MY NAME IS CINDY POWELL, I LIVE IN WACO, TX. I FOUND THIS SITE WHILE LOOKING THROUGH THE OBITUARIES IN OUR LOCAL NEWSPAPER. I STARTED READING EVERYONES POSTINGS AND DECIEDED THAT I WANTED TO BE A PART OF A GROUP OF PEOPLE THAT WAS GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING. I LOST MY HUSBAND ON FEB THE 26TH OF 2010 TO LUNG CANCER THAT HAD METASIZED TO THE BRAIN. HE ONLY LASTED 3 MONTHS AFTER BEING DIAGNOISED. I MISS HIM SO VERY MUCH AND FEEL VERY LOST AND VERY LONELY. I PRAY FOR EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU THAT ARE ON THIS SITE. IT IS SO VERY DIFFICULT GOING THROUGH THIS.
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Hi Cindy - I apologize for not being in touch more; I've been on Facebook more than Legacy lately.
How are you doing? I'm hanging in there, having just passed 8 months since Steve died and our wedding anniversary last week. So, the past couple of weeks haven't been such a treat, to say the least.
Have you spoken with Ellen Brant lately? She went back to the hospital this week for another surgery. That woman just can't catch a break; these past months have been so difficult for her.
I hope you're doing well enough - that seems to be about all we can expect these days. Take good care - and hugs,
Hi Cindy, Glad to hear from you again. I made it through Valentines day ok, but February 20th was our 41st wedding anniversary. I told my sons I just could not stay home without their Daddy there. So I left February 15th and flew to Florida to visit my Aunt. I just got home yesterday. I think being away and resting along with the new medicine the doctor has me on did wonders for me. I was so deep in depression I did not want to get out of bed, did not want to get dressed, I did not want to live without Neal. In Florida with my Aunt we talked all day and most of the nites. It was good to have someone to talk to, as at home I am by myself all day long. I also rested alot. Also for the first time since April when Neal was diagnosed, I slept all night. It was so good to get a nights sleep. But Sunday before I came home I started having panic attacks thinking about comming home and Neal being gone. So, yesterday when I got home reality hit me in the face when I got home, Neal is not here. I cried off and on all last night and today.
I too set goals for myself and never follow through. One day maybe I will follow through, but for now I just don't seem to.
Cindy, you and I have in common the fact that we had no time to comprehend what was happening and then we lost our husbands. Although I don't think it would have made any difference if we would have had years to adjust. We will just have to lean on each other and the other people on this site. Hugs, Linda
I know tomorrow will be hard for you, a sad anniversary. Please know I'll be thinking about you and hoping you find something comforting to do with the day. It's a milestone for you, even if you're still hurting a lot. It takes a while, so be patient with yourself.
I also sent you a personal message with Ellen's new phone number, but didn't want to post it publicly. Hope you got it.
Take care - hugs,
Hi Cindy - Just wanted to stop by and see how you're doing during this difficult month. I'm holding on, but this week has been hard. At least it's gotten a little warmer and the 20 inches of snow we had has melted to just a few piles here and there. One good thing, and it has made me feel a little better. But just a little. I've been feeling very angry the past two or three days; I posted about it on my blog and I journaled for myself, too. I'm trying to process it so it doesn't eat me up. I had dinner last night with a cousin who lost her husband 19 years ago; she was 58 years old at the time. She's done rather well, has built a new life for herself, has a new circle of friends, and seems happy. I told her about feeling angry, and she told me it was still pretty early for me. She reports not starting to feel more "like herself" until well into the second year after her husband died. In a way, that helps me not expect too much too soon. But it's hard to hang on and be patient, isn't it? It hurts so much, how can we not want it to end more quickly?
Hang in there and take care of yourself. Hugs.
Hello Cindy, morning time for me. I have been doing a lot of "work" around this grief, reading from all places, including hospice, going to counselling, etc. and I work in a hospital too. There is no right or wrong to grieve Cindy, no timeframes, no nothing. Each person needs to do this on their own timeframe, and, someone does not "get over loss" , you take the love of the person, tuck it into your heart, protect it and honor it, and live your life the best you can until you see them again. Do only what you need Cindy, and don't worry about other people. Surround yourself with people who understand and can support you. The first year is the most intense grieving period, and even the 2nd year, who knows...no one can predict.
Only you need to find comfort in your love.
You will cry Cindy, don't try to cry, it is a natural reflex, and it will come when you least expect it. It doesn't mean you aren't feeling.
Well I must go and get ready for work, but thinking of you. Try and do something nice for yourself:)
Hi Cindy - I made it through Valentine's Day, but it was harder than I anticipated. Steve and I decided to get married on Valentine's Day, and remembering that made it very painful. It came after a decent weekend. The roller-coaster effect, I guess: A good day or two followed by a crash. I certainly have days when I feel I'll never be happy again, but I find if I try, I do get some pleasure out of life, although it's tinged with sadness. I don't expect to ever entirely stop missing Steve, nor do I expect to meet someone else like him - smart, kind, generous, interesting, funny. There aren't many out there like that, and it hurts to think I'll be alone for the rest of my life. I still believe the pain will ease in time; I have to believe that or I'd never be able to go on.
I am so sorry you are finding nothing in life to enjoy. Have you told your grief counselor - I seem to recall that you're getting help, right? I wish I had some magic piece of advice that would help. I do think "going through the motions" is a good idea; we have to push ourselves and simply hope that, one day, it feels a little better. I went to my art class again tonight, and again didn't really feel like it when I left the house. But now I feel my mood lift just a little - not a lot; just a bit, but I'll take it. Small things help. My cat often comes to bed and keeps me company while I read myself to sleep, and I like that. I still enjoy a good meal with a glass of wine. I still enjoy good music (which Steve taught me a lot about), good books, and watching old favorite movies on DVD. Being able to focus on work, although not thrilling, at least calms me, makes me realized I can still function. Right now, maybe that's all I can expect.
The weather is better up here, too. They're predicting 60 degrees on Thursday. You should try to get out and enjoy the better weather. Maybe it will lift you a little bit. Take care of yourself.
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