"Gilbert, my name is David Williams. South Bend, Indiana. I lost my only true love and soulmate Richard nearly 2 years ago. He died 5 months after his Dx of lung cancer. I am so sorry that this is something you have to go through. Be kind to yourself…"
"Thank you so much. It has been 20 months since Richard left and it sometimes feels worse than it did the first year. Now with this pandemic I am in an even more surreal place. It is nice to know that there is light at the end of this tunnel of…"
"I am just returning to this site. Year and a half ago when my husband died I think I was too numb or in shock to use this site. I haven't found where to look up your story. I find it a challenge to get around on sites like this. This new virus…"
I'm glad you reached out to this site because it helped me a lot when I needed to be heard and needed advice. I'm so sorry for your loss and you have to experience something so painful. I lost my partner 5 years ago and its been a hard struggle. However looking back I'm able to see how the grieving process has made me a much stronger person. It wasn't easy - believe me it wasn't. I still have my days and I will never stop missing him. Rich's comments are spot on. You do learn to move on.... eventually with time. The memories you made with your partner will always be with you - no one can take those away. Remember to be good to yourself - you're going thru a personal hell but it does get better. Hang in there.
Hi, David. It is good you found this site; I found it immensely helpful when I lost my spouse four years ago. Yes, they are right - time is the ultimate healer (though not sure if we heal or we compartmentalize - but the result is the same). But what nobody except those who go through this realize is there is a kind-of gulf between when your friends and networks' sympathy ends and your grief ends. As someone pointed out, it's after the phone calls and casseroles stop coming that the enormity of what has happened begins to sink in. At first, I found that little things got me through the day; and gradually my perspective changed and I found my path again. It's different; your life has changed.
What this site gives you is a place to vent. We all need that. And especially to vent to people who actually understand what you're going through. You won't agree with them; you won't think their experiences are the same as yours; you might not feel they're suffering as you are. But they did; they evolved. A good friend of mine, a few months after losing my spouse, declared that I needed to have the "year of me." And I did that. I did things I wanted to do; I thought about life on my terms; I changed things that were hold-overs from my marriage. Ruining memories? Or disrespectul? Not at all: those memories can't be changed, and only your passing will erase them. What it was, was asserting me since the relationship was now, well, me.
I hope this helps - and this site definitely helped me. And it does get better, and life does move along, and is always ready to pull us back into it.
David......I'm sorry for your loss of your husband. You've found a place of understanding here at Legacy. You may want to join the Bereaved Spouses group as there is more activity in terms of sharing and support. You'll be in touch with folks who truly understand the deep pain that comes with losing a spouse. Sometimes, just reading the posts helps. It did for me when I first joined. I realized someone else was posting what was in my head. I knew I finally found someone to understand and it's helped me more than I can say. I hope you'll join us.