Hello everyone, it's been a while since i've been here, but i feel it's time that i seek help, from others who are experiencing the same grief and pain that i am. You see it's been 14 months now that my son Deon was murdered. I have had a lot of good day's and some bad days, i try to stay strong because i have other children, and i don't want them to see the pain that i am truly feeling insided. It's hard to wake up and know that i want be seeing him. I talk about him alot, but sometimes if feel that no one wants to hear me talk about him all the time, rainy days make me cry, and i have to hide that from my younger kids. I try to be strong for them and my grandchildren but it's a struggle. Deon left behind one son and a daughter who was born 8 months to the date of his death. I haven't seeked help for myself because i want to make sure that my other kids are okay, so my younger two are in a grief counseling program called child savers, they are amazing. Me myself i feel it's time for me to seek help. Lately i have turned into a different person, i am angry, i feel guilty because i wasnt' there to protect him. I am the mother that could always since when something is wrong with one of my childred, but that night, i felt nothing, some people say i wasn't supposed to but i don't want to hear that. I just feel like i am dying inside and i would greatly give my life if it could bring my son back to me and my family. I need help and i need people going thru the same thing to help save me.