Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on March 2, 2019 at 4:21am

Mary ...  I'm relieve your daughter and her family (kitty too) are safe and sound, but the pictures speak a thousand words or more.  I feel so badly for everyone living there.  You have every right to discuss this on the board as we're family and what happens to you and others concerns all of us so keep us up-dated.  It is true that these disasters cause a type of grief for the people who lose their homes or are not covered with flood insurance.  I am sure your family will be safe and sound and I'll pray tonight for them and others.  

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 1, 2019 at 9:21am

This morning, they plan to try and get through the water, and go to work..they work just blocks from each other...and she will work his hours. The scary part, is more rain is expected tonight. They got out last some supplies...and were able to shower. Hubby manages a giant store, and the building it is in for some reason, has upstairs SHOWERS no one ever uses..I think it might have once been a health I am praying they don,t get more rain...a lot of the roads have caved in...u can see that in the pictures...I just feel so helpless, and fear more flooding tonite. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 1, 2019 at 9:11am

Thank you so much. Here is to the pictures in her area..

Comment by Mary. Jane on March 1, 2019 at 9:10am

Thank you so much. Here is to the pictures in her area..

Comment by Steve G. on March 1, 2019 at 7:31am


So thankful that your daughter and her family are ok, anyone's life can change suddenly, all of us here understand that.  Please keep us posted, after all is said and done we are all one big family.  I see nothing wrong with your post here.  Will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers, 


Comment by Mary. Jane on February 28, 2019 at 9:30pm

Just when u think life is going ok...something so stunning happens. I dunno if anyone here saw FLOODING in California, Sonoma County on the news last is in a woodsy Redwood tree area, tiny little mountain towns, lots of creeks that run off the famous Russian River! Mostly 2 lane roads that run all over the daughters home was flooded last night along with her neighbors...she was the water didn,t enter the living they were able to use their wood burning stove..(they don,t have a heater)and stay warm and dry in that one room. . There’s no running water, no toilet or shower, no power, no phone service, 2 inches of water in her bedroom floor, but the mattress is dry.

everything else is ruined...last nite they walked thru waist deep water from the car to the house when they were coming home ...I know this isn,t the place for this..but she, and her hubby are so happy...they are alive, and their kitty is safe...and it’s all just STUFF. The one bummer is her KEYBOARD she composes songs on was destroyed, along with her recording stuff...I think it takes something like this to remember how precious life is...and I actually felt so happy to be alive after all of this. 

I know this is where we come to deal with our grief and loss..but this time I am celebrating life. 

Comment by Marsha H on February 25, 2019 at 3:11am

Mary ...  that was perfect!  Thanks for that precious gift.  Now if I could only find a few things I've lost!  LOL

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 24, 2019 at 8:28pm

Here is a little gift for all of you...this is a song, this is the link to the lyrics, which I heard tonight and they REALLY resonated with me. Maybe they can touch some of you, too. 

These are the words that my heart feels so many times since Bob died...and maybe before, but I don,t remember...because they seemed  lost...

BTW, lately, my memory seems to be FLOODING back..things I haven,t remembered in years..mundane things...but never the if I could just remember where I put things all the time LOL. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on February 24, 2019 at 11:53am

Thank you, Marsha,  my friend.

Comment by Marsha H on February 24, 2019 at 4:21am

Mary Jane ...  I'm so sorry my dear friend you are having such a rough time of it.  It's not abnormal to forget what one did the year before in the first 3 - 4 years of grief.  The reason for it is we are moving forward into a new adventure creating a new lifestyle for ourselves, yet we venture ahead with some fear and the memories of the loved one we lost will always be in our hearts and as we move forward the past pulls us slightly back.  It dims in time when we find our footing.  To this day I still can cry some tears missing my Ernie so much.  

I am also sorry that you were so sick on the CBD oil.  I detest taking medications so not even going to try that stuff.  Glad you are OK and that you're staying away from it.  Can work for some people, but not others and one has to be so careful the oil doesn't cause problems with another medication a person may be on.  Don't forget Mary that you are still grieving to a point and also making a big move so that's quite a bit on your plate.  You will do just fine and if you are worried by moving you'll leave Bob behind he'll always be with you no matter where you are.

I also will get into Ernie's robe every so often as if he's giving me a big hug.  Most days I'm OK, but every so often without warning I have a good cry and miss him with my complete being.  I do believe Bob is with you and that leaf that flew in was saying, 'Hi babe, still here.' 

Cats and dogs can sense when a spirit is around and long before we know or may not know.  I have no doubt Bob was there.  I told you about the time I was in the computer room and the dogs were with me.  I knew I heard the seat of toilet go up and a tinkle sound just around the time Ernie always use to get up to relieve himself.  I ignored it thinking I was hearing things, but the dogs hopped down and went directly to the bathroom and sat there wagging their tails looking up at where Ernie's head would be and he was 6' 6" tall.  Strangely enough the toilet seat was down.  Then I knew he had been there. It gave me such peace and that is what your Bob is doing.

My thoughts on you leaving the room and can't find your way back to Bob is he is in one dimension and you in another, yet he's in spirit and has no problem finding you.

Oh yes, I remember how many movies I saw on TV where either the wife or husband passed away and I had never seen so many in my life!  I would turn them off. 

Of course you can vent Mary and we're here to listen and try to help you through this new transition in your life.  You're going to make it girl!




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