Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Jackie Matthews on January 19, 2010 at 10:05am
It has been one year and eight months since my husband died of cancer. There isn't a day goes by that I don't miss him and cry because I miss him so much. Some days I think I am making progress and the grief is not so strong but then I hear a song or see a couple our age walking along holding hands and the tears start again. If it were not for my faith in God and the love and support of my friends and family I doubt I would have made it this far. It breaks my heart to read about the struggles of those who have recently lost someone. I understand every word they say. Grief hurts, and there are times you feel like you're losing your mind. Lately, I have found that the best thing for me to do is get up, wash my face, and do something else. It's not easy but I have found I can laugh and enjoy life one day at a time.
Comment by kathleen caylor on January 18, 2010 at 7:17am
Went by the cemetary yesterday,Told him "Hi" 2 minutes later Toby keith's song came on"i'm gonna miss you my friend"Well that did me in!I was wasted for the rest of the day.The song says "I'm not crying for you I'm crying for me"I'm still crying 4 months later.When will the pain go away?
Comment by Carol on January 17, 2010 at 8:18pm
I lost my husbaand of 32 years in April 09 He was the greatest man and I miss him more every day We had been High School sweathearts and we were blessed with a marrage made in fairy tales like many of you we did everything togeather I am so glad that I have found this site just to be able to talk about my feelings It is so hard to tell people who have never gone thru this how you feel I just feel so alone right now and they do not understand My husband was my best friend we could talk about everything I miss him holding me and I too miss his snoring I wish I could hear him talk and talk He loved to talk
Well thanks for listening my tears are getting in the way Carol
Comment by kathleen caylor on January 17, 2010 at 9:31am
Garth Brooks sang" I could have missed the pain but I would have missed the dance" I'm sure glad I didn't miss the dance!!Thank you for the dance!!
Comment by Eleanor Renaud on January 16, 2010 at 12:15pm
My best friend, my husband Paul of 39 yrs passed away on Dec 14 - 09. We only had 5 days notice that there was nothing that could be done - and all that they could do was to keep him comfortable. I do thank the almighty God that he didn't suffer very long. Bone cancer is such a terrible disease - thank you Lord for such a short suffering. So many things run through your mind: I wish I had a recording of his voice, I would love to hear him say: "love ya babe" just one more time. I miss the sound of his snoring (somehow that is not so irritating now). When I am having a good day - I feel guilty - shoudn't I be crying - is that all that I've got for grief? But the next day brings me back to reality.
One day at a time - we will survive.
Comment by Paulette on January 16, 2010 at 6:46am
It has been just over 2 and a half weeks since my husband died I sure do miss him.42 years is a long time to be together and we did everything together.They say it will get better, it's hard to believe.
Comment by Charles on January 13, 2010 at 7:44pm
I understand the divorce rate with M.S. couples is about 85%.Even with her M.S I was the lucky one.I received more love from her than I deserive.
One of my problems is I did so much for her every day that now Im lost without her.I truly believe god put me here to love and take of that beautiful lady and I was blessed to be able to take care of her and love her.Now what do I do?Love like what we had only comes once in a life time.
Thank you for being so kind.Your husband was very lucky to have had you also.Maybe thats why we are older, so we would have to maturity to hande the problems of loving some one with M.S. God bless you Lois.May you find peace and happiness also.
Comment by Charles on January 13, 2010 at 6:29pm
Dear Lois
Doris also had M.S.Fought it for thirteen years with massive drugs.She took 38pills a day and I gave her a injection every other day.She tried so hard to stay mobile but had to go to the walkers and finally wheel chair.She woke with a smile and I love you every day.Oh god how I miss her.
In the end all the drugs worked against her and it ended her life way to early.She never gave up until the final 24 hours.Her M.S affected her physically more than mental.I am 12 years older than her and thought I would go first.Twenty five years ago I was afraid to marry her because I was older and she was so young and beautiful.I remember she told me she would rather have true happiness with me even if it was short than not be happy at all.Its amazing how life works out at times.
Comment by Charles on January 13, 2010 at 4:03pm
The love of my life passed away oct2 2009.The pain and grief is more today than day one.We all grieve in our own way but for me I have her pictures every where so I can see her beautiful smile.I have her ashes in the bedroom and I kiss her urn many times each day.I have her pictures in my vehicle so I can see her as I drive.I talk to her all the time.Yes I am a total basket case.I have found nothing to help me with the pain and grief.I have almost 25 years of wonderful memories but all I want is to be with her.
The truth is life goes on, with us or without us.I was holding my love in my arms as she took her last breath, How I wish I had taken my last breath at the same time.I did not stop breathing.I am still here.
I so wish there was some way we could find words or something to make us go on with life.
Surely someone has the answer we all seek???
I want to be happy again and remember all the good times but my heart is so broken over losing her I just cannot find the way to go on.
I also know the people here understand what I am talking about.
Comment by Vickydb on January 8, 2010 at 9:54pm
I lost my husband of 22 years. It has been 11 years since he left. I did not believe I would survive but I did. I remarried an abuser now I am getting divorced. There is nothing you can do for the pain. Don't be rushed by anyone to move on. It does take a long time to heal. Cry as much as you need to. I read books on healing but they never worked. I still speak to my husband everyday. He will never leave my side. Speak to him, tell him you miss him and you love him. As long as he is next to you there is nothing to fear. Fear is the greatest cause of loneliness. What will you do, who will be there for you, and why? These are the biggest reason for the sadness. Believe me it will take a long time. Join a group and listen to others. Speak in the group and cry as much as you need to. Crying helped me the most. I still miss him because he was my forever best friend. Give yourself at least a year. Take it hour by hour at first. Then day by day.
Learn to be independant. When you lean on someone make sure it is yourself. Don't give up! You will want to at first but don't. God is with you and by your side. It is because of God I survivied. Pray for strength and courage. It will come. I use to sit by the water and cry while talking to my husband Dennis. Remember he was a borrowed angel and he has been called back to heaven. Thank God you were one of the lucky ones because you were truly loved and you truly loved an angel. don't try to go back in time. It only hurts you more. I know how much it hurts but I have survived and you will also. My heart is here for you. It takes time to heal.

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