Cindy, you are very welcome -I'm glad my words helped. There will be many things sadly that you will face that can be overwhelming. Just be very gentle with yourself and if something like listening to music or anything else feels like too much, then avoid it for now - sparing yourself additional pain is not a sign of weakness. About 6 months after Larry passed a very dear friend came to see me when she heard the news. Seeing that I was alone 90% of the time and not going out, she suggested I go to a movie just to get away from the house for a few hours. I told her the only theater close by was the one Larry and I went to together, and I doubted I would ever set foot in there again. A week later she called and said she wanted to come by and take me out...to the movies. I balked, but she said we would do it one step at a time - get in the car, drive to the theater, get out, buy tickets, enter the lobby, etc. She promised that if it took all day just to get out of the car, that was alright, and at any point if I said "Enough" we would just come home. We did all these things, and I did find myself quite shaky and tears flowed a few times, but we managed to get to the lobby before I stopped dead in my tracks and couldn't move - the familiar view of the carpet, concession stand, and hall leading to the theaters was such a jolt to my memory of our trips there together that I held my breath and closed my eyes. I don't know, nor do I care, what I looked like to other patrons, but my friend put her arm around my shoulder and held me until I stopped trembling then whispered "Do you want to go?" I looked her in the eye and saw such love and understanding there that I decided I had gone this far, we should go sit down and watch the film. That day marked a tremendous milestone in my beginning to believe that maybe - just maybe mind you - I could someday resume a somewhat normal life.
I'm still a work in progress to be sure, but with each challenge met I grew less fearful and more confident in my own ability to heal. These steps will come your way, as there is no avoiding them, but have faith that when you need them most angels will appear by your side to hold you up and walk you through the roughest of times.
Wishing you a peaceful day and that you get all the support and help you may need in the days ahead.
I am so sorry for the terrible loss that has led you to this group, but I welcome you and want you to know that the compassionate and caring people here all truly understand what you are going through. Your loss is very recent and you are in the early steps of finding your way along this new path before you. While it is sadly true that you now walk this path without your beloved partner beside you, please believe that you do not walk it alone. We all walk this path, and will help however we can by listening and sharing our stories and experiences with you.
Indeed for awhile it will seem things can be getting harder and harder to deal with as you face a multitude of challenges bound to bring back memories, and which may trigger moments of unbelievable despair and loneliness. I went through many of those experiences after losing my husband of 32 years just over two years ago to cancer. Things like walking into a familiar store or hearing a piece of music would paralyze me and sometimes bring me to my knees in tears, but somehow I got through them with the help and support of the friends I found here - I think of us as a family, albeit an uncommon one in that we are from all points on the globe and different backgrounds. Our common link is our need to find some way to go on after our crushing losses, as go on we must. Cindy, we will be here to hear your feelings and stories, offering comfort and suggestions and advice if you ask - but know we never judge, and there is nothing wrong with anything you are or may be feeling, even if people around you don't seem to "get" the way you are acting or talking. Unless someone knows this intimate loss themselves, they have trouble relating to our sometimes seemingly strange or erratic behavior. Please don't ever let anyone or anything dictate how you should grieve, as it is as individual as we all are as humans. I send my prayers that you find some relief and comfort here, as I think of the souls I have met as my angels who have guided and supported me during some extremely confusing and dark times. They - we - will gladly try to do the same for you.