I agree with what Peg wrote to you. I get a little lost on this site so I didn't see your message until today..
You are not so unusual because we all feel the fears etc. that you are feeling.. I live alone now too.. Personally i'd rather be alone.. Our children are grown and have their own families and I would just rather be here. I have 2 little dogs and a cat tho and they are a real blessing to me.. I never come home to an empty house with them here..
I lost my husband a little before this past Christmas. I didn't expect it and I don't think he did either.. Life turns upside down over night but we have to just take one day at a time.. It you can't take one day at a time Ben - take one hour at a time and stay close to the Lord - talk to Him throughout each day He will give you the added strength when you need it.. Peg is right when she said this site is a good place to come. You can express how you feel and we all understand because we have either gone through that emotion or are going through it.. God bless you and your wife Ben - you are in my thoughts and prayers..