Cheryl
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At 11:04pm on January 8, 2011, JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808 said…

Hi Cheryl, I am sorry. I am so behind as usual on my replies and emails. I just wanted to say I was thinking of you and yours through the holidays. I hope all went well. We got through. Feb will be hard for me because my birthday is on the 11th, my moms the 12th, my neices the 13th, Valentines day, 14th and my Amy's best friend's the 15th. I think it will be a little better, but stil hard to have to deal with.

Well, its late. I have a few more things to get done and try to go to bed earlier than I have been doing. I lay awake each night just thinking of her and wondering what the future would have been and realizing only we have that now.

take care

joyce

I still have your email too.

At 11:04pm on January 8, 2011, JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808 said…

Hi Cheryl, I am sorry. I am so behind as usual on my replies and emails. I just wanted to say I was thinking of you and yours through the holidays. I hope all went well. We got through. Feb will be hard for me because my birthday is on the 11th, my moms the 12th, my neices the 13th, Valentines day, 14th and my Amy's best friend's the 15th. I think it will be a little better, but stil hard to have to deal with.

Well, its late. I have a few more things to get done and try to go to bed earlier than I have been doing. I lay awake each night just thinking of her and wondering what the future would have been and realizing only we have that now.

take care

joyce

I still have your email too.

At 2:03am on December 14, 2010, JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808 said…

Hi Cheryl,

I am sorry, I was supposed to get back with you in email or here. I had pc problems and redid the whole thing. I just want to let you know  we will be thinking of you and all the others on this site now and up til Christmas. I am having a hard time just building up to it. I forced myself to put up a small tree in case my 3 yrold grandchild comes over. And its the birthday of Christ, not just Santa Claus and all the hype.  and also, I figure, each day is just as hard as any. I am just tired of all the "you gotta be happy at this time for her sake" stuff. She is fine, I am not. I know I will get thru one way or the other again this year. Jut gonna do it in my own way.

again, hugs to you and all here

At 9:56pm on November 21, 2010, JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808 said…
part three, sorry. cheryl.
She too was compassionate, funny and always there when needed.very independant. She hunted with her dad and I went with them for support. I dont hunt. She loved fishing. She was our tomboy. She thought she was invincible I guess. She was one of those girls that lit up a room when she walked into it. She graduted high and then went to college for dental hygiene. She grad with high grades, finally got a job at $20 an hr and was going to go full time and get health insurance, life insurane, her own car, her own apt, pay off her student loans, etc. And then because of one night of fun, and alcohol, it ended.

I go through this, "she won't have kids, get married, and all that. I too need to be thankful for the 21 yrs we had. I am still mad at her somehow for her part in how she passed. Through a friend who went to a medium, she came thru and said, "no one pushed her and that she was clumsy" Others told us of seeing her for a moment, with a look on her face, of, "what the hell" or one person said she said, "can you believe this sh*t? I wish she would come to me. I do have dreams but not the kind I want. So I too will wait til we meet again.
I see we both went thru just about the same thing with hospitals and all. We share a hell as you say I am sure others have had also. Yes, I too am sorry we had to meet under these conditions, but glad we did.


How old is his child? He must be the apple of our eye now. And that is hard to deal with too. We get our grandchild now and then and when she leaves I cry. she looks like our daughter did. Blonde blue eyed and just as smart.
keep in touch. you will be in our thoughts this week to come!!!
ps: where are you from? I live in northeast PA. My nephew dated a girl from PA, but she passed from gunshots to her adomen a few yrs ago. Drug story, gone bad. Also, my older son's birthday is 11/10/75.
At 9:53pm on November 21, 2010, JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808 said…
part two Cheryle,

Amy was the best thing to happen to me and my second husband. I have two older boys, John and Mike. John has a girl, Cecelia, who will be 3 in jan. Mike is going thru a divorce and is on medical disability from the Air Force. He was gone for 15 yrs. So we were so glad to have him home. But it came after his half sister, our Amy passed.
She was my life since the boys had grown. I never went back to work. She was my husbands only child. We have our days too now. I am so bitter at times and I cry a lot. He gets to go to work and not have to be home like I am, and I told him I dont mean much by saying that, cause he is greiving in his own way. He lost his dad 18 yrs ago, and has a stepmom, she is the best mominlaw ever, lol. But Amy was their only gchild. My whole family, very small knows how I feel but cant help me. I am stubborn and I just cant seem to move on the way they all think we should. (repeated that, sorry)
She too was compassionate, funny and always there when needed.very independant. She hunted with her dad and I went with them for support. I dont hunt. She loved fishing. She was our tomboy. She thought she was invincible I guess. She was one of those girls that lit up a room when she walked into it. She graduted high and then went to college for dental hygiene. She grad with high grades, finally got a job at $20 an hr and was going to go full time and get health insurance, life insurane, her own car, her own apt, pay off her student loans, etc. And then because of one night of fun, and alcohol, it ended.

I go through this, "she won't have kids, get married, and all that. I too need to be thankful for the 21 yrs we had. I am still mad at her somehow for her part in how she passed. Through a friend who went to a medium, she came thru and said, "no one pushed her and that she was clumsy" Others told us of seeing her for a moment, with a look on her face, of, "what the hell" or one person said she said, "can you believe this
At 9:53pm on November 21, 2010, JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808 said…
this is part one, limited on words I guess

Hi Cheryl. I think I am at the right place. Thank you too for your sharing with me too.
I am behind on replies and I just clk on the link that comes with my email. and I hope I didnt already reply, cause if I did, I dont remember. I cant keep up with the posts at times and I like to do that. This site has helped me vent and talk or type. It is not easy for us to explain to those not in our shoes what we are going thru. I hear so many times, we should be over it, should be happy, or have happy thoughts, etc. I mostly post on the main page area, and we all say the same thing or are trying to help another person get through the worst thing to happen in our lives as moms/dads.
At 5:48am on November 18, 2010, Kelly ~ Caitlin's mom said…
Cheryl; I am sorry for your loss and the extra heartache these anniversaries bring. I grapply every day with my decision to take my daughter off life support. I feel now like I made the wrong choice. That I should have chosen surgery and seen what that brought. I so want to believe it was the right choice and god was guiding me. I know she is with god now doing his work.
My thoughts and prayers for your strength are with you.
At 8:06pm on November 17, 2010, Tami said…
Cheryl, We are all thinking of you today... I am so sorry. I am saying a prayer for you.
Hugs to you and your Angel.
At 8:06pm on November 17, 2010, Tami said…
Cheryl, We are all thinking of you today... I am so sorry. I am saying a prayer for you.
Hugs to you and your Angel.
At 7:15pm on November 17, 2010, JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808 said…
Cheryl, our hearts our with you today. We too had to go thru ICU, and just when we were about to remove life support, they told us, never mind, she is going. Whether we made the decision or not, I have to believe she was in God's hands. Our daughter had closed head injuries that would not get better and she was declared brain dead. She lasted 5 days and each one of those days, we thought she was going to get better. The drs and nurses somehow had been telling us in different ways, how bad she was, but we didnt get it. She would have been a vegetable they said. She was 21, had just graduated from college and was a dental hygienist. We know she would not have wanted to live that way even if we had the choice.
If you feel up to it, fill us in on your child so we have a name and what ever else you would like to share.
God bless
still loving our "angel Amy-5/15/87/9/18/08
 
 
 

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