Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your dad. I believe it's probably one of the most devasting experiences we will ever have in our lifetime. You lost your dad on the day I buried mine. I was supposed to take my dad to the Dr. the day he left (02/22/2010). At 6:22 am my phone rang, and I saw it was my mom, I thought she was calling to tell me the appt. time. I answered and said "Hi mommy" (38 yrs old and say mommy..lol). She said "Sissy, daddy's gone" I replied "Where the he** would he go this early in the morning?" She said again "No, Sissy, daddy's gone" I said nothing, and quickly hung up the phone. I guess I was thinking, if I didn't respond it wouldn't be real. In that fraction of a second, my entire world as I have known it, ceased to exist. Needless to say, I began screaming. It must have been awful, because all 3 of my kids started panicing. My 16 yr old (now 17) tried desperatetly to get me to slow down, breathe, and say what was happening. I remember trying to get dressed and go to my parents (1 mile away), then I remember walking into their house. My daddy passed away in his sleep, and my family, like you, had our time with him. I climbed in my parents bed, and curled up next to him. I sang our song "You Are My Sunshine" one last time. I told him I will forever love him, and that I was gratefull to be his daughter. I too miss my daddy terribly. I have not had one full nights sleep since he left. I sleep maybe 4hrs. a night now. There are so many things I want back. I cry everyday. He is my 1st thought when I awake, and my last before I sleep. I'm trying to find my way in this life without him, and I'm so lost. Everything around me looks familiar, but nothing is the same. I've been reading books, this website, writing, listening to daddy's favorite songs, anything that gets me to the next hour. There are some very big financial issues that started before he left, but now its worse. My mom had lost her job, and hadn't worked in almost 4 yrs., they went through all of their savings, and retirement and were in the middle of a loan mod. when he left. He had no life insurance, they chose to eat instead of paying that bill. So now I find that I need to help my mom, I'm sure she will go into foreclosure soon, my brother is USELESS, he actually told me mom needed to help pay for daddy's funeral, or I had to pay more than the 60% I did. She has NO money or credit. I haven't seen or spoken to him since the funeral.
I am neither stupid, nor ignorant, I know there is birth and death, however, I did not know, nor was I prepared for how completely devastating losing my dad would be. I can understand how you feel. How can we ever be the same again? I have no answers.
If you need to talk, please feel free to contact me. We all need to let it come out. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.