My name is Elizabeth. I just wanted to say hello and that I am so sorry about your father. Losing a parent unexpectedly is horrible. I lost my father in an accident in April. I wanted to let you know joining this site is a great way to have people to relate to and also who are willing to listen. It might help to have a person where you live to help you also, as in a counselor. Friends who have not experienced the same type of loss generally wont understand what you need. Dont be upset with them they simply cant relate and dont know what to say. Allow yourself to feel what you need to. You can not blame yourself for his death. It is not your fault. Feel free to message me if you need to.