Hi Birthie, just dropping by to see how you are?  Valentine's Day was ok.  My daughter made a lovely dinner and I released some balloons into the sky and read a poem I wrote.   This week has been better.  Off to the Dr. today, but I am sure I will be crying as I talk to him about hubby.   That's okay.

 

Hope you are good:)

Carol

Hi Birthie, I have had some better days but as you say I sure am tired!  This grief is like a big tidal wave.....but you have to pick yourself up and try again.

Man, sometimes.....easier said than done!  I truly didn't realize Feb. would be so difficult, and I really need my counsellor but she is away all month:( so this certainly helps, to be able to share.

Did I tell you I was friends with a lot of the people who took care of my husband?  I have told them at work I can't come upstairs to see you, so if you want to chat, please find me.  Did you find that or had you finished work at the time of losing your husband?

 

Well better go, I have been glued to the tv over Egypt of all things, and even cried today when I heard of Mubarak's resignation.  Anything makes me cry....oh well what can you do!

 

I have enjoyed the last couple of sunny days but here the weather is changing soon.

 

God Bless,

Carol

 

 

Hi Birthie, thanks I am having a couple of better days.  When that grief washes over you there's no stopping it and you shouldn't either but it sure knocks the stuffing out of you!  It had been kind if nice here, sunshine so I have managed to get out for a walk:). Do you get really tired Birthie?  Just like all your energy leaves you?  I sure do sometimes.  I also stay up way too late most of the time too, reading and writing.  I hope you didn't get too much snow there!

I wish you a peaceful day:)
Carol

Hi Birthie, just dropping by to say hello:)  not a good day yesterday but have hopes for a better one today.

 

Hugs,

Carol

Just to finish off (only 2000 characters)!  I went back to work after 4 months of being off.   Strange to go to work where he passed away, especially since I work for a nursing manager, of Oncology of all places.  I don't go up to the nursing units though, can't.   This manager is a good friend of ours and my husband loved her and she took excellent care of him.  Lots of love there for me, and until I decide what to do with my life, i.e.  retirement, grandchild, travelling, I might as well make some money.

Oh I work at Abbotsford Regional Hospital, administration etc....

 

I try to be strong for my husband, because he was so strong, and I want him to be proud of me.   When I think of all the pain he went through, I tell myself "you can do it Carol".   That doesn't mean the tears aren't flowing, that's for sure.  The little one is due June 25th Birthie, a full 5 months pregnant now:)  I don't think I mentioned that my husband predicted this pregnancy before he passed away telling me "I can't go with him because I have work to do, taking care of grandchildren". 

 

Well I'd better sign off, please take care, and I am sorry for your loss of Albert, he sounds wonderful.   I hope you have many loving memories of him to fill your heart.

 

Hugs,

Carol

Just to finish off (only 2000 characters)!  I went back to work after 4 months of being off.   Strange to go to work where he passed away, especially since I work for a nursing manager, of Oncology of all places.  I don't go up to the nursing units though, can't.   This manager is a good friend of ours and my husband loved her and she took excellent care of him.  Lots of love there for me, and until I decide what to do with my life, i.e.  retirement, grandchild, travelling, I might as well make some money.

Oh I work at Abbotsford Regional Hospital, administration etc....

 

I try to be strong for my husband, because he was so strong, and I want him to be proud of me.   When I think of all the pain he went through, I tell myself "you can do it Carol".   That doesn't mean the tears aren't flowing, that's for sure.  The little one is due June 25th Birthie, a full 5 months pregnant now:)  I don't think I mentioned that my husband predicted this pregnancy before he passed away telling me "I can't go with him because I have work to do, taking care of grandchildren". 

 

Well I'd better sign off, please take care, and I am sorry for your loss of Albert, he sounds wonderful.   I hope you have many loving memories of him to fill your heart.

 

Hugs,

Carol

HI Birthe, well you are definitely right, our journies are very similar indeed.  Right now, this time of year, is 1 year ago that we found out basically that Jack had peritoneal cancer:( so the surgeries started and then the port-a-cath and then the chemo.  It was hell.   Jack took 7 rounds of chemo and couldn't take it any longer.  He said "this isn't living".   He also had severe neuropathy from diabetes, and suffered a broken back.   His pain level was excruciating each and every day.  We have a friend in Victoria who is a doctorate and he went into partnership with some doctors and researchers in England.   We began to take the pills they made, all natural, called Salvesterols.   Things were going okay, except that the pain was getting worse and his blood sugars way out of control, which meant him in and out of hospital:(  He would want to go to the E.R. all the time because of pain management issues and I was scared, so scared and then we would argue about it because I knew in my heart he wouldn't come home again.  We went thru June and July with home support coming in and teaching me how to adminster the meds but things got progressively worse and he went back into hospital in August and never came home:(  severe bowel obstruction and of course basically starved to death because he couldn't eat anything.  Yes he was so so young, and it isn't fair, not fair at all.  I wake up sometimes thinking that, or crying in my sleep about it.

 

I am trying to be strong because he was so strong, and as you say, didn't want to leave us, did everything he could to stay, but in the end he said he was so tired and couldn't do it anymore. 

 

HI Birthe, well you are definitely right, our journies are very similar indeed.  Right now, this time of year, is 1 year ago that we found out basically that Jack had peritoneal cancer:( so the surgeries started and then the port-a-cath and then the chemo.  It was hell.   Jack took 7 rounds of chemo and couldn't take it any longer.  He said "this isn't living".   He also had severe neuropathy from diabetes, and suffered a broken back.   His pain level was excruciating each and every day.  We have a friend in Victoria who is a doctorate and he went into partnership with some doctors and researchers in England.   We began to take the pills they made, all natural, called Salvesterols.   Things were going okay, except that the pain was getting worse and his blood sugars way out of control, which meant him in and out of hospital:(  He would want to go to the E.R. all the time because of pain management issues and I was scared, so scared and then we would argue about it because I knew in my heart he wouldn't come home again.  We went thru June and July with home support coming in and teaching me how to adminster the meds but things got progressively worse and he went back into hospital in August and never came home:(  severe bowel obstruction and of course basically starved to death because he couldn't eat anything.  Yes he was so so young, and it isn't fair, not fair at all.  I wake up sometimes thinking that, or crying in my sleep about it.

 

I am trying to be strong because he was so strong, and as you say, didn't want to leave us, did everything he could to stay, but in the end he said he was so tired and couldn't do it anymore. 

 

HI Birthe, well you are definitely right, our journies are very similar indeed.  Right now, this time of year, is 1 year ago that we found out basically that Jack had peritoneal cancer:( so the surgeries started and then the port-a-cath and then the chemo.  It was hell.   Jack took 7 rounds of chemo and couldn't take it any longer.  He said "this isn't living".   He also had severe neuropathy from diabetes, and suffered a broken back.   His pain level was excruciating each and every day.  We have a friend in Victoria who is a doctorate and he went into partnership with some doctors and researchers in England.   We began to take the pills they made, all natural, called Salvesterols.   Things were going okay, except that the pain was getting worse and his blood sugars way out of control, which meant him in and out of hospital:(  He would want to go to the E.R. all the time because of pain management issues and I was scared, so scared and then we would argue about it because I knew in my heart he wouldn't come home again.  We went thru June and July with home support coming in and teaching me how to adminster the meds but things got progressively worse and he went back into hospital in August and never came home:(  severe bowel obstruction and of course basically starved to death because he couldn't eat anything.  Yes he was so so young, and it isn't fair, not fair at all.  I wake up sometimes thinking that, or crying in my sleep about it.

 

I am trying to be strong because he was so strong, and as you say, didn't want to leave us, did everything he could to stay, but in the end he said he was so tired and couldn't do it anymore. 

 

I have gone back to work after 4 months, mainly to have something to do, but also to build up some retirement cushion for myself, and the love and support I have there is wonderful and comforting, strange though it may seem, considering Jack passed away there.  I just can't go up to the nursing units, and