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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on May 5, 2020 at 6:39am

Dear Sara ...  so nice to hear from you as well.  I'm doing OK.  You are lucky things are opening up with this virus.  Our laws regarding the virus (I live just outside of Vancouver, British Columbia) weren't as stringent as parts of the U.S.  People still get out, but all crowded entertainment is cancelled; no theaters; pubs closed although people can order in and the same for restaurants.  The Health Dept., here says that even with the hot summer it will not weaken the virus so who knows what they have planned.   People are so sick of it they are just doing their thing, yet cautious around others.  

I hope you are doing well and thankful soon you can be free to go where you want.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 4, 2020 at 9:55pm

Dear Sara,

I am so glad you are well - unlike Mass., here in Texas they are all gung-ho on getting everything up-and-running as soon as possible...hang the consequences. Steve and I are more than a little concerned about that, but unfortunately nobody asked us what we thought about it. 

We are being careful, which in my mind translates to being smart. We are accepting the self-imposed limitations on our activities, being creative in devising ways to keep occupied and keeping close eyes on our stock of supplies and food. I may be benefitting from having had a mother who grew up during the depression on a working farm, and saw first hand what keeping a well-stocked larder against bad weather and hard times really means. I confess I may carry it to extremes a bit sometimes, but Steve lets me have my way about it within reason, cost permitting. He does raise an eyebrow at my refusal, or at least resistance to, throwing out food. I may push expiration dates a bit, but yesterday he looked at me seriously and said he was more worried about me getting sick from eating something that had gone bad than anything else! I took his point, but still take stale crackers and re-crisp them in the oven so I can eat them in my soup. Old dogs, new tricks and all that.

Stay safe Sara, and I am happy to hear that you are working from home - We do the same, but for some reason nobody's paying us for it!

Love and hugs from us both,

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 4, 2020 at 9:41pm

Dear Deborah,

Wow, with all the things in your life associated with this month I would also wish to skip it altogether. Isn't it a bit sad that as we live longer and longer the calendar year fills with more and more days associated with loss and grieving. I vaguely remember when as a young man I had my first experiences with having a holiday become inexorably linked to a sadness of losing a friend. Those first few years I was a bit surprised and disappointed that on this particular holiday I would never be free of the memories of my friend and his passing.

Now, as the years have gifted me with losses that make all holidays tied to such memories, I find I am allowing that stone of sadness in my heart to simply be there - forever. I see it in my face in the mirror, hear it in my voice when saying "Happy..." fill in the blank. I am reminded of it when people say "Hey, it's Christmas/Thanksgiving? Fourth Of July - you should be happy!"

As you say, we try to keep busy, to get through each day and say it's just another date - but for myself, I guess I am actually in some way glad that I remember those well-loved people who have gone before me. I kind of hope that maybe someday, a few people scattered around will perhaps pause sometimes and thing of me with a hint of sadness as they remember a holiday or just some ordinary day we once shared. That thought makes me feel that perhaps I will leave behind something that for just a brief moment made someone's life a little brighter.

Be well my friend, and as you go through this month know that you are not alone at all - and thank you for sharing it with we here who understand and love you.

Love, Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on May 4, 2020 at 9:24pm

Dear Marsha,

Count me among the many who were worried about not seeing you here - I'm sorry about you losing your friend. Also, with the anniversary of Ernie's passing and worries about another friend you indeed have much to deal with. I'm just glad I wasn't forced to go to extreme measures to force you out into the open - but seriously, I'm relieved that you are alright. Sometimes we don't realize how much we count on people being there for us until confronted with the possibility - or worse the tragic reality - of them not being there at all.

Stay safe, and know that from a far distance away Steve and I are sending big hugs and prayers -

Love, Chuck 

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 4, 2020 at 8:27pm

Deb...I'm sorry you have such a tough month ahead of you made even more difficult by the physical distancing.  I've been wanting to plant a tree for Ken.  I may put that on my list of things to do this year although more specifically, it'll be on my list of things to have someone else do for me.

Lean on us to help you get through this month.  Take care of yourself and stay safe.

Sara

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 4, 2020 at 8:18pm

Hi Marsha...Good to hear from you.  Glad you're hanging in there despite all you have going on with your girlfriend's recent passing, your other friends' difficulties and of course, the anniversary of Ernie's passing. 

I live in Mass which will be one of the last states in the U.S. to begin opening back up.  I'm grateful to be able to work from home.  It's keeps my mind busy during the day.

I'm thinking of everyone and hope you're all doing well.

Sending virtual hugs

Sara

Comment by Marsha H on May 3, 2020 at 4:21pm

Dear Deborah P ...

I am so sorry you have so much to grieve for, but very proud of you for planting that tree for Greg and I always feel they are around us and know what we're doing for them.  Like you, I get out in the garden and it seems to calm me down.    This virus has magnified everything in our lives and certainly gives us more time to think of our loved ones.  

I've been trying to keep busy, but find having to stay home more often I'm losing energy.  LOL  We've had rain so that just piles on more for staying in.  Today thankfully has sunny breaks so will take the dogs for a walk.

Hope you are feeling a bit better and know we're here for you.  I am finally getting the posts in my 'in box.'  Hurrah!

Take care my friend.

Hugs

Marsha  

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 3, 2020 at 1:44pm

Ok now it is the same as usual...

Deborah..I know u can get through it..I remember last year, when this same date was coming..we will be here for you..

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 3, 2020 at 1:41pm
Oh Deborah..that really sucks. But we are here to help you get through it..

(ok is it me, or is everything here DIFFERENT? The layout, font, size if lettering..everything looks like old html words etc .
Comment by deborah peck on May 3, 2020 at 10:42am

Yesterday was Gregs birthday, I kept busy by planting him a tree and then I cleaned flower beds and did a lot of other planting, May is a hard month for me anymore, Its his birthday, then the day he passed, mothers day, the day my mom passed, then my first hubby and mine anniversary, so wish I could just skip this month. But yesterday I just kept busy and I try to remind myself that they are just dates. I will be glad when we can be out and about freely again although I plan to stay home for awhile and see what happens after everyone is out again. Stay safe my friends

 

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