Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 16. 4 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on August 27, 2018 at 6:04am

Dear Jeanete:  I am so sorry for your loss.  We all grieve differently, you grief for loving memories of your husband, while your son grieves for his father figure and unfortunately the way he passed.  I would suggest that you calmly talk to your son and ask him if he would sit home one night with you and if he agrees let him talk first.  Ask him how he is coping with his father's death and talk about it, hug, cry together and then you tell him how you feel.  End the conversation by saying that being honest with each other's feeling will make you both stronger and it does!  If he shouldn't want to talk to you then suggest he seek some grief counseling or at least talk to a good friend.  Perhaps he has a friend that had a great loss as well.  Please don't worry because grief takes time and it will work out in the end.  

Absolutely yes, your grandchildren need child counseling because they experienced the trauma.  If your grandchildren are 18 or over you can't force them to seek help, but at suggest to them to talk it out with a friend and ask if they have a friend the can converse with.  

I hope this answers your question and again, grief takes time (that ugly word) and time does heal the aching and longing for that person although none of you will ever forget him.  

Hugs because you need one


Comment by Jeanette McSherry on August 26, 2018 at 10:46pm

Today I made the mistake of taking a nap. I felt depressed and very alone. I dreamt of being depressed and alone. Called my son and unloaded on him.  Now I feel bad for adding to his pain. I am also worried about my grandchildren. Two of them were with my husband when he had his accident and saw everything. they won't talk about it. They must have been traumatized. Anyone else have experience with this? Should I insist my son get them counseling?

Comment by Sara Murphy on August 26, 2018 at 9:30pm

Steve.......I, like Mary Jane, can't entertain the thought that your cancer has returned.  I assume you've stopped taking the Humira.  The commercial I saw for that tonight was Crohn's disease so apparently it's prescribed for more than one issue.  Needless to say, you and Chuck are in my prayers.  I wish I could give you both a hug in person but I'll have to settle for sending a virtual hug.



Comment by Sara Murphy on August 26, 2018 at 9:19pm

Marsha....It's good to hear from you.  I've been worried.  I've been wanting to post and ask if you were okay but figured if you weren't coming to the site for some reason, then you wouldn't see it.  I guess you can't trust your email :)

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on August 26, 2018 at 5:46pm

Dear Trina,

Thank you for your kind understanding of my feelings. As always, you share so much of yourself with us, and it always helps me past the point words can convey. I had been wanting to say something to you weeks ago when you were facing you own anniversary, but couldn't corral my thoughts into anything even remotely coherent. I am sorry for my silence at that time, but my love and prayers were with you .

Making sense of my thoughts and feelings right now is becoming challenging at best - sometimes impossible. Tomorrow, August 27th, was the date in 1983 that I sat in a restaurant with Larry, my brother, and two friends in Massachusetts. We had been to visit my mother in the hospital that afternoon. She was in the final stages of her battle with lymphoma, and my father wouldn't leave her side to join us. After the main course, waiting for coffee, I stood up, looked into Larry's eyes across the table, and asked him if he would do me the honor of spending the rest of his life with me. To my amazement, he didn't hesitate and answered "yes".

What led me to such a bold move, and what transpired in the following days are things I want to write as a story the way I used to post awhile back. I hope the newer members will forgive my indulging in using a third person format in my memoir. Until later - 

Love, Chuck

Comment by Mary. Jane on August 25, 2018 at 9:03pm

Steve...I will not even entertain the thought that your cancer might have returned. Humira is a HORRIBLE drug...and one of my closest friends has psoriatic arthritis..and she was given that...but I cannot remember if it was by injection..and she had a terrible reaction. I will ask her the details tomorrow. The only thing she can take for that condition are steroids, nothing else works for her pain...and since they are bad for people the Drs don,t want to give her too she just sucks it up and lives with it. 

I think it is terrible they don,t test these designer drugs like they used to...they just cave to Big Pharma and use us as quinie pigs. Stay strong, my friend we will all be praying for you. 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 25, 2018 at 6:08pm


Thinking of you today and sending prayers for strength and courage. I know exactly what you mean by hearing the news about Senator John McCain. For you especially, as your beloved husband passed from glioblastoma.

All day yesterday this news brought back the day when Joseph and I learned of his terminal condition. I can only imaging how it must be for you with your husband Bill's anniversary of passing today. So many things trigger the extreme pangs of pain and loss.

May you have the strength to make it through the day. And may the good memories you shared with your husband bring comfort and relief.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 25, 2018 at 5:59pm


Very sorry for your loss. Losing one's beloved spouse/life partner is one of the cruelest and toughest of all human experiences. I wish you strength, courage, and forbearance as you try to grapple with your irreparable loss. The "What ifs" make the bereavement even more painful. There are no answers, unfortunately. Perhaps for some there is?

Take care of yourself and visit this forum to find support and understanding.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 25, 2018 at 5:54pm

Dear Charles,

I was missing seeing you posts. You and Marsha had both been quiet for a while, and it was not the same visiting this forum, so I am really glad that you "came back" here to "visit." And as it always happens with your posts, they are always touching and speak to me in way that is comforting.

Three years after Larry's passing you continue to struggle with the vacuum he has left behind. Me, too, it's been four years since Joseph left me, and while some of the practical day to day things have gotten better, the constant missing and longing haven't diminished one bit. Like you, as I go through my day, my life, I hope that Joseph approves of the way I am going through it as he watches over me. I am sure Larry is proud of you as you try to make the best of it as you can.

Did I miss your 35th anniversary, or is it tomorrow Monday? Either way, I am thinking of you and sending fond thoughts so that the day is at least bearable. May the good memories of love and happiness help bring some comfort to you and brighten your day, my dear friend.

Big hugs, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 25, 2018 at 5:40pm

Dear Marsha,

I had been concerned with your long silence and been meaning to write to ask if all is well with you. So it's really good to get this beautiful gift of a song from you! It helped soothe me; the nature video that goes with it is also calming. Thank you for bringing some relief to my sad Saturday afternoon as I consider the sorry options to spend the weekend. 

You are such a wonderfully giving person! Your posts are uplifting and are meant to help the rest of us make it through the day. I always look forward to your messages and posts. So again, thank you for bringing some relief.

Stay well, my dear friend.

Big hugs, Trina


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