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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

Finding the new normal

Started by Sharon Kinsey. Last reply by Frances C Younger Jun 24, 2019. 12 Replies

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Comment by Steve G. on April 11, 2020 at 6:55am

Good for you Mary Jane and I mean this with all sincerity.

It is a wonderful feeling when we can shed off some our fears and move forward.

I still get scared and sometimes wonder about the future in our current situation.  Life goes on and we learn to adapt.  Right now, I can look out at the birds feeding in the back yard and notice the beauty of nature.  We have some irises blooming in deep blue purple and white.

You are going to be fine, love and hugs always,

Steve

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 10, 2020 at 11:47pm

Something happened today..that pretty much stunned me. I will try to set this up..the last week.. 1.I have been searching for my collection of glass prisms..i wanted RAINBOWS on my walls..I had NO IDEA where they might be, and didn,t want to start looking in big boxes, etc, so I ordered more online..2. I found a white gold heart necklace  Bob gave me years ago..I wore it one day, but the next day the chain broke..unrepairable..so I have been searching online for a new chain..but that is difficult, as to the weigh,strength etc..but I spent HOURS trying anyway..3. I realized I didn’t have an extra pair of eyeglasses..cannot go to get badly needed new ones, if mine broke, I am screwed..these things were weighing on my mind..and I REALLY wanted to wear the HEART..and didn’t have a damn chain..I was obsessed...couldn't understand WHY I didn’t have any type of chain. Didn,t I EVER have chains for pendants? This went on about 2 days..unrelated things..so this afternoon, thinking of where a CHAIN might be..I looked in the closet..at TWO small matching cardboard boxes I never unpacked since I moved here.....and randomly picked ONE to open.

I CRIED when I saw what was inside.  Forgotten jewelry, at least R different chains,  ALL MY PRISMS, and An extra pair of eyeglasses, everything I had needed or wanted was in that small box including some of Bobs stuff..a gold ring..his favorite bracelet, HIS chains..I couldn,t believe it!  What were the chances? That would have been the LAST boxI would have searched for ANY of that random stuff..yet, there it was. All of it, together. I KNOW it was Bob. Oddly, I felt so much ENERGY today..and I wan,t afraid of the COVID19 today...for the first time, I felt like this will be ok. It was as if Bob was telling me not to worry. IT HAS BEEN SO VERY LONG SINCE I HAVE FELT HIM WITH ME. I-need To get off my fearful a$$ and LIVE, cuz we are going to be ok.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 10, 2020 at 7:44pm

Hi Deborah,

Thank you for the kind sentiments  - today I finally got to read the online obituary posted on the website of the funeral home handling Betty Ann's arrangements. I don't know who actually wrote it, or if all the adult children and her surviving brother collaborated on what to include, but it made me very upset. After listing her birthplace and education, it appears she miraculously had 5 beautiful children to whom she was a devoted and loving mother. It listed her interests, hobbies, and involvement with her church. I don't know what the proper protocol is for situations of divorced spouses, but it seemed like Larry was just completely erased from her life, although his sister was listed as a loving sister-in-law among survivors. 

To address what your feelings are this Easter and during this distancing, I am completely relating to what you say and think I may be either depressed or just getting more loopy than my usual state. Every mention of Easter or TV discussions bout testing, the economy, and "the new normal" make me simultaneously angry and very very sad. I find myself voicing sentiments of hopelessness and negativity that I am sure make Steve upset , but I can't seem to stop myself. So indeed Deborah you are not alone this weekend in your feelings, and I hope and pray that just knowing we can come here and express ourselves helps not only us but others. 

I too wish everyone stays safe and well, and send love and hugs to all - 

Love, Chuck

PS - say a little prayer for Steve for putting up with me...

Comment by Steve G. on April 10, 2020 at 2:25pm

Deborah,

It is good to vent here.  A friend of Chucks in up state NY, suggested that I down load an app on my phone called Zoom.  It allows us to start a meeting and then send an invite via text.  His friend has Zoom, all he does is click on the link in the text and we can see and talk to him.  Not the same as having real contact, but it sure beats not seeing who you are talking to.  Might be something to consider so you could see and talk to your daughter and your grandson.

Comment by deborah peck on April 10, 2020 at 1:52pm

Is anyone else getting really depressed from this isolation? I so am, cant hardly get off the couch anymore, am trying to force myself to do stuff around my house but its almost too much effort, I miss Greg so much especially now, Im not meaning to gripe but I cant tell anyone else this, don't want tp upset them or make them worry. I always kept my grandson while his mom worked but now she is working from home and I cant see him except to video chat, I totally get it but really miss my family and am  dreading Easter this year, makes me tear up  everytime I think of it and have really thought about snuggling with Gregs ashes box, too weird.I just wondered if any of you are feeling this way too, love you all too and stay safe

Comment by deborah peck on April 9, 2020 at 10:57am

Chuck, my heart breaks for you and your family, such a horrible thing to happen, she sounds like a remarkable woman and that you have many good memories. The nativity scene is beautiful and such a nice thing she did for you, truly thoughtful, my heart and prayers go out to all of you during this difficult time

Comment by Mary. Jane on April 7, 2020 at 3:02pm

That is beautiful. Thanks for sharing the picture and the post.

Comment by Steve G. on April 7, 2020 at 7:57am

This a picture of the Nativity set that Chuck referred to.

Comment by Steve G. on April 7, 2020 at 7:56am

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on April 7, 2020 at 7:40am

Thank you Mary Jane and Sara,

Colin's Mom, Betty Ann, went quietly to her reward yesterday. Besides now confronted with navigating the current awful situation of making arrangements for a distanced service and burial, Colin and his wife Nancy have Diana, Colin's older sister now living with them. Diana is mentally challenged, and it fell on him to find a way to explain to her that Mom wasn't coming home from the hospital. My heart breaks for him as I write this - he told me years ago that he thinks of me as his second Dad, and I see him as the son I would have loved to have.

The following is what I wrote for Steve to post for me on Colin's Facebook page, since I myself am not a member there.

Colin, I agree with you that your mother would wish to surrender her ICU bed and ventilator to another patient once it was certain that she wasn’t going to recover. The best example of her thoughtful and generous spirit I can remember comes from a long ago gesture she made toward me.
I had seen a beautiful ceramic Nativity set she had hand painted at your home one Christmas. I admired it and shared with her the fact that when I was a child the modest Nativity that my mother set up each Christmas was her very favorite Holiday decoration and how much I wished that I had that set now after having lost her in 1983. Betty Ann asked if I had my own set at home, which I didn’t. The next Christmas I was overwhelmed when she made a gift to me of that lovely large set she herself had painted – her initials on the bottom of each piece. When I protested she said she wanted me to have it to remind me of my own mother – that she would make another set for herself. I have this set still, and every Christmas when I arrange it I am reminded of not only my own mother Colin, but of yours – the generous kind woman who through her gift to me showed her clear understanding of not only the true meaning of Christmas, but of the command to love thy neighbor as thyself.
Colin, your mother will always be remembered with fondness and love as the sincerely kind woman she was. God bless you and give all of your family peace.

Love to you all, and please stay safe

Chuck

 

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