Thanks very much for the friend request and I appreciate your response to my comment. I was having a bit of a melt down when I wrote it. After several weeks of feeling like I was on living on Mars or Jupiter, things seemed to be getting somewhat more bearable and then on Sunday everything seemed to turn upside down again. Patrik passed away on June 10 at 11:45 a.m. Last Sunday I was standing in the check-out line at the grocery store and that awful last day suddenly popped into my head again. Suddenly the realization that it was now the 10th of August hit me and for some reason, I don't know why, I glanced down at my watch and........it said 11:47!
Several people on this site have mentioned receiving "signs" from out of the blue, well if this wasn't a sign I don't know what is. I have no idea what it meant, but nothing can be that coincidental. Since that moment I feel like I have taken a huge step backward and the tears and the emptiness which had been subsiding have returned, leaving me feeling helpless and a bit hopeless. I know his death is still recent, but living through the aftermath day by day seems like an eternity. I have now reached that point where my friends and family have drifted back to their own lives (as they must eventually) but I am left trying to deal with this crushing weight and pretending that it's no big deal because I've got it all figured out. Well to quote Meryl Streep, "I'm not all that figured out". Your assurances that things do get better help. May I also add that my sympathy is with you in the loss of your partner Josh.