Hi Karen, I lost my Dad on Oct. 3rd and we are having a celebration of his life in June. We are having an opening 'ceremony' where we are all taking 5 minutes or less to say what we want to say regarding Dad. The order will be us kids first, all other relatives and any friends that want to speak. Then dinner and drinks, music that he liked and songs that remind us of him.
I hope that helps a little!
i havent been on in a while but i just got ur message it was really sweet i would love to talk sometime because i just cant get over this huge loss. it seems time doesnt heal it just make the wound bigger.
I know what you mean, I was thinking about how Dad used to always tell the nurses about me when I'd come to visit. (I live 6 hrs from him) He would say to the nurse "this is my Jeannette" and then he would say where I'm from and how far I drove , what I do and so on. Any time a nurse would come in the room he would want to tell them about me. He was always so excited and had a sparkle in his eyes. I knew how he was proud of me and I'll miss that for sure. I surprised my parents last Christmas and I surprised him last June for his b.day. Those times are unforgettable. I am so glad I took the time to do that but the last month I was not there at all and that kills me. I feel like I deserted him. My life got way too busy with school starting for my kids and trying to catch up at the office after spending 2 weeks with him. Your son is kind to offer to greet you in a way he thinks will help you.
My Dad is my first loss. I never knew how incredibly painful it is. I now look back at some of my friends who lost their parents and I wish I had been a better friend to them. I now know how bad it hurts.
My Mom passed away 20 years ago. I was very close to her when she was alive and got to know my Dad as a person after my Mom passed away. She never got to meet my kids but both my son and daughter have her name as their middle name. My son is Eric Sheldon Cooper and my daughter is Sarah Ruth Higgins. My Mom's maiden name was Ruth Sheldon.
I know what you mean. The waves of sadness come at you unexpectedly and it hurts so much.
My Dad used to pick up the phone when I called or he called and he would say all excitedly 'It's Cathy!' whenever I called him or when he called me. No one is ever that excited when I call. My son says he will start saying that to me in an excited tone if I think it will help, but those were special moments between me and my Dad...
Hi Cathy, Have you read the book "Final gifts".
I bought it and I think it would be a good read for you.
I am also reading "Chicken soup for the grieving soul"
and am mailing a copy to my Mom. If your into reading then you should check them out ... their likely at your library too if you don't want to buy them.
I strongly believe in the garden there too. My Dad was an avid gardener and loved flowers and I like to think he is there helping keep it beautiful. I feel like the little girl you mention; falling with no one to catch her. I find weekdays I'm so busy at work but then driving home as soon as I look at the sky my eyes tear up until I'm all the way home. It is my time to try to beleive this nightmare happened. It seems that just when I think I believe it and I'm ok knowing he is okay then I don't beleive it happened at all again. I think the shock is starting to wear off and now terrible sadness and aloneness is setting in.
I'm so glad I have my Mom, I am leaning on her more than ever. How is your Mom? Are you close to her?
I know, I feel like a little girl free falling with no structure in my life anymore. I always thouhgt I was stronger than this. I am being help out with Mood Positive by Natrol. It has 5 HTP in it which is just amino acids, B vitamins and all natural seratoin boosters. Any help short of illegal drugs is wlcome right now. Really, although we were near my Dad phsically, he was alone. In his journey and the limited pain he must have had. Don't beat yourself up over it. An older friend of mine said I like to think of heaven as a garden where I will meet up with all the people who have made my world special. I REALLY hope so!
Hi Cathy, I hope you get this message. I was watching for you but didn't see a reply. I think this web-site is a little off with messages going who knows where.....I hope you get this message. I"m so sorry to hear your Dad passed away. My Dad was just 3 weeks before yours so I know how deeply it hurts. I'm glad you and your family were right there with him. You must find comfort in that. My Dad passed away 2 min. before my Mom made it to him. He had nobody with him. That part of his death tortures me. What kind of natural remedy are you taking? I also feel like I'm talking about somebody else dying. When I say "when Opa died" to my kids I find myself saying something that cannot be true.
Thank you for recommending the book..I will get it and read it..I know how you feel..I'm so lost without Mom..I called her several times a day to check on her and Dad(he has alzheimers)and now living with my sister..It's so hard to see him without Mom there..Here comes Thanksgiving and Christmas!! Christmas was her favorite holiday!! I don't think I can do it this year..I'm barely going thru the motions right now as it is..I did get counseling but something was missing..
Isn't is so sad that we are not alone....so many people. I actually got close to my Mom the last 5 years after my step father died from cancer. That was horrible and she never wanted to go that way. She was (seemd at least) very healthy and extremely able until the day she died. It was a major shock. Thanks for the book title.....I feel good sometimes though, which also makes me feel guilty. I'm very spiritual and so believe where she is, and sometimes that brings my comfort. My Boys, 3 and 5 bring me a lot of joy but when I hurt, it's deep. I was thinking today...wow.....this is so awful and the most horrible thought came to mind....this is going to happen again....how horrible for me to be dwelling on losing more people like my Dad, my husband aunts and uncles....I feel so scared to go through this again....I know what you mean about those times that were with your Dad. I would pick up my kids from preschool and go to my Moms and play, when I mean everyday I was with her, I mean everyday. Even the days when she kind of drove me crazy ......I can't believe that people can endure this and move on and feel better and enjoy things, cause right now I'm just blindly going through the motions missing her every second and at least wishing I would call her. I have decided though that this is a gift from her to me. When she was with my children, she played with them. On the ground on her knees match box cars and all....she played with them. When I am with my kids, I'm working. I work from home so there is always work to be done. I have decided that I need to follow her lead and PLAY with my kids....it's as though she's telling me it's your turn now and they are getting older....at least I have to think that something good MUST come out of this.......not to mention we are all very aware of our need to visit a cardiologist seeing that it seems to be a trend on out family to pass at 58-61 from a massive heart attack from heart disease!
Are you feeling any better Cathy? What have you decided to try and do during those times you were with him?