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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Jul 6

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

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Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

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Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Kathy Parker on January 6, 2015 at 12:45pm
Hi Renae, you have been on my mind. I know and feel your pain. Your family seems to be obtuse to your suffering. Don't let then off the hook. Insist they be there to help you in your time of need.
Comment by Frank Andrews on January 6, 2015 at 9:27am

Renae,

  Marsha wisely advises that communicating is the key word and often problems are solved by just talking openly about your problems and trying to get family members to understand what you are going through and some help is needed. Have you asked your dad to help with the pipes in order to save money? 

  I feel your pain as I have had to deal with many problems over the holidays and this was the third alone and the worst yet. One phone call and my sons did not even buy a card for me after I told them no gift exchanging because money is tight for them.

  Take it one day at a time or even one hour at a time and I know the problems will get solved with the water pipes.  Your family will come around once they better understand how grief affects a person who has lost a spouse....I sincerely hope they do.

  You are not alone. Hugs.

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on January 6, 2015 at 8:59am

Renae -- I am so sorry for your troubles with your water pipes.  Last year, one pipe burst and flooded my TV room.  I thank God for family.  After having the pipe replaced, we had to tear up all the carpeting and padding, dry out the floor underneath with fans and heaters and replace the padding and carpeting.  My family came to the rescue and even the teenage grandchildren helped move furniture and put down the new padding and carpet.  I know it is a blow to you to find your family unwilling to offer help -- however, Christianity is no guarantee against cold-hearted self-interest.  Remember those who stand with you during this time -- keep them close.  And, as for those so-called Christians, pray for them.  They need prayer.

So sorry, hon.  Wish I could help.

Barb

Comment by Renae McKee on January 6, 2015 at 7:41am

I am in living in a very dark world right now!!!! Yesterday after going on the 5th day with frozen pipes, the water company thawing my water meter, replacing the one pipe I thought was the problem, well now all the pipes busted under my mobile home!!! I got so frustrated & down that my sisters & niece revealed why no one talks to me(because I am down all the time) ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! Then my oldest daughter called my psychiatrist and told the nurse that she felt I was suicidal (WHAT?) So today I have to go see him and had to verbally agree on the phone with the nurse yesterday that I would not harm myself. My family all went to San Antonio for the holidays, I can not travel yet due to venous insufficiency, and not a single person called me on my Birthday the 24th, Christmas or New Years. I am appalled at how I am being treated, well lets say punished, for what MY HUSBAND DYING?????? They all claim to be Christians, but I did not think this is how Christian families treat one another. My Dad is a contractor, you would think he could send some of his men here to help me, or come himself, but no!!! WHAT DID I DO SO WRONG????? 

Comment by Carol Kayser on January 4, 2015 at 2:37pm

Thanks Marsha for posting the song, its upbeat and happy, giving us positive words of encouragement!  I need them today I think.

Hard to believe it is a new year.  This August it will be 5 long years since Jack left.  My daughter posted a picture of her and her dad and it made me so sad.  Sad because he looked so ill, happy as he was in his BMW convertible and she was with him, beaming and I know it was a wonderful memory for her.  I just couldn't look at it truthfully.  When one of Jack's friends was putting together the slide show for the memorial he saw that particular picture and said "not let's use it, he looks so sick there".  I guess we wanted to see him strong and happy and smiling in those pictures.  Funny thing is he was smiling very broadly in my daughter's picture but still just too hard.

I guess my lesson learned is that we all look differently and see things differently and what is difficult for one is not for another.

Well it is snowing here, very pretty so I will enjoy it from inside.

Hugs,

Carol

Comment by Kathy Parker on January 2, 2015 at 5:38am
Hi Marsha, I sent you an email, but I received a non-deliverable message. I deleted your email address, I'm not sure if I got it wrong. Many thanks for your care and interest at a time when I have no one else to talk to.
Comment by Jane P. on January 2, 2015 at 5:26am

Marsha, Great song that says it all! Hugs, Jane P.

Comment by Kathy Parker on January 2, 2015 at 5:19am
Marsha, I have read your comments through out this web site and you are the best! I love this song and I love Gladys Knight. I still feel desparate about the state of my life, but I am grateful to you for allowing me to vent to you. I wish you peace,and if not happiness, at least a sense of purpose.
Comment by Marsha H on January 2, 2015 at 4:23am

For all ...  This song gives me much inspiration when I feel my world is falling apart and nothing makes sense, when I feel like giving up ...  I've been dancing!  Whether some of you are new at this heartache of grief every single day you survive, every tear you shed, you're dancing!  This song basically is telling you to take the right road to the happiness, peace and life ahead of all of us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM_UJbTMY0M

Song used in the movie, The Family That Preys

Lyrics

 

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leaves you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance….
I hope you dance,

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they’re worth taking,
Loving might be a mistake but it’s worth making
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance…

[Sung over the top::]
Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.

I hope you dance….
I hope you dance,
I hope you dance….
I hope you dance,

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance….

[Sung over the top::]
Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along,
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.

I hope you dance,
I hope you dance….

I hope you dance,
I hope you dance….
I hope you dance,

Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along
Tell me who wants to look back on their years
and wonder where those years have gone.

Hugs to all

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on January 2, 2015 at 4:07am

Kathy ...  I am so sorry you are going through secrets, lies and betrayal on top of your grief.  If you feel comfortable enough I will leave my email on your private board (please delete it after you've written it down)  Sometimes one-on-one emails are far more private and a good way to get out your frustrations.  I'm a good listener and often  others can untangle some of the mysteries while you are going through fresh grief.  Please don't feel pressured to email me, but I'm here to listen and help you all I can.

Marsha

 

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