Ashley
  • Female
  • Gainesville.fl
  • United States
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I recently lost my 22 month old child also due to a drowning july 5,2009. It has been the most hardest time of my life. I also felt like a large piece of me died along with my angel. I spent countless nights reliving the events of that day. When I saw him at the bottom of the pool my I had no reaction, it was like an out-of-body experience for me. I was so shocked the only thing I could do was get on my knees and pray. I love him with all my heart and being that he was so young, and that he was my first child I felt like I should've been there to protect him.....but I couldn't. I play those images in my head all the time, even the good times makes me cry! It's like one day we're one big happy family, and the next day my house is in complete silence. I am 22 years old and it's kind of tough thinking about how I going to have to deal with a wound so fresh, and so deep for the rest of my life. I am currently on my second little boy (6mo preg as of now), and Im terrified. I really need a support group or someone to talk to personally who has been where I am now, to reach out..........the pain is unbearable at times.

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At 10:32pm on January 28, 2010, Chris Harder said…
Hi Ashley...I am such a dunce...I didn't know we would be able to communicate through our own page on Legacy.com. Here we are now, several more months along our journey. I hope you're doing ok. I've found that grief support groups are so important in our being able to cope with the loss. If you visit www.GriefShare.org, you may be able to find a group near you so you can participate. Hugs.
At 3:16am on October 5, 2009, Tami said…
Hello Ashley, I am so sorry to her of your precious little boy. My Son was 18 when he passed in a motorcycle accident on 06-22-09. I didnt lose a baby but I am here for you anytime, You can write all of you feelings, the anger, the sadness, the happiness for the new baby on the way, the confusion of your feelings, I will listen to it all.

XOXOXO
Tami
At 7:30am on August 26, 2009, Chris Harder said…
Hi Ashley...God has a way of making things happen strategically. Our pastor said, "His grace is sufficient for the moment." It's easy to blaim God and be angry at Him for "allowing" our child to die...but I've been looking at it as, "Life happens, and the God who gave Zack to me is also the God who has made a way for me to someday see him again when it's my turn to join him in heaven." Meanwhile, I get to enjoy my memories of him, and I have the privilege of reaching out to others in a way I could not have done before. I used to be "one of those friends who didn't understand."
Birthdays are, indeed, so very difficult, because we miss them instead of celebrating in their presence. One of Zack's friends said that whenever he started feeling sad about Zack being gone, he forced himself to remember the good times he had. That's pretty much what we have to do. I think that to move out of that very painful deep grief is a decision. I remember when I made that decision because I knew that my grief would destroy me if I stayed there. Gradually, over time, the sting of death subsides and we can begin to look on the brighter side. But give yourself time. Grief is a process and, throughout the rest of our lives we will miss our "little boy," but we will remember his smile, laugh, little antics, his photos, his hugs, rather than dissolving into tears. That happens once in awhile, too, but not so much anymore. Grief is a wound that needs time to heal. Tears are the cleansing, like hydrogen peroxide. They sting, but bring healing. When we realize that there is a healing aspect to our tears, we can let them flow freely because we will feel better after we cry.
I do a lot of reading about grief situations and it helps me understand about my grief. If there is a GriefShare group meeting in your area, this is a wonderful support group that brings clarity to your grief as well as knowing that there are others who understand. A lady in our area started a grief support group, we meet monthly, and many meet in between, or talk or email each other, and it really helps because we know that other moms who have lost their babies truly understand and we can feel comfortable sharing with them.
Let's keep in touch. Even emailing with someone who understands helps. XOXO Hugs & prayers. Chris
At 11:18pm on August 23, 2009, Chris Harder said…
Hi Ashley...My heart goes out to you for your loss. I also lost my son to drowning 3 years ago. My Zack was 22 years old and drowned in a river. It doesn't really matter the difference...we've both lost a child and a part of our hearts are wounded beyond belief. Compassionate Friends International might have a Chapter in your area. If not, look up Heritage Oaks Memorial Chapel in Rocklin, CA, and give us a call. Ask for Chris. I would be happy to talk with you.
At 8:42pm on August 23, 2009, Kathy Mook said…
Hi Ashley,
I'm new to this forum. I just wanted to assure you that you are not alone in your concerns with a subsequent child. 28 yrs. ago, when I was 26, I lost my 7 week old son, Noah, to SIDS. One month later, I was pregnant with my youngest son, Jason. Before Noah was born, I had had a miscarriage so all through the pregnancy I kept thinking, everything will be ok if we just make it to full term. When Noah died and I was carrying Jason, I kept thinking, everything will be ok, if I only have a girl this time.(We were told that SIDS was more prominent in boys.) I was so afraid. I already had one son, Jon, the one who recently died, with Cerebral Palsy from complecations at birth, so I had blamed myself in his early years for being so young when I had him.(I had barely turned 17). Now another tiny life would have to depend on me!? Jason is now 27yrs. old and doing fine! One thing I might pass on just so you can be aware. I had a really difficult time bonding to Jason for fear of losing him too. I didn't understand why we weren't close until I was in counseling several years later. Now we have a great relationship. Love that new baby with all you have to offer. I learned that the saying "Life is Precious, Handle With Prayer" is so very true. I hope this gives you some peace.
 
 
 

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