Christy
  • Female
  • Covington, GA
  • United States
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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Yesterday I was seeking answers as to my current purpose- I feel so incapable of even caring for myself much less others. When I got off work I went home & randomly opened my bible only to find 1Timothy 4 and 5, which answered my question so perfectly! It spoke about widows, what they should do and how they should live! Then I woke again this morning as always, in a panic and heard a quiet voice telling me that Larry is great, that I and my family are healthy and safe and well cared for and that I have nothing to be panicked over! Praise God! I have so much to be thankful for. It is so easy to be consumed by sorrow, grief and lonliness, but I have to remember that God loves me and He has promised to be a father to the fatherless and care for widows. He will sustain us- our needs will be met. Fear not, lest ye be afraid for I am with you

:-)

Christy's Blog

Three years later- Has anything changed?

Posted on September 30, 2013 at 2:13pm 0 Comments

Three years and one month ago I found myself facing the most painful event of my life alone. Death was unfamiliar to me, and a strong, young man at the height of his career with his personal goals at an all time high was suddenly taken from us as the result of someone else' negligence. For over a year I cried every single morning upon waking. His bathrobe hung on the door where he left it until just a month ago. Most of his things remain tucked in his drawers and on his side of the closet.…

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3+ years

Posted on September 10, 2013 at 9:50am 0 Comments

I'm feeling a bit lost. I came here as I have from time to time over the past three years to find solace with others who have lost a part of themselves too. Losing and feeling lost goes hand & hand now.

I can see that over these past few years I have grown. I have triumphed and failed over big and small  challenges. I am here. I have been enlightened. I've seen God's hand at work in so many areas. It's amazing to witness and yet, mostly I am at a loss for words- completely unable…

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May 17, 2012

Posted on May 17, 2012 at 9:00am 0 Comments

I felt compelled to come here today, not realizing that I had been here as recently as a few weeks ago. I feel much the same way today as I did then. I miss him and my heart aches. I hate not having him here to cheer me on, provide advice, feel the warmth of his touch & smile, .... My house has gone from being full with 6 full time occupants to 2 and it's rough. My stepson has called me on all important days like his father's birthday, Easter, & Mother's Day, which felt so good! He…

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April 23, 2012

Posted on April 23, 2012 at 10:36am 0 Comments

It's been a year and a half since Larry left for work, left this world, left all of us he loved & loved him. It's still beyond painful. I haven't seen my stepson in 6 months as of May 1st. Larry's 40th birthday would have been April 15th. I have been surving many tears much like I did in the beginning, but honestly, there are only rare days when I feel as if I am really progressing. I miss him more than anyone outside this grp would ever imagine. He's gone, as I sd my stepson is now…

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January 3, 2012

Posted on January 3, 2012 at 7:11am 0 Comments

I  have completed 1 full year without the most important person in my life. It has been surreal. I still find it difficult to believe that this is the way it is. Death is not supposed to happen. I feel kind of like a fake- like I'm not really here living a life- I just look like I am to some people who don't know better. I have aged a good bit over the past year. Larry was 8 yrs younger than me & always sd. he was keeping me young, to which I would reply I looked older next to his baby…

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October 2011

Posted on October 17, 2011 at 12:57pm 0 Comments

Over 13 months alone now, but time, like most other things , means little, if anything to me. Each day is very similar to the last, no matter how beautiful the weather, sleepless the nights, aggravating the work, overwhelming the classes, how wonderful the grandbaby...What does it really mean? What value is in it? WHY AM I HERE???? I try to accept God is God & his ways are not for us to question or understand, only to accept and believe that His will is perfect, yet I, in my pitiful human… Continue

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At 9:46pm on December 3, 2012, Marlena said…

Hi Christy,

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back.

How exciting that Larry's foundation is doing so well.  That is awesome that now you have a business partner.  It sounds like you have been "good" busy.  Did you ever imagine yourself giving presentations and doing such amazing things to help out students?  Larry is beaming down on you for sure!!!

Our grandbabies are such a blessing and a reason to keep moving everyday. I know Lily is that for me.  She has been the bright spot through so much.  The wedding was October 7th and it was beautiful!  Everyone is still commenting on what a great wedding it was.  Autumn wanted a vintage feel, hair and make up, and they even had 40's music until after dinner when the dancing began.  As wonderful as it was - I'm glad it's over and life is getting back to "normal" :)  I will add a picture to my page soon. 

It's funny that you say it just feels as if Larry is away.  I always say that too. Being a railroad engineer, Tom was gone a lot.  I have always said this feels like one of his trips, but it's the longest train trip ever.  And no matter how long it's been, I still feel very married.  I can't imagine feeling anything else.

Keep up the good work with the foundation.  I'm so glad you have that to keep you going and it's an amazing way to honor Larry.

It's great to "talk" with you. 

Hugs and Blessings

Marlena

At 9:23pm on May 23, 2012, Marlena said…

Hi Christy,

It's great to hear from you.  Yes, I still check in every now and then.  I especially look to see if you still check in as well as Barb, Mary, Virginia, Randolph, Ellen and a few others.  I have the same mixed feelings you do...if I see that others aren't checking in as often that gives me hope that they are doing well and moving forward with their lives, but at the same time there is a draw to keep connected to all of you who know and understand how life is now. 

That's a bummer that school has to be put off until next year...that's a long time. Maybe there is still a miracle waiting for you around the corner.  As for me, I still haven't started using my degree.  I did have my first interview a couple of weeks ago...it's the only application I have put in so far, but I lost out to someone who has actual hands-on medical billing experience.  It's one of those catch-22s, I can't get experience if I can't get a job, but I can't get a job because I don't have the experience.  That's ok, Nick still has another year of school and I want to be here for him as much as possible.  Our oldest daughter, Autumn, is getting married in October, so if I'm not working I will be available for her for everything she needs.  And, I'm still watching our granddaughter, Lily, while Amanda finishes up her second degree.  Even though I don't do anything I seem awfully busy :)   

I'm so excited for you that Larry's foundations is doing well.  You will help the 2 students...I have no doubt!!!  With lots of faith and love...you've got this covered. 

Have you been able to keep in touch with Nahjay (sp?)?  I hope he is managing well and getting through school (and life) okay.  It's so hard for our boys to be without their dads for the everyday things in life.  There are so many things that only Dad can teach and it makes me so sad to think about all that they are missing out on.  I just keep praying for help with Nick probably more than I pray for anything else.

There is one exciting thing happening right now...Tom's headstone is finally going to be placed tomorrow.  It took me almost 2 years to decide how I wanted it to look and over a year of drama to get it placed.  The company I went with originally did a terrible job with it and wouldnt' fix it without me paying A LOT more money, so I basically fired them and had another company take over my stone and redo it...Now, It's perfect and I can't wait for it to be in place.  I'm covering it up when they place it and having a family/friends unvailing party Friday night so everyone can see it together.  I can't wait!!! I'll add pictures when it's all set. 

I hope only good things keep coming your way and that your whole family is doing well.  I'll keep sending hugs and lots of prayers that Larry's foundation continues to do well and that something good will happen for you for school.

Talk to you soon (( HUGS))!!!

At 10:35am on April 23, 2012, Christy said…

It's been a year and a half since Larry left for work,  left this world, left all of us he loved & loved him. It's still beyond painful. I haven't seen my stepson in 6 months as of May 1st. Larry's 40th birthday would have been April 15th. I have been surving many tears much like I did in the beginning, but honestly, there are only rare days when I feel as if I am really progressing. I miss him more than anyone outside this grp would ever imagine. He's gone, as I sd my stepson is now living with his mother & we barely stay in touch, my daughter & grandbaby have moved out also, leaving me & my 26 yr old son. Naturally he is gone as any healthy, single young man would be, so I am frequently alone. It's very strange after having a constant companion for over 7 yrs. I beg God to take me & spare me another day of existing. I enjoyed my life, but feel as if there is nothing for me here any longer. No, I'm not depressed. I get out, socialize with family, friends & church members... but life isn't what it should be- life should be shared with those we love.

 

At 8:40am on February 26, 2012, Cynthia Clements said…

Glad to hear from you. We still need to get together and have supper or something.  I'm doing OK but thats about it.  Trying to stay busy and keep my mind from dwelling on what happened.  I still miss Gene so much, Feb 29th will be our 2nd real anniversary.  Gene picked out the date.  He was so funny he said " this way I'll only be in trouble every four years."  God I miss him so bad.  I to still cry and think of him all the time, dont cry as much but still cry for him.  I am still alone and I guess I'll stay that way.  I'm not looking for anyone and don't want anyone.  I had the best.  Don't think anyone could fill his shoes.  Don't even want to try to find someone to.  I am sooo glad to hear from you. I was hoping you were doing good.  I went through there this last week, my sister was with me so I didn't get in touch with you .  I want to come when just the two of us can talk and cry together.  She has been my rock, but she doesn't know how I feel and doesn't pretend to.  I hope she never does.  We will have to make plans to meet somewhere sometime.  Prayer and hugs.

At 9:56am on February 12, 2012, Linda G. said…

Christy,  As always, good to hear from you.  I think today will be an OK day for me.  I did not go to church this morning so I think I will start on cleaning my "junk room" as my youngest grandson calls this room.  It is actually the room I used for doing my scrap booking.  But when Neal got sick and then died and the next year, anything that I or anyone else did not know what to do with went in that room.  So it is in real need of cleaning.  It will be good to get that room fixed so I can start my scrap booking again.  That will give me something else to do in the evenings, as they are the hardest for me. 

 

I am happy you enjoy you Literature class.  Are you just taking classes to get out of the house or are you working towards something?  I have thought about taking some kind of class, but it has been so long since I have been in school, I don't know how I would do. 

 

Well I am going to go and start on the junk room.  I hope you have lots of wonderful memories today.  Thank you for being here for me and understanding how I feel, as we are on the same journey of grief.  It just makes it better to talk to someone who knows exactly how I feel.

Hugs to my friend.    Linda 

At 6:31am on February 7, 2012, Linda G. said…

Hey Christy!  It seems like you and I are on the same roller coaster with this grief.  I too have been having a hard time.  I hate to read that you are too.  Some days I wake up and think it will be an OK day, but after being up for a while it's like this dark cloud comes down on me and all I want to do is just sit and do nothing but cry.  It's like you get through one anniversary day and here is another.  Valentine's Day is coming up on the 14th and then on the 20th is mine and Neal's wedding anniversary.  It would have been 42 years.  I can't believe this will be my 2nd wedding anniversay without him. 

I can say that on these bad days I do get up and work in the office and I am still working on getting rid of clutter in my house. So I guess I have made some progress in that I don't just sit, I do get up.  I have not been on this site in a while and I am so glad I got on this morning and saw you message.  It is so good to hear from you.  There are so many new people on this site, it is sad.  I can't remember everyone's personal story, but in the end, the end is all the same.  We are without out spouse. 

I have been doing a lot better on my eating.  I have started trying to cook healthy suppers and I hardly eat any snacks.  I don't do any exercise, but I think just not sitting anymore has helped.  I have lost some weight (don't know how much) but I can tell in how my clothes fit.  Neal would be proud of me.

I started having a lot of trouble with my teeth and went to the dentist.  He says all my teeth are either loose or have cavities.  I have been negligant about going to the dentist and this is the result.  He told me I needed to have them all out and have implants.  I was just devastated, but felt I have no other choice.  Last week I started with the plan.  He only pulled 2 teeth and before he finished I was crying.  Crying because Neal was not in the car waiting for me, crying because I have to go through this by myself and crying because to me this is just another lose I can't get back.  Not that my teeth can compare to loosing Neal, but you know what I mean.

Did not mean to go on and on about my problems, but I feel you understand how I feel.  Not only am I depressed and grieving, but this on top takes the cake.

I have became a Mother and Grandmother again.  I can now enjoy my sons and Grandsons again.  I don't know how I went for almost a year not thinking of them but just thinking of myself. 

Well I need to get dressed and start work.  Again, it was so good to hear from you.  I hope you have an OK day.  I too have so much to be thankful for and one of them is to have a friend like you.   Hugs,   Linda

At 1:56pm on January 4, 2012, Linda G. said…

Christy,  I also have not been on this site in a while but also think of you and the others here.  Since my mind is a little less blurred, I have hit reality.  I know Neal is not coming back and the real sadness has set in.  I also lost weight right after Neal died, but quickly gained it back and more.  In the last 2 to 3 months I have started trying to eat better and I need to try to exercise but have not started any yet.  Idon't make resolutions for the New Year, but I am going to try harder to lose some of this weight.  I feel so sorry for your friend because it is real easy to lose track of your weight when you are grieving (and even when you're not).  I hope that having a good friend like you will help your friend start to renew herself to a healthier self.  When I was putting up my Christmas stuff last week, I got into the mood to clean and have been cleaning every since.  I am cleaning out closets (not Neal's stuff yet) and throwing away stuff and I have even dusted some of the dust that has been here for over a year.  You and I will need to be each others support for trying to better to ourselves.  Again it was so good to hear from you and one day we WILL get together.  Until then, you try to take care of yourself and I will be right behind you rooting for both of us.  Hugs to you and your friend.

At 1:31pm on January 3, 2012, MaggieP said…

Hi Christy,

   Yes, it is good to be back with my church friends.  Many of them I saw for years because I was the manager of a bookstore in town for 24 years.  Some of the people there I had a casual acquaintance as business people downtown.  They have all opened their hearts and made me feel welcome.  The minister there also preaches good mental health.  I like that.  Dave and I did not attend a church regularly. Going back was not full of reminders of our life together.  It in no way excludes him, but most of the people there knew me as myself, not Dave's wife. 

At 9:37am on December 11, 2011, Elyse Plude said…

Hi Christy! I am so glad you got your group going. I know it can really help us to give meaning to our guys. Don't give up though. Even if you only make a difference to one person, it 's worth it. And I know you'll make a difference to Larry. I checked out your website and you made me cry. It's so wonderful to know you honored him in that way. You've really inspired me to get going. Do you have a lot of help? It's such a wonderful idea. I will check out Legal Zoom for myself. Thank you so much! Good luck and keep me posted. I'll do the same here. How are you doing this year for Christmas?

At 8:25pm on November 24, 2011, Marlena said…

Hi Christy,

I haven't checked in here in a long time.  I hope things are going okay for you and that Larry's foundation is growing and thriving. 

Thanksgiving hugs to you...I hope today was manageable.

 

 
 
 

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