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It will be 5 years tomorrow on July 4th 2009, since my husband passed. I thought about him this morning. I cried of course. It was just like the memories of my husband passing seems fresh in my mind. The pain is still there, but not as intense. I thank God, my children, some friends and definitely this website. I know healing is a daily process. My motto is take one day at a time,that really does help. I also think about the good memories of my husband. Sometimes you don't realize what you have until your loved one is no longer here. So I am learning to appreciate my loved ones that are still here with me.
Strangely enough, after reading about the loss of other readers parents, I realized that the sudden loss of my brother during the holidays was worse for me than the deaths of my mom and dad. My sister once said that our brother "chose his own way to go". His death was far more catastrophic for me since he was the first very close family member to pass on. After that, when my parents died at 77 and 84 of health-related illnesses, I was very sad and was able to cry and then feel better. With my brother's manner of death, I cried but never openly. I could tell my huiband and sons really didn't understand my wild and crazy emotions. So I kept those feeling inside. That was a mistake on my part. By never talking about my brother, I wasn't giving friends and family members a chance to listen and let me air my feelings. Why was this important? Because these feelings WILL come out eventually. It's better to talk about them than to suffer inwardly or engage in destructive behaviors.
Here it is Christmas Eve..I was sitting here feeling the blues and crying when I decided to get on this page to help me thru the pain Im feeling..My loving Mother will be gone 5 years on Friday,then thinking of my dear husband that I lost 10 years ago and a brother July of this year..I asked GOD why so many people have to die,its so heart breaking for all of us to go through,,Friday will be a bad day for me,my mom was my buddy,best friend and a loving mother..Thank you for sending me an email to join your site, it does ease some of the pain I feel..Thanks again and you all try and have a merry christmas..
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