Suicide Survivors

Losing someone to suicide is devastating and often leaves survivors struggling to understand what happened and why. The grieving process can be long and complicated. If you have lost someone to suicide, LegacyConnect has experts who can help.

From the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Why Did This Happen?

What Do I Do Now?

When You Fear Someone May Take Their Life

By Michelle Linn-Gust, President of the American Association of Suicidology

• Suicide: Finding Hope A New Website

The Grief of Sibling Survivors

• Military Suicide Loss

Running Through the Pain

 The Road We Don't Choose

 Loving Someone Under a Black Cloud


By Sarah York, author and minister

Planning a Memorial Service After a Suicide

By Robbie Miller Kaplan, author

Supporting the Bereaved After a Suicide

 What Not to Say After a Suicide

 

By Susan Soper, author

Suicide and Obituaries


By Florence Isaacs, author

Youth Suicide: How to Help the Survivors

 

By Ellen Gerst, author and suicide survivor

Embrace Your Grief to Release It

Listening to What a Bereaved Child Needs

 

By Dr. Therese Rando, psychologist and author

Sudden Death

 

Other Resources

Teen Depression - A Guide for Parents

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm

Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide

http://www.sptsusa.org/

 


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Comment by christine morris on May 16, 2013 at 5:53pm

my partner my best friend the person i was closest to in the world for 12 years we shared our live together....we struggled wth addiction and along wth that came a chaotic life.On April 29,2013 he hung himself...he couldnt stop using his depretion had  stolen all his joy all his hope...I am in the beginning of this since it just happened,we buried him less than a week ago....i am dieing..i cant eat,cant sleep,i can barely speak my thoughts are consumed wth every emotion.See 3years ago he moved out of state we needed to seperate to get our lives together ,i celebrated 2years clean on Jan3,2013...I have an amazing and beautiful life,I have all my children back in my life,I have 4 lil grandbabies i spend time with and adore,I have a support network of to many wonderful loving people to even count,I take my story into treatment facilities,I am also living wth full blown AIDS I am very healthy ...I worked my ass off and kept doing the next right thing to get this life....we spoke every single day he was away,5,6,7,8 times a day,we had plans to get married and a month ago he moved back home,got a job transfer and all our dreams of a wonderful life were about to come true...I was on top of the world! He wasnt clean I did not know until he came home and I saw all the old behaviors,spending his paycheck in one night,disappering...as a recoverying addict I couldnt be around someone using,especially my old using partner,so I told him we could not be together 3 days later he got his last paycheck spent it all and he hung himself that morning:( my world ended,all my dreams that I hve had for so many years were never going to come true,.I am lost in this quilt,regret,wish i would have said something more to him,I just want him to know I didnt push him away because i didn love him,i loved that man with every ounce of my being,I held him away from me because of fear fear of losing all the good in my life.Today I had my first little bit of clarity and a few hours of relief,but its back right now and i cnt see how im ever gonna get through this,What now? I ache for him to hold me just one more time, I lost my soul mate,and even wth all my friends and family supporting me ,I feel so so so alone ,he left me alone,he gave up,he wasnt suppose to give up,we are surviors,He just couldnt find the hope it takes to recover.I am so grateful I always held on to hope ..i hate that he was in that much pain that suicide was the only solution..what a dark horrible place he was in.I just pray he found the peace he could never find here:( ILY baby

Comment by Sharon Fisher on April 20, 2013 at 10:33am

Life is so strange. After reading these posts I realize that I am the same as many of you. Our son took his life on 01/15/96, he was 17 and our only child. This year is especially difficult in that it's been 17 years since he passed away and he was 17 when he passed, so he's been gone as long as he lived now. I'm 53 and my husband is 55 and all of our friends are becoming grandparents, something we will never experience. What do women talk about? Their children and grandchildren. It's torture not having my son in my life. Some days it feels like a life time ago and other days it seems like just a week or so ago. I never stop longing, pining, aching to see him, talk to him, hear his voice, prepare a meal for him. It really is absolute torture. I am a christian and God has given me peace that he is with God now. For that I am so grateful, however that does not stop the longing to see him. I have periods of normalcy and contentment and even joy and happiness, but it always creeps back in and sometimes just consumes me. GRIEF! I've read and had people give me so much advice. Things like: You'll let go of the pain when it stops working for you. It's time to let go and move on. You must have acceptance. I can honestly say that I've given all that my very best shot. However, for myself, I still long, ache and pine for my child. I can not begin to describe this level of pain and sorrow, there are no words. I mostly suffer in silence and put on my happy for the world, it makes them all feel better. It is my prayer to be able to lay this down at the foot of the cross and have true happiness and joy my life again. It is my prayer for the rest of you suffering this deep pain to be able to do the same. Be blessed, Sharon

Comment by Pamela Snyder on March 8, 2013 at 2:43pm

My son killed himself via a gunshot to his head on the back deck on December 10, 1012 he was just 19.5 years old.  That is almost 3 months ago, but seems longer.  I guess that’s because the last few years he wasn’t home much.  He was on the Varsity hockey team and other sports and had many friends.  With all that and being in the National Guard and gone for Advanced Training he was very busy and not around.  I guess I miss the most that I can’t call and talk with him, seeing him grow up into a responsible adult with a family, Christmas was very hard.  Four days before he died he and I went to pick up his father’s Christmas gift with his truck and had dinner with his sister who is going to school there.  We had a nice talk during the drive.  About how he wanted to buy the truck from us, what he still needed for college, he was to start in 4 weeks at Iowa State on almost a free ride with his good grades and testing.  He said he wanted to study abroad in Germany, and work on 2 degrees at once.  Was going to live with the ROTC but not commit yet, he would have to keep his room clean living with them.  He even purchased a new phone the Galaxy Note 2.  He had everything going for him, good looks, lots of friends, money.  The only thing I can think of is that its stems from January 26, 2012 injury when he got a TBI skiing and spent 3 weeks in the hospital, and a month in therapy.  He was cremated and I keep him in the kids office buy the chair he always sat in to play his x-box.  I set there and talk to him, I have only had one dream or vision of him and it was just a second he was standing next to my bed.  I have read 7 books, created a shutterfly book, and talk to anyone who will listen about him and what happened.  My husband and I go to The Compassionate Friends meetings, Grief Recovery meetings, starting an 8 week Grief Help group at the hospital.  I want to go to a Suicide Survivor Support group as soon as the weather gets better.  We will be going to the Eye Donor dinner. I miss him so much, I keep busy so I don’t breakdown.

Comment by christine myers on November 12, 2012 at 9:25am

I was 18 when my mom killed herself. That was 20 years ago. I remember being so angry. Then feeling abandoned and not good enough. People said when it happened that things would get easier but it really dosent. Sure i don't cry like i used to but i struggle everyday with the emotions left from this tragedy. It has been really hard to have "normal" relationships because the normal changes. I'm now the same age she was when she died and i cant look at my kids and family and think of ever hurting them in that way. I have read a lot of the posts here and i pray for all of you that have lost a loved one to suicide. The what ifs, the helplessness, the guilt never go away. The only thing we need to remember is that people that take their own lives are not trying to hurt us but trying to escape their own demons. I love you mom.

Comment by chris mailey on September 7, 2012 at 1:12am

2 mos ago,my sis'husband,took his own life,after my sister died after being ill 4 along time.2 say the least,ive never gotten over the loss of my sister.my brother also,took his own life 10 yrs ago.so,now,im just a big loser.have been mentally disabled 4 most of my life.i dont know what to do anymore

Comment by Sharon Floyd on August 2, 2012 at 6:31pm

I lost my son December 20,2011 to suicide. THis is the worse pain I have ever felt, and my life will never be the same. THis was my only son and only child. Christmas will never be the same for me. After reading all of the post below, my heart goes out to each one of you. I will keep you all in my prayers. I still have bad days, but I will say they are getting better a little at a time. What keeps me going is all the memories, boy do I have a lot and wil always cheerish them. On the bad days when I cry, thinking of all the good memories, and just laugh.. I will say I miss him walking in the door and saying whats for dinner "smalls". My son was 28 and left behind a beautiful little girl. I am here to help support you all as we all are. God bless you all.

Sharon

Comment by Teresa on June 1, 2012 at 10:54pm

A song my son's friend wrote for him after he died.

http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=61643984&ac=now

Comment by thomas piteo on May 13, 2012 at 11:14pm

My daughter will always be 17.  She/we had a bad day. The meds were not working right and she had just given up.   She fought so hard.  Admitting herself to the hospital three different times. But by then her illness was to far along and I hate to say it, but,  I think she was to smart for the doctors and her own good. I think that she thought they would tell us what was going on and they didn't.  Plus there was no communication between the many therapists and doctors treating her.  We didn't know any better and the questions we asked were poo-pooed and other people experiencing this said it sounded about right.  if I only knew then what I do now.  God bless everyone who has lost someone especially a parent who has lost a child.  this is the worst.

Comment by Diane Hood on October 18, 2011 at 9:07pm
My Son Andy shoot himself in the chest minutes after calling me and telling me that he loved me, I felt something was not right and after I hung up the phone I tried to call him back I had no Idea he was telling me Good bye.  He loved me and I loved him but he had issue that even even I couldn't help him with. I'm crying as I write this because of the love I have for him.  I know he's in a better place and at peace but I miss him so much but I remember the saying Absent from the Body, In the Presence of the Lord and I have to continue to believe that:)
Comment by Joanne Young on October 3, 2011 at 7:25pm

I lost my son to suicide on ANZAC Day in 2005.  It has been a long journey and I know that it will continue.  In saying that though I know that my life will never be the same without him but I have chosen to make the most of my life and share it with my husband and daughter.  My son was 27 and he was a beautiful person but sadly chose to take a half of an ecstacy tablet, one weekend with friends, which changed him into a frightened, paranoid person.  This was a nightmare for him and us, his family. This led to him taking his life.  As hard as it is to talk about this I have spoken to many young people over the years and encourage them to think long and hard before taking drugs of any kind as it can be like Russian Roulette.  It only takes one bad pill to change your life, or worse, end it forever. 

My thoughts are with each and everyone of you here who have lost a loved one.  Especially to newly bereaved, be gentle with yourself and know that we have all become members of a club not one of us would have chosen to join but we all understand and care.

Comment by donna henderson on October 2, 2011 at 2:16pm
my cousin was 24 years old he hung himself he was severely depressed.  My mom came to me and sat me down at the kitchen table.  I knew in that instant something was terribly wrong, when she told me i started screaming and crying. I then called my brother on the island and told him.  I think it was hardest on my aunt and uncle you are not supposed to bury your own children they are supposed to out live you.
Comment by donna henderson on October 2, 2011 at 2:16pm
my cousin was 24 years old he hung himself he was severely depressed.  My mom came to me and sat me down at the kitchen table.  I knew in that instant something was terribly wrong, when she told me i started screaming and crying. I then called my brother on the island and told him.  I think it was hardest on my aunt and uncle you are not supposed to bury your own children they are supposed to out live you.
Comment by Margaret Love on September 19, 2011 at 10:33pm
My next to the oldest son died from an accidental overdose on November 12, 2009. I spoke to him the night before he was suppose to come over and have chili dogs with me and his older brother, he was living with his girlfriend and her parents, her mom was on drugs and eventually he started taking them. On the night I spoke to him he asked me if he was a bad or troubled child when he was growing up and I told him no he was a very loving child. I dont know what got into him but around 4:45 on the 12 of November his girlfriend came over and told us she thought he was gone. They called 911 and they rushed him to the hospital and at 5:09 he was prounced dead. When I hung up from talking to him the last thing he said was I Love you momma and I wont do anything stupid. But my baby is gone. Then not a year passed and I lost my oldest to a genetic disorder that noone knew he had called EHLERS DANLOS SYNDROME, on Oct 20, 2010. I had lost my baby to a genetic disorder called NIEMANN PICK TYPE C when he was 4 1/2 yrs. old. He was diagnosed at 4 1/2 mo. old. He was given to age 6 to live. Why is this all happening to me. I have one son left out of 4 and he is in th NAVY.
Comment by Charlie Bray on September 14, 2011 at 8:22pm
Since I am in the states and don't know all the laws of confidentiality in Holland, perhaps I am mistaken.  However, here it would not only be against the law but completely unethical for a counselor to divulge any patient information to ANYONE under ANY circumstances.  It violates the client rights without a written consent form.  Hope that helps.  :)
Comment by Marianne Spratt McGrath on February 20, 2011 at 10:22pm

My father shot and killed himself one morning after I went to school.

It was January 30, 1967....he left me the suicide note.........I was 15, and I remember it like it was yesterday.....I am 59 now. Still sucks.

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