April
  • Alpharetta, GA
  • United States
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  • Susan - Donny's Mom
 

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At 6:54pm on July 31, 2014, Susan - Donny's Mom said…

Well just keeping in contact with them is great!  Like I said you just being you will help you cannot take away their loss at the moment.  I still cry......never know when it will hit.  Which we all share on the site.  Comes out of nowhere.....bam.  So it at least gives us some comfort to know we are kinda normal in the journey.  We all agree we will never forget our lost children, we need to find ways to bring them into conversations and memories with everyone.  Nothing is worse than thinking everyone is forgetting them.  Hopefully they have good friends or family that can help on a daily basis. 

Susan

At 5:38pm on July 31, 2014, Susan - Donny's Mom said…

Our loss was sudden too. AOD on Christmas Eve 2009.  He is one of the casualties of these new deadly (stong) pain meds and social alcohol.  Left 3 young girls right in the middle of a very bad divorce.  Terrible time for our family.  I too have another child (girl) who is devasted by the loss of her brother.  They were 18 months apart and always grew up together with all the same friends.  When they were older they were best friends doing everything together with their kids. 

So my best advice for you is to just be there when you can, you certainly cannot make up for your brother's loss for them but you will help them try and go foward in life.  There's a book that was so helpful to me in the beginning as I didn't belong to any site.

"I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye"  Brook Noel/Pamela Blair  this book was very good reading and helped me understand my feelings of shock and new grief.  I tried joining "groups" but they just didn't do" it " for me.  I was very thankful when I found this group created by Tami.  Later on we even found out we live 1/2 hour from each other.  We talk all the time on FB and email.  She too lost a young son (21) and has a daughter, so we had things in common.

The first year is like a black hole....no one can say or do anything to relieve the shock and grief....they just have to go hour by hour then day by day then week by week.  Just having you will keep them going.  This will test their marriage as many fail after these losses.  Take them for rides, get them out if you can but remember you can take away their hurt....just be you.

Later on in this journey another good book to follow up is "Awakening from Grief"  John Welshons  but much later.

I am sorry for your loss, sudden ones are just devastating to the whole family, it is just shocking.  Hugs to you and your family, I hoped I helped a little.  Post to me when you want.

Susan

At 2:20pm on July 31, 2014, Susan - Donny's Mom said…

April, very sorry to hear about the loss of your brother.  I just wanted to reach out to you and let you know I lost my son at 39 almost 5 years ago.  If I can be of any help to comfort your parents I am open to advise you.  I have book suggestions and just general ideas to make the grief journey go a tiny bit easier.  I co-run the site with Tami and we are virtual friends together.  Please feel free to check out my page and give me a post if you would like to talk.

Susan  Donny's Mom

 
 
 

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