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How do you grieve for someone you are not allowed legally to speak about? When you are told you cannot speak about a person, it makes things a little more difficult especially when asked how, why, when, etc. All we do at the moment is play music that reminds us of him, who was ripped from us needlessly at a very young age, not to mention, he was quite healthy..
I don't know how to edit my comment. What I meant to say is that folks in some third world countries are so surrounded by family that they are never alone...I said very alone...which they are not. Also meant to say I wanted to get on a plane to see my friend.....not get on a place...sorry for the confusion...
Hello All,
Thanks for posting your experience of grief as it is helping me quite a bit. My mom passed a couple months ago. Her death was difficult and so I feel like I am dealing with this as well. I had hoped for an easy passing for her but did not happen. She was 96.
What has surprised me more then anything is that folks, friends and family did not call or contact me after a couple days. I don't have kids or family in the area so it has made her absense even more intense. I did get quite a few emails on FB but other then this nothing.
I told me friend overseas about this experience. I said I remember as a child, 50+ years ago things seemed different. When my grandmother passed so many people came by the house. I was 9 or so and remember the experience well. My friend, who lives in a 3rd world country said that where he lives they don't have "grief counseling". He stated everyone is so connected with large families that when someone dies the grieving one is very alone. And if someone is left all alone in the world after their loved one passes then another family will adopt them. I was astonished to say the least.
I wanted to get on a place to live where he does asap and get adopted.
And is got me thinking. Some of us are isolated whether we have family or not with our grief in this society. So our grief is normal but society just does not know how to deal with it.
No one calls me, I feel others avoid talking with me now. I did not mention my mom to them or talk much about what I was feeling. Folks in general just don't know what to day. It is amazing.
Thanks for the sharing here. At first when I did not hear from anyone I thought it was me but now I realize this is how grief is handled now in the US. Sad really.
I will update my story when I move to be with my friend overseas.
okay, so, here we go. I lost my husband of 25 years on April 21 2009. He died from cancer, one month from diagnosis to he passing. One month from normal life to my living nightmare. Previous to this diagnosis, he was diagnosed with another cancer, had operation, and we were told his prognosis was good they could almost guarantee they had got it all. A little over 8 months later, he was diagnosed with a second primary cancer, and this one killed him. It was fast and brutal.
2 years on and people think I should be moving on, nobody calls and asks how I am, in fact that ceased quite early, maybe in the first 6 months. I have a bf, I do what needs to be done in life, I laugh, spend time with my 3 beautiful girls and my lovel grandaughter. Sometimes I think I am getting a grip on this grief thing, but other times I think I am fooling myself and everyone around me. I am constantly in the grip of sadness, it is this deep well inside of me, it holds me and it wont let me go. Even when I am laughing, enjoying my childrens company, doing something with my bf, I look fine on the outside, but there is an undercurrent of pain to everything. I miss him so very much, there is still a lot of guilt about things, even though my head tells me I should not feel guilty. There is still a lot of anger about many things, even though I tell myself I should no longer be angry. And always the pain.
I have anxiety now. I used to be a strong person, made decisions, both big and small, with relative ease in my life. Always sure things would work out in the end. Now I have no confidence in my ability to make the big decisions about things and any time I try, the anxiety kicks in. I have not slept properly, not one single night, for at least 3 years. I feel lonely, all the time, even when I am with those who care about me.
In the end, I guess I am just wandering lost in my life, and I hate it, I hate feeling lost, I hate my lack of confidence, and I am so very, very tired of the constant pain.
Kristina
My husband of 27 years passed away on January 23- 2011 at the age of 47.
I've been in so much pain I didn't even know I lost twenty pounds.
How do I control this hurt?
I walk from room to room with no purpose know idea what to do.
Life is going on around me and I can't seem to move.
Thank you for the benifit of advise you offer all even those who may not share , for even I am surprise that I find myself here sharing for one that keeps all inside for the one that I trusted most in life to talk to is no longer here , my dear and special Special Sister . One who I shared the journey in life with to share all the good and the bad with . Always there on the phone or by my side as I was for her . Now my words seem to be silenced for no one wants to hear of her or the pain . So coming here and reading what the many have shared and sadly though have have had to go my heary breaks yet I find guidance some how that even in the writing that the tears I have do have meaning as she did . As the many loved ones that are mentioned . That they memories of them carry on not only the heart of their family and friends but now all us .
Again thank you for what you are doing as simple as it may seem to some if only to know that what you do mean so much to those that are here .
take care
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