oops in the sentence of: And Joe would say I'm your long son! I meant to write only son! should have proof read but didn't. Sometimes it difficult to do some things but after just being on the telephone and having a nice conversation I feel able to proof-read. Sorry about that. Barbara
Hi Carrie, I read your post on the front page because of your name. I too lost my only child my son Joe. It was 5 years and just about 5 months ago that a drunk driver took Joe from all those who love him. I get exactly what it is you are feeling as saying. It's normal to think of our children before going to sleep and when waking up. Crying and screaming is also a normal thing too. It's not that bad any more for me. Yet I still think of my favorite son as I use to call him. And Joe would say I'm your long son! I hate it and try not to waddle in anger. I'm very busy in my community and usually go to many places for picnics and parties if I'm up to it. We will never get over it. Sometimes I have to think that he will be coming to see me. I have his photos around and have connected with a number of his friends from High School and his college fraternity. The last time a nice guy that was a brother in the same fraternity came to visit me and my husband during the 5th year. I bake some snickerdoodels because I can recall Joe baking them when he was in the boy scouts for a young man getting his Eagle Scout award. I only ate one and the ones not eaten were sent back with the fraternity brother to bring back home to his kids and their friends. I must tell you I was rather depressed for a couple of days. I don't know why but I thought that when I've seen other friends at functions and a few that come from out of state to visit and have dinner I'm not depressed. However, I know the two boys and the one wife for many years. I never know when I'm going to feel unhappy but I do try not to be miserable. It's really painful to feel negative. I do things to help myself and sometimes I'm still feeling like I did from the first day the police came to tell me. Sometimes we need to deny the reality of it all to continue living. Joe's birthday was August 5th and I chose to be happy that he was in my life. He was my only miracle. If I never had him so many people would have been deprived of knowing my son Joe. My life would have been different. It could have been whatever it would have been. I type and talk a lot at times. I'll look forward to hearing from you. Just click on my name and I'll respond. With Love, Barbara
Hi, Carrie. You're most welcome for the welcome. I think just saying what we're feeling is so important, keeps us from letting that anger build up until we explode. You've got the right to be angry, that's for sure, but I think you're on the path to some kind peace as you very clearly identified there's a big hole in your life that needs to be filled before it swallows you up. Some people just never get that concept and they don't find peace (or even acceptance) but you do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I look forward to hearing from you again.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I couldn't begin to imagine what you're going through but wanted to at least say hello, to let you know you're not alone on this site. Although everybody's losses may be different we're all here for basically the same reason, that we need to talk to someone or just tell the world about how we're feeling. Sometimes folk on this site just post quick thoughts or go into great detail to paint a picture of the person they've lost, others ask for specific guidance or suggestions. Others, too, just want to vent - which personally I find very helpful : )
If you ever want to reach out to a complete stranger please do - I'm here for you.