Hi Donna, I am touched by the trial you have been experiencing. I'm sure that your dear companion was a good man whom you deeply loved. I'm sure it can be unbearable at times. But you know at times like these God's word is the BEST comforter. Donna did you know that the bible speaks of a time when dead will come back to life? John 5:28&29 says: "Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out, those who did good things to a resurrection of life, those who practiced vile things to a resurrection of judgment." Donna I know it can be hard to deal with your emotions right now. You may find that your emotions are unpredictable. Tears may flow without much advance warning. Like you've stated before Donna, guilt feelings can make you wonder how do you go on with it. Actually, guilt is a normal grief reaction. However, try not to keep these feelings to yourself. Talking about how guilty you feel can provide much needed release. In fact a friend of mine can testify to there being a form of therapy in keeping a journal of your feelings. It helped her through some very hard times. Realize that no matter how much we love another person, we cannot control their life. You probably have said over and over again, "I wish I had said or done" but Donna, who of us can say that we are perfect? James 3:2 says: "For we all stumble many times. If anyone does not stumble in word, this one is a perfect man, able to bridle also [his] whole body." So accept the fact that YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. Beating yourself up over what you could have said or done will not change anything. It can only keep you from healing. Also Psalms 130:3&4 gives us reasons to forgive ourselves. It says: If errors were what you watch, O Jah,O Jehovah, who could stand? For there is the [true] forgiveness with you,In order that you may be feared. If God can forgive us when we ask on the basis of his Son's ransom sacrifice, can we not forgive ourselves? Donna, I hope that each day gets better and better for you and may you draw comfort from knowing that God cares for you.