Thank you for your wall post Annie. I am not yet 4 months into a similar journey to yours. Sometimes all I can think of is what it'll be like when I'm older and without him. Everything seemed fine to me too, and then he was gone. I have never heard anyone but you say that the wife is always the last to know, and it made me smile to hear those words. I think it lifted some of that suicide survivors guilt.
Thinking of you.