Grief support groups, condolence advice, funeral etiquette and more
A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
Latest Conversations: 20 hours ago
This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.
Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019.
Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019.
Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22, 2019.
Debbie R ... Your post brought tears to my eyes because it reminded me of how I felt in raw grief. It seems our world just doesn't stop, but becomes so much smaller. So many things that didn't bother us when our spouses were with us do now. Like I was telling Sarah even after 8 years after Ernie's death I can still tear up if I see other couples together and all the things Ernie and I did many I have to do alone. I think of all things that bother me the most is how lonely I feel. I keep busy as possible, but weekends and long weekends still bother me. I manage most of the time to plan something with a friend one day out of a weekend, but the long weekends many go away like Ernie and I use to do.
There are no words I can say to make you believe as each day and year goes by it does get a little easier although we will forever miss our beloved spouses. I still have some good cries every so often. Still, I can laugh, make others laugh and try to find out where I fit into this new life of mine.
Hang on my dear friend as you grow stronger by the day even if you don't feel like it and we're all here for you to get you through the tough times.
Sarah ... I can sure relate to what you're saying. It's been 8 years since Ernie passed away and in the earlier stages of grief I absolutely detested the weekends and even more the long weekends. It seemed as if on purpose couples were all around me holding hands, laughing, planning and I would be in tears so I started to wear my sunglasses. Also I heard women (even from some of my friends) complaining about their husbands and I had to bite my tongue to remind them how lucky they were. When flower planting time came Ernie and I had a blast as to what flowers we'd get and now I do it all alone like most things. I'm not as bad as I use to be crying constantly over all of this, but every so often I tear up. It still hurts to see families together or people going on trips and I still feel my world has become so small. I manage to get through this by volunteering at the dog shelter and try my best to keep active as possible, but often that loneliness keeps edging in on me.
It does get better my dear friend and the tears aren't as often. One thing I've learned is I'm stronger than I thought and I'm a Pit Bull when it comes to business. I'm older, wiser so don't bust my chops is my motto. LOL
Keep your chin up and know you are stronger than you think and happiness will come again for you.
Debbie...I think the person I am now, might have said something to that couple...to gently remind them that what they have is very prescious...and folks tend to loose sight of that in the daily grind of life. But, then again...it might have gone terribly wrong too.
Thank you you all for your replies to my former posts. So much has happened in the past 2 weeks...I am permanately in a state of STUN. More later. Bye for now
Thank you Sara. It is very early for me and what a journey it's been. When I woke up this morning I thought to myself "Gee, a year ago today Tommy and I would have been snuggling right now." (5:30 am). He used to walk over in the early hours and we'd snuggle and chat and then get up and get our day started. Little did I know that would be my last snuggle ever and boy did that hurt.
The folks I see out and about are the couples. The ones holding hands or just together. Last week I was near a couple in the grocery store and the wife says to the husband "Honey I'll be over in the cereal aisle." I almost broke down in tears. Nothing is the same anymore. But the worst is the ones I see fighting and bickering over crap.
Two weeks ago at the garden center I saw a couple going at it like pit bulls over what color geraniums they should buy! The wife was the worst. I felt like telling her "Do you have ANY idea what you have standing here in front of you?!??!" but of course I didn't. I just thought, what a waste. Not that Tommy and I never argued but the wasted time I see now really makes me sad. I see this stuff a lot and just shake my head.
I planted dahlias by Tommy's grave on Saturday and then put some by his little sister who is a few plots away. They were his favorite flower. He used to take care of Annie's grave so now I'll do it for him. She was only 32 when she died in 1987.
His mom passed last Monday and his sister called me to tell me. I feel awful for her. She and Tommy were very close as was he with his mom. She was a sweet lady.
Sara, thanks again for your sweet words. This is a bad week. Here's a hug 0
Sara, it was indeed a loooooooong weekend and you took the words right from my mouth. I should have been celebrating like I did last year with Tommy but I didn't. Friday will be one year and seeing people out and about together is getting harder by the day, especially on holidays. And at the garden centers :(
Mary Jane - Following the latest on your weather down there for the past couple of weeks makes me so sad, it's incredible. I'm so glad you and your kitty are ok but like others said, please see if you can't get someone to help you take her to the vet. She's relying on you :) I hope you find all the peace you deserve in California and I'm glad you have family there. A definite plus when moving.
I hope anyone else living down there is safe and sound and stays that way. I guess Steve and Chuck are down there? I don't know since I only started reading here less than a year ago so I'm sort of in the dark. Deb P, it sounds like you've had your share of horror with the flooding and I hope you and your family are all ok.
Aside from this disastrous weather I hope everyone is hanging in there as best they can. Keeping you all in my prayers.
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