It was by random investigation that I happened across your posting on this site, and felt that I needed to comment on the awful losses you have suffered.
I have to tell you that I am a Spiritualist Medium, my belief and my knowledge being that the Spirit does go on after the death of the physical body. It does not help you that you cannot communicate or feel the boys, but they are very much around you. I live in Australia and my work involves many aspects of Spirituality as well as Healing. Part of that Healing is my ability to open myself to communication from the Spirit World to loved ones in this world. May I suggest that you look for a Spiritualist group or Spiritualist Church in your area and investigate and be open to the many possibilities that are able to be created by the amazing intelligence of the Spirit World. We are born into this physical world to learn lessons that will help us progress on our Spiritual path when we return to that world, our true home. This may all sound a bit over the top to you, but please investigate for yourself, you may begin by looking at the website of two of my Tutors who now tour the world (including the Sates) demonstrating both Mental Mediumship and Physical Mediumship. . . . . . . circleofthesilvercord.net or you may like to visit the site of The Open Door Sanctuary in Canada, where I have studied and two other brilliant Tutors can be found . . . . Brian Robertson and Simon James. Please check it out Betty, with my Best Wishes and hope for Healing and Love Jane x x
Betty, I'm so sorry for all that you've been through. I know it feels like you've been handed you more than your share (and you have!). If you feel really bad, I do recommend you get to some support of other people who are willing to help. There are support groups for the suicide bereaved in Cincinnati (go to www.suicidology.org and look under survivors of suicide loss where you'll find them listed by state) and there is a toll free number for people who are bereaved by suicide at 1-800-646-7322. You do not have to be alone in your pain where you feel nothing. Even though you feel nothing, I will tell you that I feel hope for you and I also know that your loved ones are with you. As I say, the bond has not broken, instead it has changed. Know I'm thinking of you and Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you as well. Michelle