Betty, please accept my condolences, my heart goes out to you and your family. We're all here because we've lost our children.....no parent should out live their children. The pain and heartache is tremendous and I wish I could tell you that it will get better. A horrible person/persons felt the need to murder my son Mark A. Ashley on March 30, 2009, he was 27yrs old and I'm still suffering as if it happened yesterday. The best thing I can tell you is try to stay strong, if you need to scream, cry, yell....do it and do it as often as you have to. Don't listen to those who tell you "you should be over it by now". We as parents will NEVER be over it. Visit this site as often as you can it's filled with wonderful caring people, it's awful that we all must meet like this...life has dealt us all a terrible blow. If you find yourself needing someone to talk to or just listen we're here. Amy, wrap your arms around yourself and squeeze real tight, you have just been hugged by me, Janice. Amy, I will keep you in my heart and prayers...may God bless you and your family.
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. Your loss is still so new, so I know you are in the surreal part of your journey. I am Debbie, and I lost my son, Joey, on June 20, 2008 by passive hanging when he was 26 years old. I hope you find the support you need here. I am also on a group called Mom of an Angel. We are a group made up of moms who have miscarried, or lost babies, children, and adult children in our lives. We share our lives and the lives of our children with each other, and I can tell you that I have found many friends on this site. It is firstname.lastname@example.org. I hope I will see you there as a member when you are ready to join. My prayers are with you and your family, my friend.
Love and hugs,
Debbie, Mom to ^i^Joey (10-31-81--6-20-08) Lorin, Mike, & Greg
Betty I am so sorry words can't even begin to tell you how I wish i could just give you one of my sons great big hugs that is what i miss the most when you were down he had such a way of huging you knew everything would be alright. Your family is grieving in their own way let this group help you and maybe you can get with a group in your town i have gone to compassionate friends once I know some didn't like it but it was good to hear how other people are coping with their loss also, I am also looking into something called griefshare but this is at a church and is a 13 week session and right now i don't know if i could go and listen to how God loves us so much and only does what is best when he has allowed such beautiful children to be taking away from all of us I know it wasn't his doing my son went into the other lane and hit headon but i have been told by many people at the sceen they have seen worse and people lived but my son died and he was wearing his seatbelt and the air bag went off, please just know we are all here for you we can't take the pain away but please remember we all are sharing it with you
To be honest if it wasn't for this site I realy think i would have taken my own life already, i have 3 other children but 2 are step children but i count them as my own since my husband and i raised them since they were babies but all the kids are grown they are 23, 22, 21 the 21 year old came back home from college to help me and we told her she could live here for free just to keep me busy but she isn't ever here she says its just to hard and i know it is. His room and clothes comfort me where everyone else just gets them sadder so I stay on this site so much i have started a journal and talk to certain friends my doctor has me on medicine and I can realy tel if i forget to take it, I hope you have gone to your doctor and got something some people says its a crutch well right now we all need all the crutches we can get. Some people says time it gets better not ok but better and then some says it gets worse i hope and pray it gets better my parents lost my two sisters in a auto accident when they were 13 and 16 and i was only 2 so i don't rmember but i do remember that i had a normal childhood even though i saw my parents sad alot but they got thru it and thru this site and help from others i pray we all will also.
I lost my 17 year old son in a auto accident on november 19th just a few days earlier than you lost your daughter, I'm not the one to tell you if it gets better because like you i am so numb most days i feel like i can't go on, but i can tell you this site has helped me more than any family friends or even grief counseling no one judges and everyone truly cares, and no one tell you it was for the best and it was Gods plan.
Betty, It may not seem like it now, but I promise you it will get easier. I lost my only child Jacob on 3/11/10...my world forever changed that day. I did not think that anything would ever get better. Although you will never, ever stop missing your child, and it will hurt forever, you will be able to function again.....It may not seem like it now. The normal you knew in your life up until your loss is gone...a new normal will soon take its place. You will have many, many, many hard times, and that is when this site will help you. You will be amazed at how many people are here to help you through these hard times...for some reason it is such a comfort to know that all of the people here know exactly what you are going through...we do, we have experienced it ourselves. Come here often, read, write if you want, and let us help each other. Before you know it, you will be helping someone else. There is no judgement here, you can rant and rave, cry, yell, scream, anything, you will always find someone to help you, or rant and rave or cry and yell and scream with you...you are not alone.
Hi Betty, first very sorry for the sudden loss of your daughter. You are now in the very beginning of this journey called grief.
These postings below say it all, I can't add a thing. This website has been a life saver for me. Only here do people truly understand our pain. For now it is minute by minute, and hour by hour for you. You can't rush a thing. Take is slow, try and rest yourself, read books that help you to understand and read the like posts on this website whenever you can.
Hugs to you and again very sorry for your loss.
p.s. Yesterday (xmas day) was my son's (39) first angel birthday. He left his loving family on xmas morning 2009. Our family has and never will be the same. But we are working at bringing joy and happiness as much as we can back into our lives for the sake of his 3 beautiful daughters left without a Dad.
Betty! I haven't read your profile only your post, but I can tell you what has "helped" me since the loss of my son.(Mark-40)
First, I have only stayed close to those that don't insist that I "get over it". When someone hints to that I tell them that unless they have walked in the shoes of a parent that has lost a child they have no clue and to never repeat that "phrase" in my presence. I insist on speaking of him when the conversation calls for it and if people become uncomfortable then that is their problem, not mine.
This experience totally changes your personality and the way you look at life. I am much more assertive (not that I was ever at a loss for words), but things that used to be mind blowers I now shrug off as totally unimportant. I don't get all worked up or involved in others problems, unless they are going through the same experience we have (as nothing else even comes close).
It never gets easier. This Christmas was as hard as the first but, I managed it better. Changed my "normal" way of celebrating and went to stay at my daughters to be with my grandchildren. (always had Christmas at home).
Some take comfort in grieving groups. I did not. But it has helped to be a part of this site as everyone hear has lost a child and can totally relate to your feelings.
I go to the cemetary, put flowers there (he is buried with his gradmother as she had a stroke the morning of his funeral and passed a week later, and spend time there both grieving and remembering. In some strange way I feel close to him there.
I have a memory "hutch" in my den and whenever I come across something that was his or was special to him I put it in there. I don't dwell over the cabinet but I do have it and always will.
I kept his dog. I know that is what he would have wanted it.
Lastly, use meds if you have to. My doctor convinced me to use them for now.