Debbie Chiarelli
  • Female
  • Willow Grove, PA
  • United States
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I just lost my mom suddenly on May 12th.  I'm devastated beyond words.  I'm at a dark place and feel lost and hopeless.  I was on the phone with her as she took her last breaths of life.  I can't get it out of my mind.  I'm so sad and so devastated.  How will I go on without her?  Any help or advice you can me will be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.

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At 1:11am on July 15, 2011, Kathleen Franck said…
Cindy, I've been thinking of you and praying that you will be able to find peace. I've been asking God to show you his love and comfort and that he would send someone along to give you a hug. Some one with "skin on"....
At 1:24am on June 16, 2011, Kathleen Franck said…
It's kind of you to say so Debbie, but I just want you to know that you are not alone in your pain.
I cannot imagine going through what I have as a younger woman with little kids! This has got to be devastating your sister as well. What heart ache!
Right now you are trying to make sense of all of this and of coarse you are going through allot of confusion. To look at life through new eyes. The future unbalanced by the loss of your Mom. Re-evaluating everything that you felt the future would be. You are not flunking out, you are trying to understand why this happened and you know... you and I may never find out till we get to heaven but be reassured that God does love you and he has a plan for you to give you hope and a future. It may even annoy you to hear me say it because you are sad, It hurts.It's OK God understands. So do I.
I would write a conversation to your Mom. You know she is a part of who you are. Love does not die it just waits on the other side. Praying that God will ease your heart and mind. Kathleen
At 5:18pm on June 15, 2011, Debbie Chiarelli said…
The days are getting harder and harder.  I find myself in more pain as time passes without talking to or seeing or touching or caring for my mom.  I know I will never really get over this.  This sadness will be with me forever; until I, too, draw my last breath.  I miss her so much I feel like I  could lose my sanity.  What is one to do with such despair and devastation?  Only those of you who walk this road truly understand. I'm so lost without her.  I'm so lonely and so riddled with guilt over time not spent with her and words left unspoken.  So much regret coupled with such sadness.  Time is cruel.  It does not heal ALL wounds. 
At 1:36pm on June 12, 2011, Kathleen Franck said…
My nieces and a few others individually began to send me songs while Wade was sick and I put them all together and called it the Healer CD. There were so many encouraging one thought that Wade would actually die. That was unheard of, absolutely unfathomable, impossible! The morning of Wades death I was crying and said what about all of the healing songs? And Steven our #2 son (he had just turned 26) said Mom I'm sure those songs are for you right now.(as he hugged me) Can you believe how intuitive? I listened to that cd almost non stop in the car for a year and a half.
I didn't realize my post was too long and lost the end of it.
I have seen others have recommended journaling and I agree. It is really helpful to put your feelings down even if you say the same thing every day....
God understands how you feel even if you do not. He still listens to you and his heart breaks with yours over your pain. I pray that you will see the reassurances that he puts in your life and though you hurt your heart will be soothed. This is a rough time to go though especially if you can't bring the grief to God and ask for help. Hugs again, Kathleen
At 1:23pm on June 12, 2011, Kathleen Franck said…
Ah Debbie, I just wrote you a note and lost it....My husband was worried that I would "lose my faith" if he died. Though I have been angry at God for his passing I realized right away that I must trust God to know what is best for me and my life weather I understand it or not. He holds the beginnings and the ends. I was delighted a few years back "when life was normal" to discover on a web site on line that my conception was on the very day that Wade was born. Now how is that for planning? How can I not trust he has the best plans for me even if it hurts? To plan for my exsistance on the day Wade was born is too perfect.
I just wrote a comment on the bereaved spouses group talking about the fact that we are very self centered while grieving. It's OK we are just trying to make it through the pain. We need to find a new heal. It isn't a matter of getting over it or moving on. Our loved ones are a part of you for life. We are who we are because of the influences and love that they have helped mold us with. You can't take that out of you they become a part of you. That is a new revelation to me as I have gone down this path.
It has been surprising to find this site after this long. It has shown me that I am making progress though I still cry frequently. To know others are going through the same thing and we all must face death at some time or another....(our loved ones death or our own) and life continues on.
I know that God will reveal his plans for you.While Wade was sick My oldest sister and brother in law sent a wall plaque That has the scripture on it from Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" I would look at that and cry. How God? But he knows. This is another one of those things that I have to trust was for me.
My nieces and a few others individually began to send me songs while Wade was sick and I put them all together and called
At 7:36am on June 12, 2011, elizabeth edwards said…

I am so sorry for your loss.  I have lost my mother as well.  I know your feeling a number of emotions right now and thats perfectly natural. If theres any advice i could give it would be to allow yourself to grieve. Not everyone grieves in the same way. Repressing your feelings can be harmful both physically and emotionally. It is far healthier to release your grief.  One way to release that grief is by talking.  In the bible in the book of Job, we read about how Job lost all ten of his children at Job 1:18,19. And it provoked him to say at Job 10:1: "My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life. I will give vent to my concern about myself. I will speak in the bitterness of my soul!”  Job could no longer hold his feelings in he had to "vent" or let it loose, he had to speak about it.  Shakespeare wrote in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.” I"m saying this to tell you that it is important to find a good person to talk to, to whom you can share your experiences and feelings.  A person who will listen sympathetically and patiently.  Another good way to deal with your grief possibly is to write down your feelings and then maybe read them a few days later many have said this has helped them to release their grief.  I hope you find some comfort in these words, and you will definitely be in my prayers.

At 11:23pm on June 11, 2011, Kathleen Franck said…

I'm so sorry for your loss Debbie. I cannot imagine. To face  the world without the support of your Mom...someone who knew you better than anyone...or most anyone. I pray that God will give you shelter and grace within his love. I don't want to be trite or quick in offering condolences. To be devestated is normal. The only hope I can offer is what I had to hold tight to when I lost my husband of almost 30 years.. This is not forever. It is but a blink of time this life on earth. Heaven waits...silly as that line seems it means something now. We know we are headed towards not only eternity with God but we will reunite with every one who has gone on before us.

At this point you may feel angry or impatient that no one understands how alone you feel. But you have to know that there are so many here on this site that are just as devastated as you are....we are hurting and can understand. I pray that God will surround you with his love and give you comfort. I pray that you will remember all of the wonderful times that you and your Mother had together.My advice is to find someone to talk to and don't feel guilty about being sad but cry as much as you need to. The pressure cooker needs to release often enough that it doesn't blow up! May God give you comfort and may you have peace and rest to recover...Hugs Kathleen


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