Cynthia Murphy
  • Female
  • Jonesboro, GA
  • United States
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Posted on December 30, 2013 at 7:01pm 0 Comments

I am not sure I will ever enjoy the holidays again. My husband passed away on Thanksgiving morning at our home. It was his favorite day of the year. He had been sick but did not want to spend the day in the hospital. He had heart problems and diabetes and did not like doing what he should do each day.We were married 38 years and best friends during all those years. People always asked what our secret was and he said "holding hands". He always reached for my hand when we were out somewhere. I…


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At 1:28pm on March 19, 2016, Joann Sueing said…

Hi Cynthia,

I really look forward to speaking with you.  I know exactly what you mean about attacks.  when I go shopping with my daughter, I get anxiety attacks.  It's like I want to get back home to him.  

What's even worse is to drive in the garage and see his car parked,, and to  come into the house and he's not here.  I know in time, I will not feel the hurt, pain and anquish that I  feel now but that time hasn't arrived.

I will give you a call soon.


At 1:28pm on March 18, 2016, Joann Sueing said…

Hi Cynthia,,

We are very close.  I feel so cheated that I had to come home and find my husband who had died.  I will always wonder if it was sudden or if he laid on the floor calling for me.  He did have the phone in his hand.

My husband had been previously diagnosed with bladder cancer.  It had not spread and we were going to the Cancer Center over here by us for a treatment.  We were very hopeful, because bladder cancer is very treatable and it had not spread.   I always felt that when the day that it would have been from cancer a long time down the road.  I would never have dreamed of him dying suddenly from a heart attack.  

I feel so helpless.  I have not gone back to work--it's been 4 weeks now, and my job is saying that since I had not been working at my particular job for at least a year, I didn't qualify for FMLA.  They expect me to return on Monday to a stressful job with severe depression.

I feel that my husband worried about me being so unhappy at this job, along with the fact that we were having some financial difficulty.  I would have panick attacks at least three times a week.  I haven't had a panic attack since my husband's death but have aniexty attacks.  I realize now that the panic attacks were because of my job.  So I am not going back.

I am happy that I have found this group.  If you ever want to talk on the phone, please let me know.  


At 2:31am on January 16, 2014, e.SORENSEN said…

Cynthia, I have tried to reach many on this wed site. I wrote a lovely message for you...I wish you the best and if I can learn how to navagete this site. I have heart and soul to offer.

Be strong and try to look for the little miracles in life, children, nature a mis hap gone right for you!es

At 5:49am on January 8, 2014, Jane P. said…

Cynthia, My husband was also very sick before he passed in June,  2011.  I was his primary care giver and I juggled work and taking care of him also until I had, with no regrets, to give up my beloved job because he needed me more.  My husband passed at the age of 59 from lung cancer I was a widow at 56 years old!  It does get easier as time passes but it seems there are still triggers that take me back to those horrible day when he was so sick.  

I do not know what grade(s) you teach but some children can be cruel.  They have no clue about grieving let alone the grief we are experiencing with the loss of a spouse. Even some of your co-workers do not understand the pain you are in.  My suggestion is to change routines as much as possible even if it is a different route to get to work.  Coping with grief such as ours is a roller coaster ride and it takes many baby steps to find where we belong, where we fit in and where is our life  headed from here.  I still have issues with all those questions but I take every day as a new beginning, I make no plans and I just try to put one foot in front of the other.  You too will make it .... it just take much time  and many tears.  Hugs, jane


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