Dear Brianne, I am a member of Loss of Child group but read your comment while trying to get a better handle on how my surviving sons are coping with their brother's death. I lost my 28 year old son 4 years ago to a car accident. I suspect, based on my experiences, that your Mother is probably still in shock to some degree. It took me a year to process what had happened to my son. Even though I knew intellectually that he had died I was in utter disbelief. I think we put this protective shell around ourselves in order to survive our child's death. The second year is often worse because of the shock wearing off. She will probably at some point blame herself for not protecting her son and preventing his death. Even though it's not true, she will feel it is. She is having trouble supporting you because she may be in a strange kind of denial along with the shock. It might help you to read posts on the Loss of Child site in order to better communicate with her. I am sorry for your loss and am aware that you are suffering greatly as well but just trying to help regarding your mom's situation. Victoria
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother will be gone 4 yrs in May and still as i write this telling you that i still cry. my brother had an addiction problem also. the last year of his life we became very close. Once he died my family would never speak of it. I felt like i needed to talk about it or about him and they wanted no part of it. they say he died of an overdose ... although i know he had not done anything in couple days. they barely found any in his system. i believe his girlfriend had something to do with his death. she married his neighbor a month later and didnt stay for the funeral. it doesnt get better you just learn to live with it is all. i feel your pain...
Wow. All that right in the middle of the rest of it. It must be beyond hurtful. I don't know about you but my only reactions to insensitive people have been to be upfront (probably rude is the word) if I feel I can be or to avoid them entirely if being rude will make the problem worse. Neither makes the situation better for me but honestly my energy level just doesn't care right now.
Well Brianne, if it helps, we were told that my brother didn't suffer at all. My brother was actually revived, but was too late, he already lost to much oxygen to the brain. He was on life support for 12 hrs., so gave us plenty of time to ask drs.alot of questions. After 6 min. Of losing oxygen to the brain, there's really no hope of surviving without being legally brain dead( which at that time my brother was.) we didn't know til after he passed, that he started to smoke heroin & different drugs.(no needles) but drs. & all websites said, that doing these hard drugs, is toxic to your organs, which will begin to shut-down, can cause u to go into cariac arrest & your breathing begins to slow down so much that you actually just fall into a coma-like sleep. Drs.Said he didn't suffer, was in a deep sleep. My brothers friend found him & called ambulance. My brother was single & lived a party kind of life. Just wish he wld of listen to all r advice, but as I'm finding out addiction is so difficult for both that person & their family!! Again so sorry for your loss, hope we find some peace in this tradegy. But I do think we're gonna keep asking "why" for a long time.
Brianne, I am sorry for your loss. I am glad you are seeking help and reaching out to others. I have trouble communicating with my family as well. I signed on here for some help, but have not found what I am looking for. So I have found a grief support group in my town. I will start going there Monday evening. Keep trying to reach out, don't give up. Sometimes you just need someone to hear you.
Hi Brianne, your not alone.. It will b 3 mos on July 29th., that by brother died from an overdose which gave him a massive heart attack. Your story sounds exactly like mine. Over the years we all knew he had addiction, tried getting him help, but he thought we were crazy!! He was in jail once, in which was the only time he was clean. He was 45 when he passed away, still lived with my parents, until a year ago, he got his own apt., (with the help of my patents,) who just couldn't have him there anymore with his addiction. They tried this plenty of times, but wld take him back... We all worried that one night we wld get a call, well we got that call 3mos ago from my brothers neighbor saying he was rushed to hospital. For 3 mos. I've read every website on drugs,(pills, cocaine, heroin) & how it affects you. Feel guilty also, cause over the past couple years it wasn't fun anymore being around him, so we didn't see too much of each other. Keep asking ourselves, why wld he do this?? Had such a great family, moved to South Carolina with my parents, got his apt. A block from beach, really cld of enjoyed life!!! I guess we'll always have questions,& never really understand, but for me it does help talking to people & of course talking about all the good memories I had with my brother!!