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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1376
Latest Conversations: Jul 17

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Barbara Sullivan on December 27, 2013 at 2:20am

I have often worried that I was losing my mind -- now, I wonder if the only sane people I know are all on Legacy.  Don't ask -- having issues with family.  

Apparently, SOME PEOPLE think that just because I no longer have a partner, they can just over-rule my decisions.

Comment by MikeF on December 26, 2013 at 11:05pm

This is a rough week for me. Molly's birthday was on the 23rd.  This was the first time in 34 years that we were physically apart on her birthday. Then Christmas get togethers with my family and her family heighten the sense of loss for me.  All leading up to the one year anniversary of her death on the 29th. 

It is like I have regressed to where I was last year.  All of the progress and understanding that has occurred in the last year has been obscured by a tidal wave of pain.  Grief is clearly not a linear path.

Comment by Marsha H on December 26, 2013 at 2:08pm

                Comment by Marsha H just nowDelete Comment

Good Morning Diane ...

I am so proud of you!  You did it ... got out of your comfort zone!  I know it's very difficult, but, it can turn into a routine and during the year we can keep gaining strength perhaps by having the off dinner for friends and the summer months can bring picnics of BBQ's.  Even though we may have to go off somewhere to be alone for a bit we will get stronger with the routine of it all and not feel so lonely.  During preparation for my first buffet and even the second one my anxiety was on high alert and I felt nauseous and had a lack of energy, but pushed myself 'do or die' sort of thing. 

I feel blessed already, but other than this forum I don't have a friend who is a widow.  I have met a lady on the dyke who is a widow, but she has 5 grown children and many grandchildren and is kept busy.  We exchanged phone #'s, but I haven't heard from her yet and with grandchildren I imagine she is very busy.  All my other friends have spouses so it makes things a little more difficult.  My mother, like yours was a widow for years and never had a companion in her life or remarried.  She passed in 2004, had dementia and was 'soul weary.'  No parents left on either side of the family.

I bet your dinner was delicious and like my two buffets everyone had a good time, but like you I would go off somewhere just for a break and get a little peace and then go back out to join my guests.  You should be very proud of yourself as that's a giant step forward.  WOW!  Brunch too!  I am impressed.

I am happy to hear you had a some quiet moments with your dear Rich.  I do believe they are with us in spirit. 

Sorry to hear you are getting snow.  We have frost here in lower mainland Vancouver, B.C., but no rain or snow thank heavens.  Thank YOU for the support you have given and continue to give Diane and I appreciate you more than you will ever know. 

Now we can sit and relax. I am going to go out with my girlfriend today with the dogs and walk along the dyke just to enjoy the peace and nature, then just loll around for the day.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Diane C on December 26, 2013 at 7:54am

Good Morning Marsha,

Thanks for the great advice. You make a GREAT bereavement counselor. I made it through Christmas Eve. That was the best idea to keep busy. If I still have anxiety as I did this year, I will do the same and host the festivities. I had my moments, which is normal, when it got too strong, I excused myself and went to my bedroom, and let the moment take over. Then I went back out to the festivities and continued on. Everyone had a nice time and I made sure my moments of sadness were kept to myself. At the end of the day, I was proud of myself too. Then yesterday, I had everyone back for brunch and then those traveling got on the road home. I then had my mom over later last evening for dinner. During the break between brunch and dinner, I drove to the cemetery and spent a few quiet moments with Rich. I think that helped me too. It was a beautiful Christmas day, with all the snow. But now it is snowing again, and not so beautiful anymore. Thanks to everyone for the support and advice, it certainly helps, a LOT!!

Diane

Comment by Marsha H on December 25, 2013 at 3:13pm

Barbara & Carol ... thanks and the same to both of you.  I have a feeling 2014 is going to be better for all of us.  Keep the faith!

Prayers, love and peace

Marsha

Comment by Barbara Sullivan on December 25, 2013 at 12:39pm

Wishing you all comfort, peace, health and , yes, even happiness today and in the coming year.

Prayers and Hugs

Barbara

Comment by Carol Kayser on December 25, 2013 at 12:33pm
To everyone here on the site my wishes for a Merry Christmas, some joy in this most special of days, and peace for 2014.

Love,
Carol
xoxo
Comment by Marsha H on December 25, 2013 at 3:22am

To All my friends on this forum ...  I wish you peace, the feeling of love this Christmas Season and I pray 2014 will be a much better year for all of us.

Love, peace and many hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 25, 2013 at 3:21am

Diane C ...  I am so sorry you are having a rough time.  I feel myself that Christmas is such a difficult time of year as it's suppose to be blessed for what we have (irony for all of us) along with love and sharing with our spouses.  Now we are dealing with grief and feel lost in a strange land where nothing seems to make sense.  Sometimes I get angry and other times I find some sense of peace.  What a roller coaster ride!  Your mother is right that time does soften the heartache, but we will never forget our spouses no matter which way fate leads us.

I understand how you feel appearing somewhat happy for the sake of others yet our inner selves are in an emotional turmoil.  I just had two different buffets and part of me enjoyed it, yet part of me I had my mind on Ernie not being here and my heart hurt.  I went through the motions, but still believe we have to try and it will get easier as time does pay.  Yes, the word 'time' makes us detest the word, but it's true ... time is a healer, but does not resolve the total issue with grieving.

I am so proud of you for picking up the pace for dinner and you do what I do ... keep busy.  I do hope that part of most of your Christmas will be comforting having family around.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 25, 2013 at 3:14am

Mark ...  Being alone is when all of us think of our spouses and I'm so sorry you're having a rough time.  Even for those with spouses and family the holiday season can be very emotional and for us, we have grief on top of it.  I think deep down all of us wish we were with our spouses, but I keep telling myself there has to be some reason we were left behind.  I know we go on in their memory, but at least for myself I feel cheated ...  with my parents passing away, my husband's parents gone and now Ernie, I feel all have gone on a beautiful eternal vacation free of worry and pain and left me behind.  Sometimes I get down right angry and sometimes things are clear to me that there is life after the death of a spouse.  I am praying for all of us that we find some peace and joy in 2014. 

If you keep coming on this forum or emailing even we will all get through this. 

I hope that you have some peace over the Christmas Holidays Mark.

 

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