Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24. 12 Replies

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Bonny Jones Jan 22. 12 Replies

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Comment by Trina Mamoon on June 2, 2018 at 12:41am

Dear Mary Jane,

Thinking of you at this trying time as you face the procedure alone  and the thought of what difficulties it might entail. Sending you encouraging thoughts and prayers for your speedy recovery.

Hugs, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on June 2, 2018 at 12:37am

Chicago Beard,

Sending you healing vibes and thoughts on what would have been your 38th anniversary with Rose. It's wonderful that Rose played a prank on you to let you know that she was visiting you on this special day. I am sure it brought a huge smile to your face. Be well.

Warm wishes, Trina

Comment by Mary. Jane on June 1, 2018 at 11:38pm

Thank you for your kind reply ,Beard. It’s not the procedure I worry about, as I  have had one is the problem of logistics, finding someone to take and stay with me for the procedure...and check on me later...I think they have improved in the last 10 years, so I shouldn,t b “out of it” after...but I don,t know...and I it scares me so much...and if it turns out to be bad I fear not being able to get the HE11 out of Oklahoma, and go back home to California.

i don,t want to die here. Hopefully everything will b I always have. ( NOTE...TMI coming....)  problems from being constipated from the. Meds I have to take for my arthritis..and I think that is where/ how the blood came from. I hope so.

again I really am honored by your response, Beard.

Comment by Chicago Beard on June 1, 2018 at 11:31pm

Hello friends

Today would have been our 38th anniversary. My current lady is across country visiting her children so I had to deal with my memories alone. I believe my Rose was with me today and played a prank on me to let me know. I would say what happened but since it involved my ostomy bag details are not necessary. Be well everyone.

Comment by Chicago Beard on May 31, 2018 at 12:42pm

Mary Jane

Having suffered with Ulcerative Colitis for over 10 years before I had my colon removed and have an Ileostomy I have had quite a few colonoscopies. The prep is much worse  than the procedure because they sedate you for the procedure. However, the stuff they have you drink to clear yourself out had to have been created by a descendant of the Marquis de Sade! Hang in there. I dealt with all this while my Rose was dieing and   after she passed. You can do this.

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 31, 2018 at 11:31am

My daughter Melinda has been here a week...we are going thru all the boxes I moved here with 13 years ago...there were at least 70, full of stuff I had stashed away when we moved here. I am in shock at all the stuff, papers, etc. 

Bob was a hoarder. A huge hoarder. He would bring stuff home, and I would just pack it in boxes and shove it in corners. We did the stuff in the attic in Feb, and I had NO IDEA there was so much stuff...a lot of it antiques, but I have reached a point where I just don,t’s all being given to the goodwill. You see, yesterday I had some very unsettling news:

my Dr called with the results of a hemocult test I had taken last week...and it was positive. So I have been referred to someone for a colonoscopy...I tried phoning them yesterday, and only got recordings of wait on now I have to find someone to take me for this procedure..Melinda is leaving Sun Morning..WHY NOW?? This threw my Epstein Barr into’s just all too much..I just want to lie down and die. But I won,t. I have worked too hard to not fight for at least 10 more years of life. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on May 31, 2018 at 11:20am

I don,t think any of us are crazy, feeling and interacting with our loved ones who are gone. Each day as I go about the house, and even when I leave the house, I feel BOb next to me all the time. Yes, it could b in my imagination, but it gives me comfort to think he is with me. 

About the feather thing...I have found feathers, but when Melinda and I were on vacation we stayed in a hotel in Virginia Beach next to the ocean..I had never been IN the Atlantic, so I took off my shoes...and we climbed down the shallow stairs, to head for the water..but we paused on the stairs to just look at the swimmers, etc. As we were standing there, suddenly a LARGE FEATHER floated down inches from my face and body, and landed on my bare feet! It came out of nowhere, and rested on my toes. I was stunned! There was no mistaking that was meant just for me. Of course I kept it...

Comment by deborah peck on May 31, 2018 at 8:00am

I totally believe in signs, my 1st husband used to freak me out by playfully pulling my covers off of my feet every morning when I was waking up, I know it sounds crazy but it was real and continued until one morning for some reason it really scared me and then it didn't happen any more, like he didn't want to scare me, then when my mom passed I had been her caretaker and had to give her her meds at the end and worried I had given her too much medicine which was moriphine  and slows breathing, one night I was really upset after she had passed and begged for a sign to let me know if I did everything right, I asked her to do something with the lights while I was in the tub,, when I went into the laundry room after, the light literally made a sizzeling noise and flashed on and off it never happened before this or after so it gave me such peace, I know it was her

Comment by Sara Murphy on May 30, 2018 at 9:52pm

Thanks Marsha and Trina for your input.  It helps to know I'm not alone in believing in signs.  I've had other signs from Ken, more so in the first year,   Marsha.....I too recall a couple of occasions when I was screaming out in pain for him and then the phone either rang or a friend dropped by unexpectedly.  I have no doubt Ken sent them to help.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 30, 2018 at 5:03pm

Dear Sara,

I totally agree with Marsha that very little is known about what happens to us--our souls and spirits--after we die. Therefore, when people shrug off when they hear that a bereaved spouse, or parent, or child has received a sign from the departed loved one, they too have no airtight PROOF that it was not a sign from our loved one from beyond. 

Ever since Joseph passed almost four years ago I get signs from him. I used to get them more often before and less frequently now. Perhaps not all of the "signs" that I get are from Joseph, but if I were to make a list or catalog of all the signs I've received, then it would be very hard to say that all of them are just coincidences. I firmly believe that from time to time, especially when I am bereft or in real need of "hearing" from Joseph there is a sign. If someone tells me that every time I asked Joseph a question and that something happened to help me find an answer or solution, of course I am going to discount their opinion. After all, it is an opinion only, no real scientific proof or knowledge on their part that it was not a sign, just like there is no scientific proof about the existence of God one way or the other.

BTW, I don't want to go on and on here about the many signs I continue to get from Joseph. The important thing is that I know and I am the only one who knows what I have seen or heard, or what has ensued after I was in dire need of encouragement and support. It doesn't matter what others think about this. They are not in a position to make that assessment since they are not involved in this deeply personal, and spiritual experience.

As long as we don't stop making decisions for ourselves waiting around for signs to tell us how to think or act, then in my humble opinion, we are entitled to interpret something as a sign from our loved one from beyond the veil if it seems like a message or sign. Take comfort in the thought that Ken is watching over you and sends you signs from time to time.

Love, Trina


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