B Brackett
  • Harrisburg, NC
  • United States
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One more day

Posted on October 8, 2011 at 1:17am 0 Comments

My mother and best friend pasted away Sept 25 and I have been able to have a single second where I have not been thinking of her.  She was sick for a very long time.  She was only 66.  I was the primary care giver for my grandfather until he passed two year ago at 85 because my mom was not able to care for him.  I did really well dealing with his passing and thought I was prepared for moms.  I was so wrong.  My sister, brother and I were caring for her at home with the wonderful care of…

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At 8:43pm on December 29, 2011, Theresa LaSalle said…

Thanks Beth so much. I neglected to say mom died last Çhristmas Eve 2010. I like your distinction between regret and guilt. I will give that more thought.  I just loved her so as you loved your mom...I still think we should say we love them so...present tense. I have a friend that said "Death is the end of a life but not a relationship".

Be good to yourself and thanks for thoughtfully answering.

Love, Theresa

At 8:14pm on December 29, 2011, Theresa LaSalle said…

B Brackett,

I too knew my mom was dying but I was planning on going to spend the week with her the next day (I had been there at my mom's house on Wednesday, She died on Friday).  However, I was went for a manicure Friday night as I knew I would spend the week with her and I knew she might die that night..but I wanted to be neat and ready...and also I cleaned my apartment on Friday morning so I would come back to a clean house....all the while thinking she might die before I got there...but I am compulsive and must complete things from manicure to apartment..and she died Friday morning as I was straightening out house and getting ready...to spend week with her. I don't know what kind of moron I was to do this. Still wonder.. Wonder if she was scared when she died or upset I wasn't there and I could  go on.  And,

I love her so...what was wrong with me.  I can't fully mourn her because of this terrible guilt and longing for her.  All I know for sure is I love her so much. However, I can't forgive my behavior.  Theresa

 
 
 

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