Jenn, thank you for sharing your story with me. I am getting more used to the idea that he is gone, but not really. My mom will be coming to town in a couple of weeks, I think that will hit me all over again - knowing that he is not with her. I am 40 years old and have lost alot of people over the last 35 years of my life and NOTHING has hurt as badly as this loss! I am in Minnesota...where are you?
Hi Carey, we are in the same boat. My Dad passed away Sept 12th , I cannot beleive we just buried him last week. I can't get the grave site out of my mind. I feel like you , sick to my stomach thinking of how much I already miss him. I am 44 and I beleive you are about the same age. I also had friends who lost a parent previously and I now regret I was not more sympathetic to them. I am back at work and angry that there is no sympathy for me. I am not walking around crying at work, I am just very quiet. I've been back for 4 days and a co-worker said "enough already of walking around sad". I almost lost it but just walked away. I almost wanted to say "wait till your Dad dies" but thought that is so cold and honestly I don't wish it upon anybody. It hurts so much. My stomach muscles hurt from the gut wrenching cries I've had in the past 2 weeks. Tonight is 2 weeks that he died and I feel almost lose my breath just thinking about it. This is my first loss so close to me. I'm glad to have found this forum because right now I feel its only this place that understands me and even though I dont know any of you , where you live or anything it is just nice knowing others feel as we do and are going through the same. I hope this comforts me and I hope this website will comfort you too.
Take care and let me know how your doing.
Hi Carey, Thanks for commenting on what I wrote. Even though Poppy has been gone since February it seems like just yesterday. This time last year he hadn't even got sick. I, too wake up in the middle of the night crying out of control. So I know what you are feeling. I had taken some time off from my job last year to become his caregiver, and just when I thought he was going to adjust to being in the Nursing Home, he went home to be with the Lord. That was on Feb.18th and I returned to work a month later. I am a Preschool/Toddler teacher and the Day Care where I work is full of bubbling, active children. So I thought it would be good theraphy for me to go back. Lo, and behold it was really too early and if, it had not been for my supportive co-workers I would have had a nervous breakdown. Some days are still kinda rough. So, in your thinking about going back to work, sort it out in your spirit first before venturing out in public to return to the workforce. And don't feel ashamed of crying when you feel the need. Sometimes while on my way to work on the bus when a ambulance goes by, I try my best to keep myself together, because I rode in the ambulance atleast five times with my Dad before He passed. Other things and places still burn deep in my spirit when I pass them too. But as the days go by I am becoming stronger and stronger. Dad's passing threw me off balance, but I am striving to return, because I, also know he's not in anymore pain. Hope I have been a comfort. You are in my prayers.