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Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:21am

I

Comment by Steve Feldman on August 15, 2015 at 1:52am

Eric,  Thank you for your condolences. Yes, you knew it was coming BUT NOT WHEN. You cannot have second guessed that it would have happened before you returned to see him, yet again,  the next day. Our minds just block out such a possibility. It was pure Fate that an ICU doctor called me with the news in time to be with my love when he passed. As I said, he was comatose and I do not know if he sensed my presence. He died on his actual 75th birthday and I believe he held on until I could be with him then as a special gift to ME. We were partnered for 50 years and then married for an additional 3 years. So we had previously, thousands of times, told each other of our undying love just as you partner had told you, along with those 5 kisses, shortly before he passed. You must stop feeling any guilt and only concentrate on holding all the deep love for him in your heart and sweet memories in your mind. Your souls will join in eternity. True love never dies. it is eternal.  Never doubt that.

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:19am

And Steven case I haven't mentioned it before I'm truly sorry for your loss I'm glad you were there every day for him I'm sure he really appreciated that and so did you

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:18am

But thank you Steve I do agree left this world knowing I loved him and that means to world of difference to me

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:17am

But that's the thing I knew he was going to die that night I've been with him for 14 hours 15 hours and I knew it was coming I just didn't want to wait anymore probably because at one point he woke up gave me five kisses pulled me close and said I love you and that was how I wanted to remember him but yet still I wish I stayed till the end

Comment by Steve Feldman on August 15, 2015 at 1:11am

Eric, You were not with your beloved when he actuaklly  passed because you, like I, could not foresee the possibility that he would go so unexpectedly.  He was always waitng for me when I came to vsit him yet another day.  I did not stay the night with my spouse just before he died but got a call from medical staff in the ICU in the AM that he has rapidly failing. I rushed to the hospital to be with him. So he died in my arms. But he was comatose and I do not know if he sensed I was witrh him. All I could do was hold him tightly until ICU staff led me away. I whispered to him how much I loved him and it was okay to let go; to enter eternal rest and peace. I felt his life slip away. He had put up such a valiant fight against Leukemia for 10 months and suddenly he was gone. You cannot feel guilt but must hold all wonderful memories of your happy lives together in  your mind to sustain you and keep his memory alive. He lives on in your mind. I am sure you were in his thoughts while he was still lucid and he knew of your total love and devotion and left this world knowing that.

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 12:49am

I want to know why I feel so guilty. Guilty for not being there the very moment he died, guilty for not sleeping at the hospice every night and guilty I wasn't there to hold his hand when he passed. I just spent 15 hours there so why do I feel so guilty?

Comment by J Greene on August 12, 2015 at 5:26am

Sorry for your loss. My spouse passed away January 10th 2015. This passed month or so has been worse than when it first happened. I've started reading books on grief support, and will be getting back into grief support this month, along with seeing my therapist again. Have you tried grief therapy? I have realized, what someone told me when he first passed away. People will say some very hurtful things, because DEATH is a very uncomfortable subject, even though it's a part of life.

Comment by Michelle Robledo on August 11, 2015 at 6:52pm

Hi my name is Michelle and I lost my girlfriend Esther Gonzales to Cervical Cancer in November of 2011. I still have a hard time when I miss her. I think of her, I dream of her all the time. She spent the last week of her life away from me. Her mom took her away from me because in Oklahoma they did not honor the same sex common law system. She chose to leave wih her family. That's what hurt the most. To this day I still cry about that being her decision. We promised each other forever. Can someone help me with closure...cause this wound that is still open and hurts like heck is still very much open.

Comment by Nancy Kennedy on August 4, 2015 at 11:16am

Bernadette: Welcome to the group! I've been on this site since 2012 when my partner of 28+ years passed from aortic dissection Type III; an inoperable heart condition that she might have had her whole life. Since then, a lot has happened when I thought life wouldn't go on. After her lost, I had to deal with Alzheimer's with both my parents who died respectively in 2014 & this year. But, I also found a new partner with whom to spend my retirement years. She, too, had a partner who passed way too early. Just take everything slowly; one day at a time. Your love for your partner will never end as you hold they key to remembrance. Nanc 

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