Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on May 31, 2018 at 11:31am

My daughter Melinda has been here a week...we are going thru all the boxes I moved here with 13 years ago...there were at least 70, full of stuff I had stashed away when we moved here. I am in shock at all the stuff, papers, etc. 

Bob was a hoarder. A huge hoarder. He would bring stuff home, and I would just pack it in boxes and shove it in corners. We did the stuff in the attic in Feb, and I had NO IDEA there was so much stuff...a lot of it antiques, but I have reached a point where I just don,t’s all being given to the goodwill. You see, yesterday I had some very unsettling news:

my Dr called with the results of a hemocult test I had taken last week...and it was positive. So I have been referred to someone for a colonoscopy...I tried phoning them yesterday, and only got recordings of wait on now I have to find someone to take me for this procedure..Melinda is leaving Sun Morning..WHY NOW?? This threw my Epstein Barr into’s just all too much..I just want to lie down and die. But I won,t. I have worked too hard to not fight for at least 10 more years of life. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 31, 2018 at 11:20am

I don,t think any of us are crazy, feeling and interacting with our loved ones who are gone. Each day as I go about the house, and even when I leave the house, I feel BOb next to me all the time. Yes, it could b in my imagination, but it gives me comfort to think he is with me. 

About the feather thing...I have found feathers, but when Melinda and I were on vacation we stayed in a hotel in Virginia Beach next to the ocean..I had never been IN the Atlantic, so I took off my shoes...and we climbed down the shallow stairs, to head for the water..but we paused on the stairs to just look at the swimmers, etc. As we were standing there, suddenly a LARGE FEATHER floated down inches from my face and body, and landed on my bare feet! It came out of nowhere, and rested on my toes. I was stunned! There was no mistaking that was meant just for me. Of course I kept it...

Comment by deborah peck on May 31, 2018 at 8:00am

I totally believe in signs, my 1st husband used to freak me out by playfully pulling my covers off of my feet every morning when I was waking up, I know it sounds crazy but it was real and continued until one morning for some reason it really scared me and then it didn't happen any more, like he didn't want to scare me, then when my mom passed I had been her caretaker and had to give her her meds at the end and worried I had given her too much medicine which was moriphine  and slows breathing, one night I was really upset after she had passed and begged for a sign to let me know if I did everything right, I asked her to do something with the lights while I was in the tub,, when I went into the laundry room after, the light literally made a sizzeling noise and flashed on and off it never happened before this or after so it gave me such peace, I know it was her

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 30, 2018 at 9:52pm

Thanks Marsha and Trina for your input.  It helps to know I'm not alone in believing in signs.  I've had other signs from Ken, more so in the first year,   Marsha.....I too recall a couple of occasions when I was screaming out in pain for him and then the phone either rang or a friend dropped by unexpectedly.  I have no doubt Ken sent them to help.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 30, 2018 at 5:03pm

Dear Sara,

I totally agree with Marsha that very little is known about what happens to us--our souls and spirits--after we die. Therefore, when people shrug off when they hear that a bereaved spouse, or parent, or child has received a sign from the departed loved one, they too have no airtight PROOF that it was not a sign from our loved one from beyond. 

Ever since Joseph passed almost four years ago I get signs from him. I used to get them more often before and less frequently now. Perhaps not all of the "signs" that I get are from Joseph, but if I were to make a list or catalog of all the signs I've received, then it would be very hard to say that all of them are just coincidences. I firmly believe that from time to time, especially when I am bereft or in real need of "hearing" from Joseph there is a sign. If someone tells me that every time I asked Joseph a question and that something happened to help me find an answer or solution, of course I am going to discount their opinion. After all, it is an opinion only, no real scientific proof or knowledge on their part that it was not a sign, just like there is no scientific proof about the existence of God one way or the other.

BTW, I don't want to go on and on here about the many signs I continue to get from Joseph. The important thing is that I know and I am the only one who knows what I have seen or heard, or what has ensued after I was in dire need of encouragement and support. It doesn't matter what others think about this. They are not in a position to make that assessment since they are not involved in this deeply personal, and spiritual experience.

As long as we don't stop making decisions for ourselves waiting around for signs to tell us how to think or act, then in my humble opinion, we are entitled to interpret something as a sign from our loved one from beyond the veil if it seems like a message or sign. Take comfort in the thought that Ken is watching over you and sends you signs from time to time.

Love, Trina

Comment by Marsha H on May 30, 2018 at 4:11pm

Sara ....  Grief Counselors, Psychiatrist and Psychologist will have us believe that if we feel we're either seeing our spouse or getting signs from them is just part of grief and nothing more ...  doesn't happen.  Thankfully, I realized 'what did they know' because I've had many signs from my Ernie.  Just hours after his death when I got home a Blue Jay swooped down when I was walking in the garden in shock and dropped one bright blue feather.  I still have that feather, but have not had another.  Then when I had tough days, things would break down and I'd sit and cry out of frustration and I'd talk to Ernie within minutes the phone would ring and it would be someone who could help me.  It is difficult to tell what is a sign from our loved one or is it from them.  That second feather could have been from Ken, but it's difficult to be sure.  Things to look for is realistic dreams, thinking of him in times of stress and out of nowhere someone helps you out, finding coins, feathers dropping before you and sometimes people find butterflies landing close to them are another sign.  I honestly believe our spouses visit us every so often to see how we are doing and when things get tough they give us strength and make things happen to help us out.  If you believe that feather was from Ken then believe!  Let no one tell you it's not possible that our spouses can't visit us because so little is known about what happens after death.  Talk to Ken and keep a journal of things that happen.



Comment by Sara Murphy on May 30, 2018 at 3:43pm

Does anyone else drive themselves crazy wondering what is or is not a sign from our spouse?  I wonder if a song on the radio is a sign or if I see/hear of something that reminds me of something Ken would do if it's a sign.  I've been asking him to send me a clear cut sign that I can't mistake and recently specifically asked for another feather to add to my meager 1 feather collection.  Today at lunch I was walking around our business complex and just before I'm going back into the building, I see this feather in the corner by the lawn.  I can't help but wonder if it's a sign from Ken or just a feather that happened to be there.  I asked Ken about that and told him that I was claiming it as a sign from him.  Thoughts anyone?

Comment by Marsha H on May 29, 2018 at 5:50am

Mary.Jane ...  WOW girl you sure have it bad and I feel for you so you bet prayers are flying your way from me to you!  Take it easy and just try to keep cool.  I don't do well in high heat either.  

Hugs, Prayers


Comment by Mary. Jane on May 28, 2018 at 10:49pm

PS great pic, Deb...Sara,

 it will b ok...pPatricia...just keep the special clothes...that of remind you of him...there s a wonderful feeling when you give your loved nes possessions away to someone who needs them...I wish I had OCD about cleaning, but I don, I spent 2 years doing nothing..I am so terrified about moving...ok bye again.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 28, 2018 at 10:41pm

Hello everyone. I am sorry I haven’t responded to any posts. My daughter has been here for 6 first I was ok...but yesterday we cleaned out her room.(the guest room) closet, and all the drawers...I had no idea how much stuff I had was much stuff...and the stress kicked me into full blown Epstein Barr Virus...I couldn,t function at up at nine, went back to bed.  At noon, For 4 hours, in that time she had cleaned and sorted almost 300 of Bobs extensive book is almost 10:30 pm, and I am so sick...I am unable to function and help her. Plus it is 90 degrees here.. I just pray tomorrow will be better...and if anyone here wants to kick in a few prayers, I could sure use them. Between the EBV and my crippling arthritis toss in the horrible was like AUGUST here this week...and  I am like jello in a human body. The EBV also ,ales me foggy,emotional and weepy...imagine permanent MONO and u get the idea. Usually I can suck it up...but today I I just couldn,t. Thanks for letting me whine...special thanks to Chuck and Marsha and the rest of you...bye, kids


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