Hey, Carl. Wow! 30 years together! Congratulations! I, too, had along love in my life--35 years to be exact. It doesn't matter than she left this world one hour ago or 4 years ago (as is the case), because the loss of her presence is always there. All you can do is breathe through the pain and remember to smile as your mate would want you to. I'm sure he doesn't want you to be sad and would come cheer you up if he could. REmember those special times you had together and cherish them as nothing else in this world you have cherished.