Cheryl, I am so happy I found where my notes were missed my me.  I must admit that after counseling and an antidepressant, 15 months later, I feel stronger, my faith life is stronger, and I even stopped being angry at the entire world.

I know your husband is frustrated with not being able to help you, but honestly Cheryl, I was the only one who could help me.  I know it is hard to be the only caregiver for your mom, and trying to be a mom yourself plus a wife, you must be emotionally and physically drained.  Please journal your feelings on this journey, write a letter to your dad, and try to cleanse your life of this stressor.  I am not suggesting to stop the grieving process, but I think you need some alone time and try to write it down for you, it may open up ways to help yourself and others.  You are such a sweet soul, love yourself, pray hard, and try the best way to get the joy back in your life.  Promise me you will stop allowing anyone or even yourself to call you cukcoo, you are just normal, and doing the best you can to deal with your grief!  Love Belinda

Hi Cheryl, How is it going? Summer here in KY has been very hot. I feel that I am making some progress in my grieving journey. Legacy, two counselors, and setting limits with my husband....Carl is a good man, but I was shocked after 31 years, he would be my biggest obstacle in understanding the pain I was experiencing. I am no way, "WELL", but I do seem to have better days! Take care and keep in touch! Love Belinda

Cheryl,
I guess throughout this entire process, the biggest thing I have to remind myself to do, is to forgive the unforgivable things other humans do, whether family or friends....I do not want to waste my energy on them. I am a lot older then you, and I find it so much easier to give comfort then allow others to know I need it! Your brother has his own issues, but he sounds very cold hearted to me. It is not my place to judge, but somedays it seems everyone is a leech.
Just take it one day at a time, and when it gets to hard go for one hour at a time, journal to your dad, put it in words, read it, and perhaps the grief will ease. Love those babies and husband of yours, they sound like great troopers to me. Support from your family is a result of the love you learned from your parents. You are blessed, and I know you do not see it today, but most people would trade their right arm for the support your family has given.
I know the finances are so stressful, there are social workers that can help you sort out the stressors you are dealing with. Honesty with a banker, a loan official, mortgage broker, etc...is the best way you can keep your credit. This world is in such financial strains right now, and you would think grief of a parent is enough of a problem...but I know that I know, life goes on whether we need a time out for ourselves. Try to delegate to people you trust, to maybe relieve or assist you with some of these burdens. I know your dad is with you, rooting for you, and wants you to be a better person....then the other's who never really knew how much it would hurt when your dad left this world. He was a wise man, and gave you unconditional love...don't let anyone take that away! I know we both are going to be better or at least more accepting of our loss, but for now it sure does HURT!
Take care my friend, and stay in touch! Love Belinda

How have you been? I look over my comments and friends on legacy, and I do believe you were my first responder. I hope you are being good to yourself, and you pain is getting better! I know memories and grief are so hard, but I am so much in hope for you that you are sharing that beautiful smile of yours, and only allowing positive life experiences to be in your daily life, so you will continue to move on with the stength and courage your father blessed you with! Fondly, Belinda

Thank you so much. I am so sorry for the things you and your mom are going through right now..I will be inmuch prayer for you situation..My Daddy was my superman, thought he could do anything..so lost without him..seems we all have a common bond..the media would have you believe that families who are close are non existant but we are out there and we grew up to not only love our parents but to like them. My Dad was one of my best friends in the world..

Cheryl, thank you so much for your kind words. I really am so new, I do not know how to add friends, etc. I clicked your name and the wedding picture was a very special day, to share with your folks, and then the picture with the monkey is another neat adventure. When you find the sadness approaching, think of the love I can see with your photos. I know someday we will accept the reality, but remember they are always in our hearts! Belinda