Welcome Bob, I am so sorry for your loss... I know it's difficult, and hard to understand. Time, will heal your wound and God will be there to support you and guide you the whole way. I wish you the very best, stay strong and know that we are all here for you!!
I am sorry for the loss of your fiance. I can only share with you to say take one day at a time. Some days are easier than others, so are not. I have allowed myself to say its OK. I lost my husband Sept 28 2010, and it is a difficult journey. I have yet to find an easier path. I can only tell you one step at a time........
This website have made it easier though, it helps to share.
Bob I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on August 1, it was very unexpected and quick. I did not have time to prepare for this therefore there was a lot of should have's, could have's and what if's. I'm still trying to sort some of this out. Writing and sharing my story with others has made a big difference for me. I've joined a local support group as well as visited this site on occasion. I saw your story and it reminded me a lot about my situation. I was hoping that if I shared, maybe it would help a bit. I work full time, went to school sometimes taking 2 classes at a time. I just wanted to get my degree and advance in my job so that we would have a better future. Needless to say I was so busy that we did not spend a lot of time together especially at the end. I always said it would be worth it in the long run. The hardest thing for me to accept is the time that we lost, because now I can't get it back. IF I could change things I would in a heart beat but I can't. The choices that we made may hurt today, because of the loss that we feel, but we have to find a way to go on. I have learned to be patient with myself, I have also learned that there is no time limit on geif. One thing is for sure and that is that you have to give yourself the ok to feel the pain and sadness and that it is not something that you can get around.
Shock is the first thing I felt when my husband died last Spring. It did not seem possible he could be gone when we were like one. The emptiness was unbearable. It was like i was dead too. Still it's bad but I'm beginning to get used to him not being here. I'll never like it or be comfortable with it but what else can I do. This site helps cause we are all here for each other and understand. Please don't blame yourself, although it is hard to do. There is no explanation sometimes.