I remember Bud's memorial like it was yesterday, even though by the calendar it was 13 months ago. We spent 26 wonderful years together, and to stand in front of a bunch of people and talk about him in the past tense was the most surreal thing I've ever had to do. You will get through it. The days will drag. You will feel an awful void, but life goes on. Be grateful for the time you were given together. It will get better.
So sorry. In October I lost my 47 year old partner of 21 years--we had spent nearly half of our lives together. He had a heart attack in his sleep and I found him.
You will figure out a way to survive. At some point which I can't identify, the crying happens less and less and the memories more than not provoke smiles or even laughs. I know that is unimaginable to you right now and everyone is different but we're all different and your journey will be your own. But you're not alone.
Just remember that when you are feeling your worst, know that it's temporary and your feelings will sway pretty radically during the first month.
It's the worst thing that will ever happen to you but there are odd little glimmers that will surprise.
I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. Mike and John have pretty much hit the nail on the head with what they've shared with you. I lost my partner David last April to advanced liver cancer. Almost a year out, I still have some pretty tough moments but even though you can't believe it now, it will get more bearable and you WILL make it through this horrendous journey and actually be able to smile and laugh in time. Feel what is coming up and don't try to bury it, its all part of the journey. Now is the time to listen to be mindful of your body and brain. If it says to take it easy, do it but do try and eat right, get outside and get some fresh air and exercise. I feel Dave's presence every day even though I can't physically sit down beside him. Doug won't leave you and you don't have to leave him behind as you continue with your life. I know that all may sound crazy but in time I hope you do. Sending you good thoughts.
Hi Dan, my names John and I lost my partner of nearly 10 years on July 17th. It's by far the hardest things I've ever experienced. The day we had his wake was excruciating and the pain was unbearable but with the support of my family and friends, literally physically holding me up, I was able to get through that day and the days and months following. It is not an easy road and unfortunately for me, it felt and still feels like the most lonely thing to go through even though I am surrounded by love and support. I'm sorry I'm not sugar coating this for you but I feel like honesty is the best way to know what is coming. From my experience do not try to mentally prepare yourself for the good bye or for what you are going to be going through b/c for me, it made it worse. You have to just take each moment and feel what you feel and whatever that is, is OK. You are allowed to act and be the way you need to. Cry if you need to cry, scream if you need to scream, just feel what you need to feel. That is one of the only things that will help you to get through this. Many people told me this in the beginning and I refused to believe it but six months have passed and I am able to now function on an "ok" level. I did need to take off 2 months from work to get here but its just what I needed.
Besides giving you a look as to what I felt, also know that he is with you all of the time. I've always felt my Christopher's presence and your partner will help give you the strength you need to get through this. I personally have received so many signs and affirmations from my beloved Christopher, from the day he passed and continuing on till today. Just be open to them and look for them. You will be surprised as to what he could do to show himself to you. You will be the only one who knows what they are and what they mean. Thank him when you get these signs. I am so sorry that you have to go through this because I know this pain. Lean on the people around you, lean on this group. Know he's with you, find some sort of comfort in that, and just know you will eventually get to a point where you will be able to stand up on your own again. I will keep you in my thoughts and pray for your strength to get through this.
I am so sorry for your loss, and I can completely understand how you must be feeling right now. One year and 7 months ago (and 6 days, but who's counting), I woke up to find my wonderful partner, Jim, dead at his desk. He had never made it to work that morning. It was sudden and unexpected, and the most horrible moment of my life. It was only 2 weeks before our 11th anniversary.
Please know that as horrible as this is right now, you WILL get through this. Doug would have wanted you to go on. For me, it took many weeks for the shock to wear-off. It was awful, gut-wrenching pain and misery. It never goes away completely, but for me, the paid DID subside.
Just be sure to take care of yourself during this time. Don't isolate, although you will want to be alone. Lean on your friends and family. Take care of your basic needs: drink lots of water, force yourself to eat regularly. Go for a walk. Get some fresh air. Just take it moment by moment, and one day at a time. You WILL make it through this.
I will send you a private message with my phone number and e-mail address if you would like to talk to someone who has been there.