Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Steve G. on December 16, 2019 at 8:44am


Pear Cake
3 large egg
2 cups sugar
1-1/2 cups vegetable oil - I chose to use 1 cup (which makes batter stiffer)
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1-1/2 cups finely chopped peeled pears (about 2 medium)- I substituted 4 pears, boiled and mashed made about 2 cups and when added to batter it had a better consistency.
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Glaze (I decided not to use)
1-1/4 cups confectioners' sugar
2 tablespoons whole milk
In a large bowl, beat eggs on medium speed. Gradually add sugar and oil; beat thoroughly. Combine the flour, cinnamon, salt and baking soda; add to egg mixture and mix well. Stir in pears and vanilla. (The batter will be stiff, mine was not.)
Spoon or pour into a greased and floured 10-in. tube pan. Bake at 350° for 60-65 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let cool in pan 10 minutes before inverting onto a serving plate.

I did not use the glaze
In a small bowl, combine the confectioners' sugar and milk; beat until smooth. Drizzle over warm cake. Cool completely.

Comment by Marsha H on December 14, 2019 at 5:23am

Mary.Jane ...  We're going to make up a special diploma for you, frame it and send it to you.  LOL  Seriously, love your posts and you often make me laugh.  If it weren't for you kicking butt around here then people wouldn't be posting so much.

Big hugs


Comment by Marsha H on December 14, 2019 at 5:22am

Steve ...  That pear cake sounds so delicious and one of my favorite fruits.  If it turns out (I'm sure it will) could I have the recipe PLEASE! 


Your Sis Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 13, 2019 at 11:02pm

Awwww, I love it here.*

*note: experts agree this is the shortest post Mary Jane has ever made here. 

Comment by Steve G. on December 13, 2019 at 6:36am

My Dear Family,

Thank you one and all for your positive thoughts and energy, I tend to hold things in until It just comes spilling out.  Posting here helped more than me actually telling my biological family and that is sad in a different way.   Chuck and I made Christmas cookies yesterday for those within our little circle of friends here in Arlington.  Today I am going to make a pear cake (1st time) with a drizzle of icing. 

I am actually OK with the procedure because it will make my quality of life much better.

Love to one and all, Merry Christmas and Happy New year!


Comment by Marsha H on December 13, 2019 at 3:28am

Steve ...  I am so sorry to hear of all the issues you are going through health-wise.  It seems even here that so many of my friends are either in hospital or not well and just before Christmas.  My brother had prostate surgery and is doing well and so will you.  Sometimes just the thought of what they'll be doing surgery-wise is frightening.  My brother is also on blood thinners and has been for a long time so no worries for your uncle  other than he should be careful not to cut himself accidently and if he should bleed go to ER as soon as possible or call an ambulance.  There is hope my friend and you are going to do much better in 2020.  I'm praying for you and Chuck. 

Speedy recovery in January my dear brother.



Comment by Mary. Jane on December 12, 2019 at 8:57pm

Oh Steve..I can promise you it will get better...I don,t mean to diminish your pain and medical issues..but sometimes when things happen during the Christmas season..they seem to get better with the new year.

About 20 years ago, Bob had a very bad time, unable to urinate. He was terrified of seeing a doctor..(lifelong fear of a cancer diagnosis..) so he suffered for almost 8 months, thinking if he relaxed and lied on the bed with a “receptacle” (waaay TMI..sorry..)he would b able to do what needed to be done...he even took a vacation  to,Amsterdam with Melinda, in that condition...(it was a free trip, I couldn,t go cuz we had gone the year b4, and my employer wouldn,t give me another two week vacation) Anyway, he FINALLY saw a urologist..and it was so simple...he had his prostrate easy procedure, that hE kicked himself for delaying. Ironically, that was during the holidays too. (

Someday I will tell y’all about the amazing thing Bob did for me, during this time, while waiting for his surgery, wearing a catheter for a few weeks..) Lemmee know if anyone wants to hear that story,..he did a very awesome, selfless act...I’m still blown away, after all these years. 

It sucks that as we age, our bodies fall apart..just when our brains and attitudes are at their best, our parts stop working. Your uncle should b ok on the blood thinners..Bob took them for YEARS..finally had a pacemaker put in, and never looked back. We are fortunate to live when many health issues can be resolved by modern medicine.

Please keep the positive attitude...and I am sorry about the anniversary that none of us want to remember...but you know Mark is still here, watching over you, and always will be. 

Comment by deborah peck on December 12, 2019 at 2:36pm

Wow Steve, you have a lot on your plate right now, so sorry about all the health issues, I hope the New Year is a better one for all of us and you will find peace with your health.

Comment by Steve G. on December 11, 2019 at 8:53am

I too am trying to get into the Christmas sprit, this year seems almost as bad as my first Christmas without Mark.

This past November has been full of challenges, Chuck's great Halloween scare, followed by my diagnosis of osteoporosis in the area of my radiation treatments, then my visit to my urologist to find out why my incontinence returned and is not getting better.  Surgery was his only option, again tissue weakened by the radiation treatments.  I will have an implant placed inside to assist the urethra to open and close as needed and controlled by me.  Too much information on that I will leave out.  Just before Thanksgiving my uncle fell and was hospitalized until they got his bleeding stopped.  He takes blood thinners.  Nov 30 was Mark's 5th anniversary of his passing and today I get my infusion shot to help with the osteoporosis, Jan 2nd is surgery, will come home the next day and wait 6 weeks for recovery.

Chuck keeps me laughing even though I see his worry for me.

The only thing i can say is " this to shall pass".  Thanks for letting me vent.

I am confident that all will turn out for the better and look forward to a new and better year for all of us.

Love and hugs to all


Comment by deborah peck on December 11, 2019 at 7:28am

Trying to get into the Christmas spirit this year but not really feeling it. Every year since Greg passed I try to get my kids and grandkids an Auburn tigers football item as that was Gregs team so I try to incorporate him into our holidays, this year I got all the girls and Auburn charm bracelet and the boys a wallet and a hoodie, just my way of him still being a part of it all.I still put up an Auburn Christmas tree but this year the decorations are on the porch tree as my grandkids asked me to do it this way, maybe its easier for them? Going to finish up the rest of my shopping today (online) then meeting my daughter to go see Meet me in St, Louis, at the movies tonight so that should be fun,its one of our favorite classics, hope you all have a great day


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