David Heggi
  • Male
  • Bullhead City, AZ
  • United States
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David Heggi's Friends

  • Manny
  • Richard Turner
  • David, BERNIE's dad
  • Chicago Beard
 

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David Heggi commented on David Heggi's status
"HI David (2?) - So good to get your note. You cook - a man after my own heart.  Bless her, my stepdaughter tries, but her heart is not in it. My days are touch and go - as you of course know.  Contact makes a big difference in how rough…"
7 hours ago
Chicago Beard and David Heggi are now friends
7 hours ago
David Heggi posted a status
"I am David (H) recently joined. Having a rough day. Need to connect with a caring (patient) person here,"
12 hours ago
David Heggi commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
"Dear Christine, Not only do you have this indescribable grief to bear, you have a lot of baggage from a lifetime of abuse and hurt.  Give yourself a break. I also lost the love of my life recently and am feeling the same way you are right now -…"
14 hours ago
David Heggi joined Steve Cain's group
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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.
yesterday
David Heggi replied to robert j crowley's discussion He saved me - now he's gone who will save me now? in the group Gay and lesbians who have lost partners
"Thank you, Janet, My need to connect becomes so critical that when I do find a kind person like yourself I open the floodgates and it all flows out.  It's probably normal in this stage of my grief; still, it seems to me that I'm…"
yesterday
David Heggi replied to robert j crowley's discussion He saved me - now he's gone who will save me now? in the group Gay and lesbians who have lost partners
"Thank you for your kind reply, Janet. I have joined the support group you suggest, just waiting for "admin" to add me. Of course I assume you have lost a loved one; I'm new and all thumbs here so I don't know everyone yet. I lost…"
Friday
David left a comment for David Heggi
"Hi David, I’m a brand new member and I just wanted to thank you for reaching out to me. I sure appreciate your kindness. My Rick transitioned almost 3 months ago. I’m trying to find the room in my soul to tuck the pain in... I know it…"
Wednesday
David Heggi left a comment for David
"Hi David, I'm David, and my beloved is David too.  I lost him just 11 days after your partner transitioned (what is his name?).  You can see I use the present tense because He still is and always will be in my heart.  I know you…"
Tuesday
David Heggi replied to robert j crowley's discussion He saved me - now he's gone who will save me now? in the group Gay and lesbians who have lost partners
"Hi Robert, As I am new in my loss (21/2 months)  I am not sure how to navigate this site - I may even have replied to you before.  Forgive me. Wow!  your story is mine too:  not able to work, moving to be with family in another…"
Tuesday
Richard Turner left a comment for David Heggi
"The dating question is a tough one.  For any of us who've been in successful relationships, it's one of the things we probably didn't miss (!).   There's no good answer - we're all rusty at it.  I can…"
Monday
David Heggi left a comment for Richard Turner
"Thank you,Richard, Your message was well-thought out, and one that could only come from experience: you've been there and back - not as the same person, but as a stronger more resilient person. Moving out of our house was the first thing I HAD…"
Monday
Richard Turner left a comment for David Heggi
"Yes, the 4 years was surprising to me; at first, it seemed every day was a struggle.  Here's the benefit to this site - anonymity and a shared experience.  It takes longer to heal than your friends expect - they will try to listen but…"
Monday
David Heggi left a comment for Richard Turner
"Thank you for your message, Richard. I can't imagine making a 4 month mark, let alone 4 years - congrats for your tenacity. I'm glad that you have met someone.  I know that Drew will always have a place in your heart; it does not…"
Monday
Richard Turner left a comment for David Heggi
"Hi, David.   Interesting, as I was just thinking over the past weekend that I've passed the 4-year mark.  And it is a journey; at the end we are different but our lives do go on.  I did meet someone, I did fall in love…"
Monday
David Heggi commented on David Heggi's status
"Hello, I'm sorry, I don't know how to use this I'm new here.  If there is anyone there please I need to talk.  I've been so overwhelmed with my loss, and now my situation that I don't know how I will make it…"
Nov 12

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At 6:39pm on November 14, 2017, David said…
Hi David, I’m a brand new member and I just wanted to thank you for reaching out to me. I sure appreciate your kindness. My Rick transitioned almost 3 months ago. I’m trying to find the room in my soul to tuck the pain in... I know it never completely goes away. It’s quite a tearful adjustment. I am soooooo sorry you’ve had to go through this too. All my best, David.
At 2:50pm on November 13, 2017, Richard Turner said…

The dating question is a tough one.  For any of us who've been in successful relationships, it's one of the things we probably didn't miss (!).   There's no good answer - we're all rusty at it.  I can honestly say I completely screwed up a few dates that had serious long-term potential, but perhaps that's how it's supposed to work.  I found it was important to understand you can't just go out and find what you had before.  Nor can you look too hard (but you can't just stay home either).  Bigger picture is doing things that are important to you - and those might be things your other half didn't want to do or didn't care about.  Each step is part of the journey.

At 1:02pm on November 13, 2017, Richard Turner said…

Yes, the 4 years was surprising to me; at first, it seemed every day was a struggle.  Here's the benefit to this site - anonymity and a shared experience.  It takes longer to heal than your friends expect - they will try to listen but it doesn't work.  With this site, you can rail, you can post, you can share, and everybody's got a similar experience and as hard as it might be to imagine, there's always a worse story out there than yours or mine.   Some folks will have helpful comments; some might not seem helpful, but that's OK too - it will get you thinking.  It's a dark place where you're at, at first.  What you have to do, and it's so hard because a relationship works when both people sacrifice a bit of themselves for the greater good, is to become self-centered.  In other words, you have to take your life back over.  I was lucky - we had two homes (a city place and a country place, which was my house before we met) - so I could leave one and retreat into the other.  But many of the decisions we'd made in this house, I redid.  Where I acquiesced, I now reinforced my own view.  I had to make the house mine again.  Yes, there are touches, memories, shared experiences; but rather than a shell of what I once had, it's a house of many and layered experiences.  Life is very much like a book: it's chapters, some longer than others, about the different periods in our life.  It only moves in one direction, and that is forward.  And it will continue long after all of us are gone.  So you need to think about what this next chapter will be.  

At 9:46am on November 13, 2017, Richard Turner said…

Hi, David.   Interesting, as I was just thinking over the past weekend that I've passed the 4-year mark.  And it is a journey; at the end we are different but our lives do go on.  I did meet someone, I did fall in love again, my life is moving forward.  Drew, my late spouse, will always be a part of me, but my new life moves forward in different directions.  All I can say is that this is a process; nobody can tell you how long it takes or even what to expect but it does get easier and time is a great healer.

 
 
 

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