loss of a parent

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Time is not healing loss of my best friend, my mum

Started by Lynda Baron. Last reply by Louise Hayes Jun 21, 2018. 9 Replies

My Story

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Family secrets cloud the grief

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Comment by TammyDHU on May 18, 2013 at 11:02pm
Thank you so, all of you, for your caring comments.

I went to spend time with my Mother on Mother's Day. She was experiencing her first Mother's Day without her Mom, dear little gramma died at the age of 91 last July.

I thank my lucky stars I have my mother in my life, she is the most important person in the world to me. I certainly don't and cannot hate anyone for what happened to us. My father simply was not meant to be there, and I can accept that. I can only hope I become a better person for it, comforting others as they feel their own griefs.

Thanks for listening...
Comment by Darlene Minter on May 18, 2013 at 9:08pm

Tammy, I'm so sorry that you never had the opportunity to establish that special father/daughter relationship.  I know all too well the feeling of betrayal by family members.  Some of my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) barely acknowledge me as a human being.  That is what made mom's death so hard to bear.  Some parts of my life, I can never share with those relatives.  To cope, I just have to stay out of their way.

I am determined to not let these relatives' negative attitude beat me down.  For your own sake, you must not harbor hatred in your heart.  In time, you will learn to forgive, even though you will never forget their actions against you.

God is good.  I must believe he will take care of my needs.  It has now been two weeks since mom's death.  Trying to stay positive, meeting & talking with friends, getting outside the house:  all this helps me to cope with the grief and loneliness.

I have found this group a safe place to share my feelings.  No judgment; no one thinking that you are crazy for feeling the way you do!

Hope this helps you.  Writing my feelings and sharing a common bond with members in this group has helped me get some relief over these last two weeks.


Comment by TammyDHU on May 16, 2013 at 10:19pm

My father died one year ago yesterday, May 15th.  He was 66 years old and I am told, had lung cancer.  His family betrayed me in the utmost at not notifying me the man was ill or ever acknowledging him as a human being in life, though he served Infantry in the Vietnam war and was really one of our country's heroes.


I regret we were never able to establish that father/daughter relationship.  But I will still remember...

Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on May 11, 2013 at 3:16pm

Donna, It'll be ok. I'm so sorry you're alone. You're not alone here. It's sad but you can get it all out, most of your sadness. Go to a church close by you. I hope that'll help!

Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on May 11, 2013 at 3:03pm

So sorry Darlene. It's so new. Overtime the pain lessens. Your heart will still hurt but it won't be shattered like it feels now. God is good. He'll bring peace into your mind, heart and soul.


Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on May 11, 2013 at 2:05pm
It's terrible and it's not even "the day" yet, so sad for my daughter mostly because she has 3 little girl's without a Mom! And me without a daughter!!! My Mom passed less than 2 months b/4 my only child, Candace. In 2010, I can't get past it. Forget the numerous triggers, there's a whole day to be depressed. And the PRE-depressssed!!!
Comment by lynn on May 11, 2013 at 10:51am

first mothers day without my mom - very sad -many don't understand unless they have gone through losing their mom- very hard all day yesterday wherever I went people say have a good mothers day - happy mothers day- hard to not cry ;(

Comment by Donna Marie on May 11, 2013 at 7:43am

That is good that you have friends who are visiting and calling, and making those connections with you. I lost my Daddy the day before you lost your Mom. I think part of the reason my grief seems so unbearable, is that Daddy's death has shown me that I have no friends. No one showed up at the services for friends have called or checked on me, and this is the greatest time of need I've ever experienced. I am a month away from getting my driver's liscence reinstated, so I have literally been stuck here, in Daddy's house where he died...a friend to take me for a ride for an hour or so would have helped so much on so many days. I have done a lot of walking, but I am becoming to weak and heart sick to even do that anymore. I always knew I would feel so alone without Daddy....I just didn't know HOW alone I actually I am.

Comment by Darlene Minter on May 10, 2013 at 11:25pm

It has now been a week since Mom's death on May 4th.  Today, I had a close friend to visit me and another one to call to check on how I am doing.  Making connections with other people and remembering mama in a positive way has made the grief a little more bearable.  I still am not clear about the next move I should make, but I am not as paralyzed as I was right after her death.  Mother's Day will be hard, but I believe I can survive, if I connect with church friends and close family members.

Comment by Donna Marie on May 10, 2013 at 9:41pm

My name is Donna...I'm 40 yrs old...I just lost my Daddy unexpectedly last Friday, May 3rd. I don't really know what this kind of site is really all about...I just know that this is the worst thing I have ever been thru in my life, and I'm honestly questioning if I will survive it. I don't feel like talking or saying I will lurk here for now, and observe. Thanks.


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