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It's not just death that creates these feelings of loss and grief. It's any number of life's challenges that come with unrelenting frequency and severity.Separately, one might be able to handle all the curves life throws you, but there comes a time when you say, " I can't take any more of this." Mine came in the form of needing to get out of a marriage that was slowly killing me.
" Stop, I want out of this marriage." Through long-standing physical, verbal and emotional abuse, lack of support unless it was for public viewing,no empathy,extreme narcissism that only worsened over time, total lack of insight into his behavior or other's feelings, refusal to seek counseling, constant job losses or problems, no such thing as deferred gratification, inability to get along with superiors, especially females , always needing to be right, always needing to be at the head of the line or the center of attention, no interest in anyone else's life or problems, total self-absorption, minimizing his deviant behavior, no ability to be flexible or deal with change, instantaneous rage with the constant threat of danger, poor money management-unable to keep his financial commitments,overspending because he" deserved" it, inability to get along with his parents, no interest in my family-they were just stupid Iowa dirt farmers,had to have the best and latest models of camera or electronic equipment, even when he couldn't afford it , no meaningful communication .He said he was always in the "dog house".No ability to see what needed to be done around the house, never helped me.( He would sit and watch while I toiled for hours). Work always done with resentment and grumbling,negativity,Constant complaints about how I did or didn't do things-nothing was ever right,he was rude,made everyone uncomfortable with his constant complaining and criticism of me.He lied ,obfuscated the truth,didn't keep his word or his promises,was vindictive,angry, careless, manipulative,uncompromising.
He is in good health. I am not. I have Parkinsons and had to quit a job I loved in 2004 because I just couldn't do it anymore. He took this as an opportunity to do less around the house and left more for me to do instead of offering to help.So I was supposed to take care of him and myself. He said he viewed his role as dealing with the financial situation, meaning he would take control of my disability payments and use them for God knows what. It surely was not to meet my needs. He never came with me to the neurologist or offered me any emotional support. The only thing he was worried about was that his access to my income might be curtailed as my medical expenses rose.Because he had such a hard time getting along with people, he lost his job in 2002 and was unable to find anything comparable so I ended up taking on financial responsibility for most of the house.He bought a Miata. And his employment at the age of 59 consisted of minimal wage jobs which he couldn't even keep because he couldn't get along with the other employees so he was fired at least five times in five years.Finally, after all the verbal, emotional and physical abuse, I said I'd had enough and I wanted a divorce. He was totally shocked, not so much because I was leaving him but because his free ride was over.Well, he got the last laugh. He was totally uncooperative through the divorce, demanded a huge settlement,even some of my disability payments, more than 50% which I paid just to get it done as I was not handling the emotional upheaval well and he had a couple of buddies giving him advice that" time was his ally" so if he could just wait me out I would cave which is exactly what happened. I had rotten legal advice and he had a more dogged attorney who knew how to manipulate things to his advantage.I told my attorney she should take a lesson from her adversary and perhaps learn a thing or two about how things work .You don't win by being nice and playing it straight down the middle by the book
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