Hi Debra, I lost my Robynn 11/13/07. Not to the same circumstances as you but I can just say that as far as being able to let go and getting over this tragic ordeal that you have experienced, it may never happen. Your child was taken from you by the evils of another, which means it could have NEVER happened. It is hell just dealing with the fact that your child has died. Anniversaries will always hurt, seeing things that your son once did, or loved to eat etc, will always be bittersweet . There will always be outsiders who will on occasion, say cruel things; and they will try to make it seem like you are wrong for the way you feel.
KNOW THIS: In order to advance and be able to go on, unfortunately, you will feel these feelings, and at time it will be hell, but the good thing is that you have a supportive army here to pick you up when you are weak, hurt, sad. Surround yourself around family and friends who will LISTEN and be supportive. When my Robynn died, I felt so alone and every one around me made it seem like I was crazy for my feelings. I did not even begin to feel better until I got around others that KNEW how I felt.
So you ask how do you let go? You don't have to,nor do I think it is possible for any parent, but you can go on living and you can do it positively: focus on your love for your son, and your positive memories, any time you need a friend feel free to message me anytime. You are never alone in this....(((HUGS)))
Hi Debra, first..please accept my condolences on the loss of your precious son, my heart goes out to you and your family. Secondly Debra, let me just say I know exactly how you feel...some monster(s) stole my baby from me as well on March 30, 2009...they shot my baby too, several times and No the police still to this day have not found out who or why they did this to my child. Sometimes I feel they feel it's not worth the effort to even investigate. Debra, I'm sure you understand the added horror of losing your child at the hands of another..it's not like they were sick or in a horrible accident but, at the hands of some unhappy, unemotional, detached, insensitive monster(s) who has managed to make our once happy, healthy life a living HELL. Debra, there's no magic words that I can say to make you feel better, I can say I understand what you're going through and if at anytime night or day you need to talk just reach out to anyone of your Legacy family members...we're here for each other. Debra, just take one day at a time, cry if you must, yell if you must, don't get out of bed if you don't want to on any given day. They say, time heals all wounds but, I don't think "They" ever lost a child. Debra my God bless you and your family.
Hi Debra - I got your email to us all. I lost my son Tyler, my only child, on 01/26/10 at age 24. It was a drug overdose. I can understand what you are going through as a mother, although I cannot imagine having to deal with a murder. The entire first year is something no one can imagine - shock, disbelief, physical anguish, horrific ups and downs constantly, the picture I have in my mind of finding him running over and over in my brain. This site is a life-saver, because EVERYONE understands what you are going through. No one else does - not my mom, my sisters, friends, co-workers. Only those who have experienced it themselves. See if you can find a Compassionate Friends group in your area, or any survivors group. Perhaps something through your local hospice. I attend a group for parents who have lost adult children. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, but always we are there for one another. Keep posting - someone here will ALWAYS know exactly what you are talking about. It keeps you from thinking that you are crazy - you are not. It is just the terrible circumstances we have been pushed into.
I'm sorry for the loss of your son and that you're having such a rough time in your life. I lost my son in April 2009. He died of a heroin overdose, but it was slipped to him in a can of soda. As with you, the police have been less than helpful. I share your frustration in the person responsible will not be given what he deserves. I have become a royal pain in the behind to the prosecutors and police. I don't plan to give up until the woman that did this to Tim is behind bars.
If you need to vent, I'm here for you. I feel your loss as if it were my own. *hugs*
Hi Debra I also lost my son in march of 2010 IT is the saddest experience we can endure and it is forever mY heart aches with yours. I cannot stop thinking that he is gone and how horrible it is for our family without his beautiful soul.. he will be so greatly missed. i cannot believe they did this to your beautiful son. love to you carrie
Debra, I'm so very sorry about the loss of your son and the violent way it happened. This group has been a life line for me in the past two years. I've lost two of my 4 sons and understand your pain, though I won't attempt to tell you I totally understand because my son's lives were not taken the way yours was. There are several hundred here who are feeling a lot of what you feel. Even if you aren't comfortable sharing, just reading the posts helps me a lot. I will lift you up in my prayers. Hugs of Hope,Kathy