"Reading all the posts on here...There is so much heartbreak but so much love. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories and thoughts. One of the hardest parts of losing Marc has been feeling so alone. Now I feel a bit less alone as this is a place…"
"Todd, I'm glad you have supportive co-workers, and yes, this group is a wonderful place for support.
I am so sorry about the loss of your wife. My husband passed away seven months ago. I'm glad you were able to find the book.
"A book that I recommend is "Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations for Working through Grief" by Martha Whitmore Hickman. It has a short page to read every day. I find it helpful to read in the morning."
"Todd, be kind to yourself. Your loss of your dear wife is very fresh.
Can you take a break from work? Talk with a friend, go for a walk...? Tears are a normal part of grief. Let them flow, they will stop eventually, then take a deep breath and go on."
"Thank you Cherie for being a friend - I'm still learning the workings of this site, having little experience with computers and none before losing Larry involving online communication except for ebay and amazon as a shopper. Reading a few of…"
"Oh Chuck, and other friends, It's easy to say that one shouldn't feel guilty, but I think we probably all have things we did or didn't do that haunt us once our spouse is gone. It helps me to tell myself, I did the best that I could…"
"Thanks for adding me as a friend, Anita.
Actually my husband was much older than me and he was 84 when he died last year. I was 49, now 50. A big age difference, yes...Marc had a young spirit. He was so talented as a musician and artist. He loved to…"
I hope today was not too difficult for you. I too have one son, although he is 30. He does live with me, he is working on a Master's Degree, and has a part time job, so as long as we get along, I don't mind having…"
"Anita, I know what you mean about grieving since your husband was diagnosed. I also grieved before my husband died. Seeing him lose his ability to do things like drive, dress himself, shower without help was difficult for both of us.
"Sara and Chuck, thank you for the welcome. Chuck you are a wonderful writer. I can see you with the beautiful butterfly.
It's difficult to get rid of a loved one's things. Since I moved to a smaller house, I didn't have room for…"
"Where in California and Oregon did you live?
We were in the Bay Area in Calif, and as it was too expensive to stay there after Marc's death, my son and I are now in Salem, OR. I like it here, but it takes time to get used to a new…"
Thank you Cherie for being a friend - I'm still learning the workings of this site, having little experience with computers and none before losing Larry involving online communication except for ebay and amazon as a shopper. Reading a few of the comments here on your page I am struck by something you said about Marc - how he was young at heart, had many friends, and was so artistic and creative. Such people defy the commonly accepted concepts of age - Larry was 17 years my senior, and when we met I was 29. He was so concerned about the age difference, that as we got older I would regret being "stuck with an old man" as he put it. I would squint at him, tilt my head to one side and say "Just who the hell do you think I am?! I LOVE you , you silly man - don't you know that for me that means forever - so let's put a period to that once and for all, OK?"
Cherie, your words paint a picture of a wonderful loving family and I am just so incredibly sorry that you and your son have had to go through this painful loss, and Marc's other children and many friends also. I remind myself many times that I'm not the only one who lost Larry - his 5 children, ex-wife, sister, and many friends also grieve for him, all having an empty place in their lives and their hearts that only he could fill. The one closest to understanding where I am now is his ex-wife - Betty Ann and I have had a cordial, even friendly relationship right from the start. We both were well aware what an akward situation we were all in, and with his children still young enough to be confused by it all but old enough to express anger and hostility toward their father and me, it was quite the minefield we tiptoed through for many years. Now I am close with a few of them, cordial with almost all the others, and have an uncomfortably strained relationship with a few. It is far too draining to allow myself to be drawn into the drama those few seem determined to create, so I keep my distance when possible.
Enough about me for now - I do have two distant cousins living in Oregon, and at our last meeting both enccouraged Larry and I to come out for a visit - Richard was very intuitive, and looked at me and said once I saw it, I would end up living there just as he had. I wish we had made the trip, but we never got very far from home once Larry changed jobs - another story for another time. Thank you again - you and everyone here have made the last few challenging days much easier for me, and I hope I can do the same for you my friend.
I hope today was not too difficult for you. I too have one son, although he is 30. He does live with me, he is working on a Master's Degree, and has a part time job, so as long as we get along, I don't mind having him here. I thought it seemed like he was too young to have lost his father, and especially as it was not quick or neat, but terrible, and he saw a lot of difficult things that year. I hope your son is a comfort to you, I am really very grateful that he has been here for me. Our little family always seemed just right...to lose a husband and father has been devastating. We also lost our little dog last October. He was 14 1/2, so very much part of our family. Sometimes you can't believe that you're still standing after all life throws at you.
Yes, my Dad was diagnosed very late in his illness. Not until the last year. However, I know now that he had the Parkinson's with LBD for several years. He was not very good at telling the doctor's everything that was happening, and until my mother started going into his appts. with him, the doctor's really had no idea how bad things were. He did stay home until a few months before the end. He had violent tendencies, and was extremely paranoid. Not anything like the man he was before he became ill. LBD is so tragic, and your husband was so young! Unfortunately life is never the same after someone starts into that type of illness. My Dad also had some other issues, and while he did have Parkinson's, of course the dementia was really the worst thing. He too after a while really wouldn't/couldn't eat, and was just almost a shadow of himself the last year. It was so hard to watch him near the end, and to know he would be better off to not linger on for a longer time than he had already. Sadly, it was the same for my husband. The cancer took away everything, his brain was deeply affected by the chemo, and his body became sensitive to the slightest changes in temperature, and even touching him was something I had to stop, as his skin was so sensitive. It was very painful to not be able to touch his arm, or kiss his cheek. But I didn't want to cause him more pain than he already was experiencing. In the end, all I could do to help him was to let him go.
I have thought a lot about moving back to Oregon...I've even been looking at houses in the town we lived in...Corvallis. I don't know if you are familiar with it's location, but Oregon State Univ. is there, so you may have heard of it. I actually grew up in "Silicon Valley" (it wasn't called that all the time I lived there). My husband and I both worked for Lockheed for many years, but the overcrowding, the housing costs, etc. became too much for all of us, and we both thought we would love the Pacific NW area. In fact we did. However, at the time my husband passed courses to sell insurance, and it was definitely not a good place for that. Things were economically pretty bad there during our time, and the money just wasn't coming in. No jobs there for me either. We called old friends at Lockheed, and he was offered a position at Lockheed-Martin in the Denver area. I will say that living here has been generally very enjoyable, but I have always wanted to be back near where I can go see the Ocean. It's the single thing I've missed about not living on the West Coast. I have no desire to return to California, but have taken vacations with my husband to Seattle, and the last true vacation we had was in Victoria, B.C. I just love all the green back there. I think the people are generally very friendly, and possibly somewhat less stressed than both Californian's or Coloradan's. However, I hesitate to move there as my son is going to scho