Hello Cathy, Please let me introduce my self, my name is Ronda and I just got done reading your post to Jo Ann Brozowski on Nov 21st. I just want to say how Deeply sorry I am to hear about your son Phil... Please don't say you were a lousy mother because you said you were all wrapped up in your husband's death... You were grieving the loss of your husband and when your grieving its so terribly hard to focus on other things & people even if they are you children , Its very hard. I bet you were the Best mom and Phil knows that. I too have lost a son his name is Sean he passed away June 14th 2010 the worst day of my life!!!! I feel like a part of me died too that same HORRIBLE day!!! he was 25 & he just had a B- D Nov 15th he would have been 26, I have a daughter too she is 21 and she still lives with us I try my hardest to be strong when she is around but its so difficult!!!! Cathy please if you ever want to talk I'm here anytime, We all need each other, k? God Bless You. Ronda

Hi Cathy - PART 2 - I ran out of room on the last post! Read that one first. Anyway, right at that time his girlfriend of three years broke up with him, probably because of the drinking. That only fueled the fire. The month of July the drinking increased. I was concerned but again my husband failed to take the situation seriously. I got Tyler a job at my company, full time, decent salary, benefits - but it was only as a receptionist. I tried to tell him that it was just for the time being, but he wasn't happy. He got back with his girlfriend for several months and than his drinking continued and trouble started with her again, and I noticed he would go out and drink at lunchtime. He promised her he would quit and did for the new year. But clearly he was addicted and needed to get high. His friends were never into drugs, so as a quick and available fix he tried huffing computer air duster. Someone showed him the A&E Intervention which featured this. (He wouldn't tell me who, I suspect it was the guy whose house he would hang out at.) We immediatly got him into rehab, but he wouldn't go inpatient, just outpatient. This continued for 3 weeks until I found him dead on the bathroom floor in work. I know how you feel, how could I have been so naive & blind. I should have gotten him help so much sooner. I should have worked on his depression more. I should have slapped my husband & made him realize how serious both the alcohol & depression was. He saw that after Tyler passed. Too late, too sad, too tragic. How can I not blame myself, my husband? He had loving parents, great friends, a wonderful girlfriend, why wasn't it enough? I cry that every day. What should I have done? What did I do wrong? Yes it was his choice on that day, but I was responsible for guiding him through life until that point. Clearly I failed somewhere & now I pay the price every minute of every day. Love to you, prayers for Phil. JoAnn

Hi Cathy - Wow, I got chills reading Phil's story - it is so similar to Tylers. He first suffered a bout of depression in his early teens, but was very against counseling and medication. He seemed to work through it on his own. After sophmore year in college, he brook up with a girlfriend who then started stalking him. He didn't share much with us. I finally found out all she had been putting him through on a day in late August when he swallowed a bunch of pills. He pulled through, but they committed him to the psych ward until they could get him on a medication regimen. He hated it more than anything. He was scheduled to go back to college during that time, and was going to move into a house with some college friends. I begged him to stay home for a semester and get himself pulled together, but he wanted to go. My husband never really understood depression (I have suffered from it so I understand) and thought the best thing would be for him to go. He turned 21 that September and was slightly older than the others, so he would go to a bar several nights a week for beer and free appetizers. Stopped his meds, spiraled down again and had to cut the semester short. Did the usual college drinking with friends, probably more in excess than the rest of them. Finished college and came home to stay in January 2009. The economy being what it is, he couldn't find a job. We did not know at the time, but he began drinking during the day while we were out and started going to a guy's house that we didn't know as well as his other friends. I believe now it was because they would drink together. Many nights he would not come home, and I thought he was being responsible by not driving! He found a job and was anxious to start, but it was an awful job (selling windows and siding for Sears, all commission, driving hundreds of miles each day) and became disillusioned. I told him to quit - he would find something else.

Hi Cathy - I have thanksgiving, christmas and Tyler's date of death (01/26) - three months in a row. Sometimes I wish I could go into a coma and awaken in February. I believe I had read that you lost your son due to alchohol abuse. I posted to your page on 11/12 about my son's problems with alcohol. Care to share?
JoAnn

Hi Cathy - I lost my 24 year old son, Tyler, my only child in January of this year. He had problems with alcohol, and had stopped drinking for the New Year. But he needed something to get high so he turned to inhalants. Three weeks later he was dead. We are all in this together. Keep in touch.

Cathy my heart aches with you for the loss of your precious son too. I don't know if you have a chance to go check out the website and story about Chase...I think you may find some comfort in the story and journals. Thank you for writing with me. Cherish all the good memories with your son, as we will see them one day in heaven. May God's strength and comfort help you get through each and every day. My heart aches with you today...I am sending you a big hug from you son!!! Love, Annette Walters

cathy sorry it took so long for me to respond do not know how i miss your comments but thank you for your kind words. Losing a child is the worst pain ever and I understand God only allows satan to take the child of the individual he know willl survive. i am so sorry and i know time passes, but the pain remains the same we all have that in common. i think of my baby everyday. It is hard for me to put into perspective because we talked everyday and yes i am here for you if you need me just email me i will respond quickly. God bless

Cathy, I know it is easier for us to blame ourselves and hold on to that guilt.... I do, But I have to realize that my Son made his own choices, he was a very strong willed person, that is what i love about him, but he made one really tragic decision the night he passed. I hope that you can get past the guilt, It isnt your fault no matter what happened, PLEASE take it one day at a time, It is a long long road, we are here to hold your hand and listen and help in any way we can.... {{{{{{HUGS TO YOU CATHY}}}}}

thank you cathy, what happened with your son if i may ask?