Annette,

I don't even know what to say...So many children lost.. Have you read the book Heaven is For Real?  Elizabeth Kuber Ross is another person who has studied death in children and her work reveals some very concrete evidence the children see the other side. Check out her books if you have not already.   Just think, all of the children you have experienced and love so much are together in heaven just looking at the door you will soon walk through.     I also know of one other that helped me feel so much better at first..  it was  The Shack by WM Paul Young.    It is fiction but so much a example of the love God has for us.   I am here if you need a friend.  Shannon